Karen Quinn's Blog

Blog Moved!

2007-04-07T11:02:00.000-04:00

Join me at my new blog address:
http://karenquinn.net/category/blog/

Mama Gena, New Book, Sweet 16

2007-03-31T12:11:00.000-04:00

Did I mention that I spent last weekend at Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts? Well I did. It's the second time I'm taking the course. It's an incredibly empowering program that teaches you to recognize and tap into the power you have just because you're a woman. I don't have the words to do justice to the specifics of the program, but it has been transformative for me. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before (and I've done lots of training through the years). After taking it the first time, I realized I had much further to go, so I signed up again. If you're interested in learning more, she has books available at Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com. Just type in Mama Gena and her books will come up.

I have two months before my third book is due and I must get cracking. So far I have a terribly rough first draft, and now I'm going back to flesh out the characters, improve my descriptions, add more humor - all the polishing that one does. My first task is to really get the main character's voice right, and I don't think I've done that yet. For the next two months I'm going deep underground - no extra-curricular stuff - until I get this book to a good place. By the way, I just read a book I enjoyed - The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz. It was very funny.

Later today, Mark and I are going over to negotiate with the restaurant where we'll be holding Schuyler's Sweet 16. It's not going to be excessive like the TV show. We're trying to do this as cheaply as possible (not easy in NYC). Last week, Schuyler and I shopped for her party dress. We found a beautiful yellow satin number that she looked wonderful wearing. Since when do kids have Sweet 16's? In my day they didn't. But Schuyler didn't get a Bat Mitzvah (because she dropped out of Hebrew School) so she says her life won't be complete if she doesn't have this party. Mark and I fell for her logic. That's because we are guilt ridden parents by birth. Since the day she was born, we never felt we have done enough. That can get a parent in trouble, I know.

Movie excitement

2007-03-26T20:17:00.000-04:00

Book tour is officially over, whew!!! The two Ohio women who came to my reading last week were absolutely delightful - Beth and Suzen. I felt so honored that they would come from so far just to meet me. That must be how movie stars feel. We had a lovely dinner together after the reading.

I spent today with the two new screenwriters for The Ivy Chronicles, Stan and Jim - two very great guys. I love what they have in mind for the script and I feel very certain the movie will get made. My agent says you can't count your movies until they start filming, but I'm optimistic. Besides, my psychic says it's getting made and she has been right on all her big predictions so far.

Wife in the Fast Lane made the local Bestseller's List in Denver! Yipee!!

Tomorrow, it's back to work on book 3, Schuyler gets her stitches out, and I have a radio interview. It's all in a day's work.

Back to Normal

2007-03-22T09:37:00.000-04:00

It is Thursday, March 22 and I am breathing a sigh of relief. Tonight is my last reading for Wife in the Fast Lane. The appearances are both exhausting and exhilerating. Tonight, two women are coming all the way from Ohio to see me (at least I think that's where they're from - I know it's from far away and in that general area). That blows my mind. I'm taking them out to dinner to thank them for traveling from so far away. Schuyler had her surgery on Tuesday and she's doing really well. It's good to have that behind us. Mark and I had been planning to go to Scottsdale next week but I cancelled. Something came up with the Ivy movie and I have to stay in town an extra day. Something has come up with Mark's work and he has to return early, so we were only going to be able to overlap for one day in Arizona - ergo trip cancelled. Ergo - I really don't know how to use that word properly. Anyway, I don't mind that the trip was cancelled. Sleeping at home in my own bed sounds heavenly. I'm looking forward to life returning to normal. Ahhh, normal...

I Get Tired Just Writing It

2007-03-03T19:36:00.000-05:00

It has been a very busy time, pre-book launch. It is so hard to know how much time to devote to promoting the new book versus working on the next one. But I think the next few weeks will be about getting out there to spread the word about Wife in the Fast Lane, and then I'll be able to settle back into my new novel. I went to Houston last week and spoke to a fabu group of 350 women who bought tons of copies of Wife (yay! I loved them!). The night before I spoke, they held a party at the Shoe Department of Neiman's - so much fun, then took me out for a delish dinner. Next week, I'll be reading at The Corner Bookstore, then flying off to Denver to read at the Tattered Cover, do some TV, and attend some lovely events sponsored by my good friends in that city. Then back to New York for a reading at Barnes and Noble, then up to Scarsdale to teach at the Young Writer's Conference, then a weekend at Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts, and finally a trip to Arizona with Mark. What a whirlwind. I don't see myself doing much writing during that time. Well, there's always April.

Book Party

2007-02-22T19:20:00.000-05:00

Hi there. Long time no blog. I've been tres busy with my wifeinthefastlane contest. What can I say? But we did have a party the other night. It was our annual winter soiree, which we decided would have to double as a book party because we couldn't figure out another time to celebrate the publication. Anyway, it was SO much fun. All of our good friends were there. The magnificent Lezlie Harrison performed. She is an out of this world singer that Mark and I both adore. I've posted some of the pictures so you can get a peek at the fun. Wish you'd been there!

Our Annual Holiday Letter

2007-01-16T18:08:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! Can you believe how late I am? You can? Oh that's cold. Meanwhile, here is my family's holiday letter that I am posting for your reading pleasure. I didn't get it out until well into January, so don't think you're being singled out by getting it late. Cheers!

Dear friends, family, and assorted others who found their way into my address book,

Happy holidays! I know. I'm beyond late [see, I was late for everyone!]. It's just that, as many of you know, I always send out a holiday letter. Only this year, I decided not to because it felt like nothing interesting happened. Then last week, my friend Ken IM'ed me and said he missed my letter. That got me thinking, how can I disappoint my devoted annual Christmas/Chanukah, Kwanza letter followers? I can't and I won't. So here it is. The Quinn family letter, belated, but emailed with love from my computer to yours.

When I said nothing happened this year, I wasn't exactly kidding. Sam, who is 14, retreated to his bedroom last January and hasn't come out except for school, food, allowance, and periodic showers. I wonder what he's doing in there. No doubt studying theromdynamics or the Talmud. The photo of him is from last year because there have been so few sightings much less photographs taken of late. I adore what I remember about the boy, but I look forward to the day when this hormonal siege ends and my little man returns to my waiting arms. On the purely physical side, I saw a figure darting from his room to the shower the other day and noted that he's now about a foot taller than me which is good because I'm practically a midget.

Schuyler, who is 15, has moved past the raging hormones and emerged a lovely, social butterfly who flits in and out of our house with her posse in tow at all hours of the day or night. She has become an accomplished aerial ballet dancer, so if the whole education thing doesn't work out, Cirque Du Soleil is Plan B. Schuyler is starring as Margot in her school's production of Anne Frank, which I cannot wait to see (and secretly videotape for anyone who would like to come over and watch). She's planning a Super Sweet 16 party, but was thoughtful enough to say that she wasn't expecting us to present her with a car or a diamond tiara at the soiree's climax. This was good because (and please don't spoil the surprise) we were just planning to present her with a bouquet of carnations from the Korean deli on Chambers Street.

Mark is still general counsel of his company, which means that he works late hours and wears boss-like suits. But he continues to travel to important track and field meets around the world, and sometimes I tag along and pretend to be interested. His love of jazz has not waned. We've had some great parties this year where phenomenal musicians and singers have performed in our living room. That always makes me feel like I'm living in one of those old New York movies where Mark is Cary Grant, drinking martinis, and I'm Ingrid Bergman, smoking a cigarette, while a cool jazz trio plays in the corner for all our urbane friends. Actually, Mark doesn't drink martinis and I don't smoke, but otherwise we're exactly like Cary and Ingrid.

We celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary this year with a wonderful cruise to Greece, Turkey, and Italy. Mark and I both adore life at sea - dancing under the stars, midnight buffets, land tours with busloads of kvetching octogenarians. I do have to give props to the two of us for staying married so long. People say you have to work at marriage, but we just play at it. The smartest decision I ever made was to stalk Mark in law school until he asked me out. The poor sucker didn't have a chance. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him (and me). It's kind of weird to think that your best life decision was to stalk someone, but in my case, it's true.

A few momentus things happened to me this year. I lost weight and got into shape, which was a huge accomplishment for a lazy porker like me. The picture above was taken before I lost 20 pounds. Now I look like a model, only shorter. And older. This year, I got to be on the View, which was scary and mad-cool at the same time. All the ladies were really nice to me except for Star who wouldn't shake my hand when I offered it. But the universe abhors a bitch, and, well, we all know how that story ended. Last fall, I enrolled in Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts, which has been enormously fun, shocking even to a cosmo girl like me, and not discussable in a G-rated family letter. Check it out if you're interested: http://www.mamagena.com/. UPDATE: I graduated from Mama's school last Sunday and instead of wearing those boring black caps, we wore diamond tiaras!

Here's exciting news. I have a new book coming out in the U.S. this March, Wife in the Fast Lane. It's already released and doing marvelously (she said modestly) in the UK and Australia. My enormously complicated life, and that of every other woman I know, inspired this one. It takes place in the ultra-privileged world of Fifth Avenue where I got to poke fun at rich people behaving badly (tee hee). If you are reading this letter, then I consider you to be one of my closest confidants, and I think (in a mad act of friendship), you should drop everything and pre-order your copy this very moment. Here, this link will make it easier for you: http://www.amazon.com/Wife-Fast-Lane-Karen-Quinn/. Go ahead. I'll wait. La-de-da, la-de-da.

Back already? Don't you just love the internet? Speaking of which, we're doing an on-line contest for the book that I know you'll want to get in on. All you have to do is express your own truth about life in the fast lane via a video, essay, or just a quick one-liner (I knew I was living in the fast lane when...For me, it was when I surprised Sam by picking him up at school one day and he asked if our nanny had died). For legal reasons too boring to explain, you have to be a U.S. or Canadian resident to enter (but anyone from anywhere can volunteer to judge, submit work just to have it seen, vote for their favorites, and enjoy the submissions).

Anyway, all these great merchants have given us the BEST prizes, including a $2,000 gift certificate to Canyon Ranch, a gorgeous gold charm bracelet from my family's jewelry store, Christian Tse gold and platinum earrings, chocolate bon bons, beautiful purses, and lots more. I could go on and on, but take a look at the site. I really hope you'll participate and tell all your friends about it because (in all sincerity) this is my first contest and I'm depending on the kindness of friends and strangers to help me get the word out. Here's the link: http://karenquinn.net/wife-in-the-fast-lane-contest/.

Okay, no more shameless plugs. They have no place in the sacred space of holiday letters, which are and should remain pure unadulterated spin-doctored ruminations about our perfect lives. Your life is perfect right? I know, mine is too. Only yesterday, four dreams came true. On another note, have you made any New Year's resolutions you probably won't keep? here are mine...
* Stay on the fitness path.
* Do one fun thing every day even if it kills me.
* Stop saying "yes" to things I don't want to do.
* Lure Sam out of his room.
* Have more playtime with Mark.
* Stop whining.
* Laugh more.
* Spend more time with my amazing friends.
* Give Smokey (our Russian Blue) a bath. She really stinks.
* Write daily.
* Pass my womanly wisdom on to Schuyler.

Well, that's all for this year's holiday letter. Maybe next year will be more eventful. Mark, Schuyler, Sam and I wish you a joyful, healthy, and successful New Year. I love you all and think of you every day, even those of you who don't remember giving me your email address.

Love, Karen

P.S. Smokey and Cookie wish you Happy New Year, too!

In search of fake purses

2006-12-17T13:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know what happened, but I think that Christmas is coming early this year. Wasn't it summer just five minutes ago? That's what it feels like to me. Schuyler and I decided to buy great fake bags for our loved ones this year. So we moseyed down to Canal Street to make our purchases. We walked right past Julia Styles on the street, which was tres exciting, especially for Schuyler. It's weird to walk by someone famous. Your first thought is that you know the person, they're a friend, and you want to say "hi." Then you realize, oops, you've just seen them in the movies. The only thing I can say about Julia Styles is that she was taller than I expected. Anyway, back to Canal Street. The cops have come down hard on merchants selling fake designer bags, so they only show non-fakes in their shops. By that I mean, bags that looks like they have the "LV" logo from far away, but when you get close up, you see that it's really "IW." What you have to do is to signal one of the Chinese women in the store that you want to see the REAL thing. A subtle nod will do. So, we did this, and the shop woman motioned for us to follow her. She took us around the corner, into the alley, unlocked a padlocked door which revealed a steep staircase. We walked up three flights and entered a loft-like room, where several Chinese men sat guarding boxes and boxes of fake purses. Being alone up there with my daughter made me very nervous. I realized that we were completely vulnerable and if anyone decided to rob us and chop us up into little pieces, no one would ever know what happened. Come to think of it, that would make a good episode of Law and Order or perhaps, even a novel. Getting murdered while buying fake designer bags would be as embarassing as dying while getting a face lift. You'd feel like the biggest fool on the face of the earth. Luckily, the woman took us into another room where the really good fakes were all on display. We bought about a dozen bags and hightailed it out of there. I was relieved to be safely back on the street. If any of my relatives are reading this, I hope you'll appreciate the risk we took to buy your Christmas present this year. I'm not sure I want to do that again.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-26T17:19:00.000-05:00

Did you have a good Thanksgiving? We certainly did. I think I need a week off to recover from this week. My mother came on Monday and we cooked nonstop Tuesday and Wednesday. We did take time off to go visit our psychic and both received excellent forecasts for the immediate future. Of course, I was thankful for that. My brothers both came (from Denver and Dallas) so it was wonderful to see them. On Wednesday night, we went to see Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, which was lots of fun. He was at Rose Hall at the Time Warner Center, a gorgeous new theater. To my surprise, Frankie can still belt 'em out, including those "is that really a man" falsetta notes. Fans literally stormed the stage when he sang Sherry. The ushers were alarmed because they weren't used to fans going nuts at such a la-di-da venue, but since most of the stormers were over fifty, there was no danger. Our friends, Jan and Bob, whom we met on our our cruise this summer came for Thanksgiving and spent the weekend. Mark and I had a great time showing them around the city. On Friday and Saturday nights, we went to Sweet Rhythm to see our friend, Lezlie Harrison, who was singing for the first time there. She was excellent. Lezlie has sung at parties at our house, but I'd never seen her perform at a jazz club. The woman is absolutely mesmerizing. Jan and Bob left today, so we've been trying to put the house back in order. We had hidden all our junk for Thanksgiving, but now we can take it out and let it clutter our home once again. I'm looking forward to going back to my boring but comfortable routine, starting tomorrow.

Great review for Wife in the Fast Lane

2006-11-20T18:48:00.000-05:00

I'm very excited to report that Wife in the Fast Lane got a great review in Publisher's Weekly. This is thrilling because they didn't give Ivy such a good review and I was so bummed about that. When that review came out, it was like the time Schuyler took the Stamford Binet IQ test and I found out she was not a genius. I was shocked and dismayed. When Publisher's Weekly gave Ivy a marginal review, I couldn't believe it - my baby wasn't a genius. I've decided that it all depends on who gets the assignment. The Publisher's Weekly review is an important one because the booksellers read those and it can affect their orders. So YAY me on my good review. Here it is:

Wife in the Fast Lane
Karen Quinn. Touchstone, $14 paper (488p) ISBN 978-0-7432-9396-9
Quinn (The Ivy Chronicles) spins a delightful story about the unsinkable Christy Hayes, a former Olympic gold medalist turned successful entrepreneur whose comfy life is about to hit a bumpy patch. Founder and CEO of athletic shoe company Baby G, Christy lands an ideal husband, Michael Drummond, a wealthy media mogul who's survived a bad marriage. Things are swell until Christy's housekeeper and confidant dies, leaving behind her precocious 11-year-old granddaughter, Renata Ruiz, whom Christy takes in. Michael, however, wants nothing to do with another child, as his daughter despises him. Just when the domestic scene is looking bleak, Christy is ousted from the top spot at Baby G, contretemps erupt at the private school Christy sends Renata to (Christy and the head of the PTA have a history), and another of Christy's antagonists sets her sights on Michael. Christy's battles to save her marriage and public image provide pages of good reading, though the plot hinges on a string of coincidences, and Michael's revulsion toward parenting feels forced. Still, Quinn's sharp portrayal of shady corporate dealings and shadier private school shenanigans is good fun up to its happy ending. (Mar.)

A lovely day

2006-11-10T21:38:00.000-05:00

This has been a busy week of writing, soliciting prizes for my contest, and shopping. Lord have mercy, did I go on a retail bender today! It was so much fun and I bought the cutest outfits. I don't know what came over me. First, I met my screenwriter, who I absolutely adore, for lunch . We went to a new Greek place which was delish. Boy did the studio assign the right screenwriter to adapt my book. We think so much alike and we really do enjoy each other's company. Plus she has great doctor recommendations for any kind of medical specialist you could ever want. It is important to know people who know things like that. She also has amazing taxi karma - she can conjure a taxi out of nowhere when one can't be found. Plus we have daughters the same age and both of our youngest kids go to the same school. How lucky am I to even know my screenwriter (most authors never meet the screenwriters), much less adore her? So, after lunch, she mentioned to me how wonderful body butter from the Body Shop was. So I went in and bought two tins of it (in olive oil and pomogranate flavors - I'm anxious to try them both). Then I happened to walk past my favorite shop and ducked in (BIG MISTAKE) and bought a cool black sweater and three very sexy tops. After buying all these clothes, what was I to do but get my nails done (Schuyler joined me for some mother-daughter bonding). It was one of those very girly days I love so much. Little writing got done. Oh well. There's always next week.

Meanwhile, I've been soliciting prizes for my contest (which starts January 2) and I've gotten some wonderful things - gold jewelry, bath products, books, panty of month club, accessories, gorgeous evening bags, makeup, beautiful scarves, chocolate - OMG - what an amazing contest this will be. You must enter it! BUT one company I solicited thought someone was using my name to scam them into giving a thief free prizes. Apparently someone pretended to be Jessica Simpson's assistant and got all these businesses to give her free stuff for Jessica (but not really). This particular bad girl is going to jail. The company really thought that's what was going on. Frankly, you'd have to be a pretty dumb scam artist to use my name to get free stuff. I mean, who has ever heard of me???? I'm about as famous as Hester Brown - ever heard of her? I thought not. She wrote The Little Lady Agency, a book I randomly chose from my bookshelf to make the point. I suppose I should be honored to think that someone in the world thought that I had a name worthy of using to steal stuff. But alas, I don't. My solicitation was for real. And the company was so sweet. They contacted me at my web site to warn me about the possible scam. Honestly, people are so nice. I hope they participate in the contest after all that.

Mama Gena

2006-11-06T22:16:00.000-05:00

I had the most wonderful weekend at my second Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts Mastery class. Mama Gena is spreading the word about the pleasure revolution for women and it is the most fun you could ever have with your clothes on (and in fact, sometimes our clothes are not on). The class is participatory; it is empowering in the way that women's lib was to ladies of yore, but there's a lot more fun, dancing, kissing, and sex involved. Seriously, the homework assignment Saturday night was to get a strange man to kiss you. Many of the women in class were quite successful at it, thank you very much. I was not, but I didn't try. I'm somewhat of a slacker when it comes to homework. Yesterday we learned about massive extended orgasms for women. I have a book to read where I'll learn more. This is homework I will be doing. Anyway, if you're intrigued, check out her web site at http://www.mamagenas.com/ . I'm having a blast taking the class and would love to take it again in the Spring. In fact, 30% of the women in class have taken the program before. The women in the program are incredibly wonderful and inspiring (and they're from all over the world). I feel like this will be a life changing experience for me.

Besides my Mama Gena program, I've been writing with a goal of getting twenty pages a week. So my new book is slowly taking shape. That's been fun. And, I've been busy creating the coolest contest we're going to roll out in January in anticipation of Wife in the Fast Lane coming out. I've been soliciting prizes for the contest and I'm getting some great loot so I hope you will participate. It'll give you a chance to show your creative side by expressing your experience of life in the fast lane through video or the written word. Stay tuned.

Ten pounds later...

2006-10-31T09:35:00.000-05:00

Muy apologies for not having written. Is that how you spell muy? Anyway, I've been swamped, swamped I tell you. Writing. Dieting. Parenting. Wife-ing. Yeow! It takes up so much time. Plus, I attended my first Mama Gena's School of Womenly Arts class about a month ago and she gave us a lot of homework. There's another session this weekend and I'm cramming to get all my assignments done. I'll write about the class after next week. As a writer, I didn't have the words to describe the experience. Excellent class but quite shocking. That's all I can say. I'm rushing off to breakfast at the W Hotel with friends. But I wanted to report the amazing weight loss of 10 pounds. It could be more (or less) depending where I stand on my cheap scale. I like to stand towards the back where it looks like I've lost the most. Anyway, it's all due to exercise and eating less. Duh! But I'm also taking lots of vitamins and supplements - about 40 a day. It would be a lot less if I could swallow a big pill, but I can't. So everything has to be cut in half. Must run. I promise to write more after Mama Gena's class next weekend. I'll do my best to describe this indescribable experience. Hugs, Karen

I was a bad, bad girl

2006-10-08T21:42:00.000-04:00

I just did the most terrible thing. I have shocked myself to the core of my very being because I never violate rules or laws, but tonight I did. I really wanted to see "The Queen," so I went to the theater at 23rd and 8th. But the film was sold out. So I bought a ticket to "Little Miss Sunshine," which I've seen and loved and decided to see again. As I walked toward my theater, I saw that the theater next door was for "The Queen." So I ducked inside and took a seat. I was SO nervous. The theater was filling up and I was just waiting for the usher to come down the aisle with his flashlight asking everyone to present proof of having bought a ticket. I decided I would just say I'd lost my ticket if they asked me. But finally, the lights dimmed and the movie started and there I was illegally, immorally, and unethically sitting in a seat in which I was not entitled to sit. It was kind of thrilling really. I felt like an criminal or at least a bad seed. Let's hope I don't go to hell for this. It's the kind of thing I'd yell at my children for doing - and rightly so. If you happened to go to that movie tonight, but could not find a seat, then please accept my apologies. I was wrong and I'll never do it again. In fact, confessing the crime has been cathartic. Meanwhile, the movie was quite good and I'd highly recommend it.

I've lost four pounds!

2006-10-06T11:03:00.000-04:00

...which goes to show you that it can be done. I'm following the plan I laid out with the nutritionist and exercise physiologist at Canyon Ranch and it's working. If (no, WHEN) I make my goal, I'll get a sexy nude picture taken and post it on this site. On second thought, scratch that. My children read my blog. There's probably nothing more gross and disgusting to a child than the site of their mother naked (even if she's lost 25 pounds). Speaking of gross, I saw Olivia Newton John on the Today Show today and she looks tres bizarre. She's had so much work done on her face that I swear she has morphed into Calista Flockhart. She has those big Calista lips and those high sticking out Calista cheekbones. Seriously, where'd the old Olivia go? That is so sad. I noticed the same thing about Cynthia Nixon. She's had a lot of work and she no longer looks like the Sex in the City Cynthia. But she looks better than Calista, I mean Olivia.

Canyon Ranch photos

2006-10-04T17:46:00.000-04:00

I promised I'd share some of the pictures I took at Canyon Ranch and here they are...

This is the area outside the clubhouse where we eat all that delicious, healthy, fart inducing food.

This is a house I've admired for years along the path of our daily walk. Wouldn't you love to know what's behind those blue doors?

A lovely photo of the beautiful Arizona desert taken along our walk.

Below is my road less traveled picture. I think it could go on a book cover or a greeting card!

Quick note, if the pictures are screwed up or repeated or otherwise not as they should be, please pardon. I'm having a lot of trouble managing the photo feature of this blogging thingamajig.

So, back to Canyon Ranch. Mom and I had a fantastic time this year at our visit. I learned a lot about nutrition and exercise. You'd think I'd know it all by now after seven years visiting this spa, but no, there's always more. I finally get why cocoa puffs are bad for me. Who knew? That's progress. I also worked with a wonderful doctor who did all kinds of blood work for my heart and hormones, plus gave me a bone density test. I have a lot of work to do - need to lose weight and do more weight bearing exercises. Oh, the perils of growing old (and overeating).

While I was there, I picked up an excellent book by a doctor at the ranch - Ultrametabolism by Dr. Mark Hyman. There's a website too. If you sign up for the newsletter they send you all these interesting tips on health and weight loss. I highly recommend the book and the site. http://www.ultrametabolism.com/

Mom and I took several cooking classes while we were there, so I came home and cooked up a storm - all healthy stuff that I've frozen so we can eat well with little prep time. I've also stepped up my workout so I can lose...dum de dum dum...25 pounds. I'll be a stick at that point, but why not, eh? Let's hope I stay motivated, always the hard part after getting all pumped up towards a goal. Don't you just wish there were a magic pill you could take? I do.

I'm home and writing again. My goal is to finish a first draft by Christmas. So many goals, so little time. Had lunch with Lizzie Noble today, a wonderful author who just moved to New York from London (The Friendship Test, The Tenko Club, The Reading Group). She's really loving it here and it was fun to hear her observations of how life in Manhattan differs from that in London. She is quite impressed with that clear plastic protection paper that moves on the toilet seats at Saks (and other toilets throughout the city). I guess they don't have those in the UK.

One more thing, very cool. When I was in line at the Tuscon Airport to go home, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was "the author." I couldn't believe it. Someone actually recognized me. It was a movie star moment.

Greetings from Canyon Ranch

2006-09-27T18:10:00.000-04:00

Yes, I send you greetings from Tucson, Arizon - Canyon Ranch. I'm on my annual mother daughter bonding and get healthy trip with, who else, but mom. We are about four days into the trip and having an amazing time as always. I'll post some pictures shortly. Canyon Ranch is all about healthy living in any and every way you can imagine. Everything you eat is prepared with fresh, healthy ingredients (leading to mass farting among the guests due to excessive ruffage), you exercise - everything you can imagine - swimming aerobics, strength training, dancing, boxing, pilates - I could go on and on - any sport or activity you can think of (except sailing, surfing, scuba). Mom and I start with a two mile hike every morning. After, we take about four very vigorous exercise classes followed by an hour of stretching. We're also visiting doctors for blood work, bone density tests, nutritionists, exercise physiologists, etc. The day ends with a massage and then another healthy, delicious, fart producing, dinner. Alas, as night falls, we too fall (into bed). It's a wonderful vacation and I am so lucky to have my mother to enjoy it with. I'm not writing this week, but I am pondering the next act of my new book. Hmmmm...

Seeing Jessica Lang

2006-09-21T09:48:00.000-04:00

This'll be a quickie because I need to get to my writing. Next week I'll be going to Canyon Ranch to spa out, so I've set a goal for pages per day and sadly, I'm a bit behind.

Yesterday I had lunch with my friend Janet who is both a writer and a psychic. In fact, she has just written a wonderful book about her many psychic readings through the years and landed an agent. Yay Janet! It is a bit nerve wracking hanging out with a psychic because you wonder if she's reading your mind, even by accident, or seeing something in your future that she doesn't mention. But Janet is so fun to be with and interesting to talk to that I try to put all that out of my mind. I wonder if she knows that? Anyway, we were eating at Odeon and sitting right behind us was Jessica Lang. She was wearing no makeup and looked absolutely amazing. The woman is quite beautiful.

Schuyler did get the part in her school play - she'll be Margo in Anne Frank. I'm really proud of her. She also just got her dental work done and now has a $6,500 smile. Don't let anyone ever tell you children aren't expensive. But they're worth it.

Okay, off to my manuscript...

Saturday

2006-09-09T14:38:00.000-04:00

Schuyler is in her room belting out "Suddenly Seymour." I'm smiling and just loving that child to death. I know, she drives me nuts at times, but she's so damn lovable. Do all parents of teenagers feel this way? She's trying out for the school play next week - Anne Frank. I'm her acting coach. Hopefully she'll get the part. Sam is still sleeping and it's 2 p.m. I've checked to be sure he's still alive and he still is. I let him sleep so late because 1) he's going back to school next week so why shouldn't he veg out if that's what he wants to do, and 2) he's a teenage boy and I think, although I'm not certain, children only grow when they're sleeping. He's trying to put on five more inches before he stops growing.

My shoulder and neck are killing me. I'm going to have to call in one of those ergonomic specialists. This is the downside of writing six hours a day, although many people work on computers all day. Hence, the development of the ergonomic specialist. I hope this doesn't cost me an arm and a leg.

My editor sent me the proposed book cover of Wife in the Fast Lane for the U.S. It's our third attempt and I think they really got it this time. As a wife in the fast lane myself, I wish I could put myself together like the WIFL on the cover. She's much more elegant and fancily dressed than I'll ever be. And her legs! Yowza yowza! They're amazing. This is good because the protagonist is a former Olympic runner. Yes, I think they got it.

back to school

2006-09-08T21:28:00.000-04:00

This was the first week back to school for Schuyler. Now I remember why I so prefer summer with the kids to fall. We had our first fight in ages over what she was going to wear on day 1. The outfit she attempted to slide by me consisted of leggings with a short, tight top that ended right beneath her butt. Good for an 18-year-old going to a club, bad for a 15- year-old going to school. I made her put shorts over the leggings and she was SO humiliated. She said she looked like a parachute. A parachute? Next week Sam goes back (but not until Friday). I look forward to days of quiet writing ahead.

Some Odds and Ends

2006-09-04T22:17:00.000-04:00

It is Labor Day weekend and the air has cooled to a crisp 70 degrees. We went to the U.S. Open on Friday night, only to watch rain instead of tennis. Luckily we were enjoying one of those fancy corporate boxes so we ate a delightful catered dinner and drank some lovely chardonay before catching the train home. So it wasn't a total loss. Plus, they gave us very cool goody bags that included Swatch Watches. I know that compared to Oscar and Emmy swag, that's not much. But in my world, a free Swatch Watch is nothing to sneeze at.

Schuyler and I went shopping for her school clothes and ran into Whoopie Goldberg on West Broadway in Soho. She was walking with a tall, handsome dude with lots of braids (just like hers). Between new clothes and major dental work, my daughter has tapped me out. Note to file: sell another book fast.

Mark and I were just out walking on the Upper West Side and we popped into Barnes and Noble. There was a pile of "The Ivy Chronicles" sitting on the "Favorite Paperbacks" table. I was so excited. A woman was organizing the books so I thanked her for putting them there. She asked if I'd like to sign them and I said, "moi? But of course." So I am just back from an unexpected book signing. I looked completely schlubby and was carrying my leftover dinner and a carton of milk. It was kind of embarassing to admit to being the author under bad hair day circumstances but I couldn't stop myself.

Here's a little scoop for you. Mark was at a party last night with a bunch of musicians, his usual partying crowd. He was told by someone in the know that Elvis Costello and Diana Krall are having twins. I knew she was pregnant, but didn't know about the twins. Well, congrats to Diana and Elvis. That's fantastic.

Happy Fall.

What I did on my summer vacation...

2006-08-17T17:34:00.000-04:00

Vacations are sadly coming to an end. Sam's last day of camp is tomorrow. Schuyler came back, then promptly left for the Hamptons. Just two more weeks of summer. Here are some photos from our vacation. We had such a great time...

Santorini, exactly what you'd expect a Greek island to look like

Mark in Santorini

The Love Boat

The rug merchant in Istanbul was so pushy that I told him I could only buy his rug if I could take a picture, then go home to see if it matched my decor. But really, I was just trying to get the out of there without spending $8,000. If I hadn't taken this photo I'd probably still be there.

Jen and Bob who were our best friends on the cruise. They're from Canada.

Me and Mark or is it Mark and I? Whatever. We took this after visiting Ephasis.

Schuyler at camp. She thinks her lips are too small which is why she makes that Betty Boop expression.

Back to reality

2006-08-09T10:37:00.000-04:00

Well, we're back home. Back to reality. It's alright. I'm ready. Sort of. The cruise was wonderful fun. We loved Santorini, and, no, we hadn't been there before. It's one of those Greek towns on top of a big mountain where all the houses and restaurants are painted white. You had to take a tram up to the top. My mom visited there last year and said the tram wasn't working so they rode donkeys to the top. One donkey fell on top of a woman riding him and broke her leg. Glad we didn't take the donkey. It was a lovely place to walk and we stopped for a drink at a cafe overlooking the water that encircled a volcano right in front of the island.

Mark in Santorini
The next day, we went to Split, Croatia. It was slightly interesting. There was an old city dating back to 300 AD that we explored. And finally, the last day, we went to Venice, Italy. It was totally amazing, as Venice always is. Such a beautiful city. And now, we're home again. Oh, minor celebrity sighting to report. We flew in the same business class cabin with either Daniel or Stephen Baldwin. I'm not sure which. Once you get past Alec I can't tell them apart. But it was definitely a Baldwin brother, no question. He looked like a total schlub and I didn't recognize him until Mark pointed him out. He was travelling with a very beautiful woman in big sunglasses.

Sam's first question on our return was, "whadja get me?" Kids never change, do they? He's trying to convince us to buy him a new laptop, which I'm resisting. He's got a computer that works just fine. I told him I'd buy him one for his birthday, but he can't wait (his birthday's in October for God's sake). Last night he was coming up with all these hairbrained schemes to earn the money to buy a laptop. My favorite was his plan to sell his sperm. Why? Because "I can produce a lot of it in a short amount of time." Just what a mother wants to hear. I don't think sperm banks accept deposits from 13-year-olds, but I encouraged him to give them a call to make sure. That would be the ultimate job for a pubescent boy - "What'd you do this summer?" "Oh, I made a mint donating sperm." Honestly, I had no idea he even knew about this. Maybe he just read about it in science class. Yeah, that's it.

Schuyler is in California visiting cousins. They're going to Yosemite National Park and San Francisco. One more week of freedom from worrying about Schuyler's whereabouts. Better enjoy it when I can.

The cruise continues...

2006-08-02T13:09:00.000-04:00

We're sailing again after having spent the day in Rhodas, Greece. Tomorrow we'll be in Santorini. I think I've been there before, but I can't remember for sure. Neither can Mark. When you take cruises and visit these small islands, they all start to run together. Yesterday we were in Ephasis (spelled wrong for sure). This is the oldest city ever discovered by archeologists - over 3,000 years old. It is an amazing excavation, with only 20% of the city uncovered. Ephasis was an advanced society with running water, whore houses, libraries, stores, homes, stadiums - everything you'd want today (well, no toilet paper or air conditioning).

The library in Ephasis
They showed us the communal bathrooms for the men. They used to sit on the marble toilets (there was a whole line of them)and pontificate, philosophize, and ponder. But there was no toilet paper so they would reach down when they had done their business and soak their left hand in the water that ran at their feet. Then they'd use that hand to wipe their butts. This is where the tradition of shaking people's right hands began! I'm not shitting you! Oops. Anyway, many of these men had slaves so in the winter they'd send their slaves over ahead of time to sit on the marble toilets and warm the stone with their own tushes. This was the first incidence of heated toilet seats ever recorded in the history of mankind. I swear, you can't make this stuff up.

Here's a picture of the communal toilets

Rhodas was fairly interesting. We explored the ancient palace there, bought a hat for Mark, and fed a stray cat. There are lots of stray cats around here. This makes me miss my own two cats, Smokey and Cookie. I hope they're faring well in the 100+ degree heat in Manhattan. I hope my son is as well. Miss him too. And my daughter who is at camp and returning on Sunday.

We've made some excellent new friends on the ship so far, plus met a few weirdos. Actually, I enjoy meeting the weirdos a lot because I can use them as characters in future books. And I certainly will. When I get back to New York, I'll post a few pictures from this trip so you can see how beautiful this part of the world is (in case you haven't been here yet).

Cruising on the Crystal

2006-07-30T12:54:00.000-04:00

I write you now from Istanbul, Turkey, where we are sailing on the good ship Crystal Symphony. It's totally luxurious and wonderful, the virtual Ritz Carleton of the sea. If you ever want to be treated like a queen, book a trip on a Crystal ship. They're amazing.

Enjoyed Istanbul quite a lot. I visited my first mosque, which was so cool. One interesting factoid is that boys don't get circumcised here until they're seven. The idea is that they should be able to understand that this is a step toward manhood. Yesterday, at the Blue Mosque (the most famous Mosque of all and if I'm spelling Mosque wrong, please forgive me), we saw a little seven-year-old in his white satin and jeweled hat and his special ceremonial robe entering the building with great excitement about his impending circumcision (to take place at the Mosque). Obviously his parents didn't tell him what he was in for. I wanted to tell him, "RUN! Escape while you can." But of course, I didn't. Perhaps it would have been seen as religiously incorrect and threatening. But that poor child!

We went to an apparently world famous night club last night called Raina. Three thousand hot, sweaty (but nicely dressed) singles out for some dancing and hook ups. This is truly not my scene and I told Mark, "this sucks, get me the #*#@ out of here." But we were with the headwaiter from the ship and he was in a funk over the demise of his marriage, so we stayed. Luckily we found a table above the noise and body odor where we could talk and drink and enjoy the amazing view. It was so weird looking down on those 3,000 tanned, toned bodies as they pulsated to current disco tunes. Most people were wearing white.

What else? We spent a few days in Athens before boarding the ship. That was fun. It was so hot there. Mark made me climb up to the Acropolis even though I'd seen it a few years ago and had no desire to climb that mountain again, especially in hundred degree weather. But I joined him because I thought it would be good exercise to counterbalance the thousands of calories I'm downing every day. When you sail the Mediteranean, every port always has some fort or castle or ancient ruins high on a mountain. Why? I don't know. But Mark always insists on climbing the mountain and seeing the ruins first hand. I usually go alone with him because, what else do we have to do? The views are quite spectacular.

Quick disturbing report about Air France. We flew Air France to Paris and then took a different flight to Athens. We were sitting in the front two seats right behind the cockpit and were dismayed to note that there was nothing barring the cockpit door. Further, the stewardesses constantly left their little prep area empty as they went about their work and passengers would come up, knock on the cockpit door, and enter to chat up the pilots. We must have seen ten passengers go up for a little visit during the flight. Coming from New York, this totally freaked us out. If we'd had the desire and skills to hijack that plane, it would have been so easy. At least getting into the cockpit would have been. Needless to say, we won't be flying Air France again. This is sad because their food was very good.

Well, I'm off. It's almost dinnertime and I must dress. Did I mention we are sitting at the Captain's table? We are. How we got assigned there, I'll never know. Perhaps they heard what a charming couple Mark and I are so they put us there to keep the Captain entertained. I do think I put my foot in my mouth the first night when I mentioned to Cap'n (that's what I call him) that if I were going to murder someone, I'd do it on a cruise ship. I've been thinking about that because I thought it might make a fun plot in a book. Cap'n looked askance at me when I mentioned how I'd pull off the perfect murder on his ship. He told me all the obstacles that would stop me which was helpful (security cameras are everywhere!). Anyway, I explained that I was a writer and my interest was purely for entertainment purposes, but Cap'n seems to think I'm weird as opposed to charming. Oh well.

Bon Apetite!

vacation, 5th grade, mama gina

2006-07-24T08:31:00.000-04:00

Mark and I are flying out to Athens later. There, we'll board the Crystal Symphony and cruise to Istanbul, Kusadasi, Rhodes, Santorini, Split, and Venice. I'm totally psyched to be on vacation and to be spending time alone (no kids!) with Mark. I love entering the fantasy world of vacations where you can forget all your responsibilities and just revel in the moment. No alarm clocks, no errands, no work. Yesssss! On Saturday night, Mark went out to hear some jazz very late, as he always does. I didn't go as I'm generally passed out by midnight when he leaves. But he went to a club and who was there but Chaka Khan. Mark ended up dancing away the evening with Chaka and our friend, Leslie, a 6 foot plus gorgeous black jazz singer. I told him that starting his vacation by dancing with Chaka Khan bode well for the rest of our trip. Wish I'd been there. I worship Chaka Khan. Hope I'm spelling her name right.

Earlier Saturday night, I went to Odeon with David Rubin, a friend of mine since we were in cribs. And I mean, baby cribs. He updated me on all our mutual friends from San Antonio. It was great hearing how all were doing (except for the ones who died - not so great hearing about them). An old friend, Julie Alyn sent me a copy of our fifth grade picture which was surprisingly touching to see. I was such a nerd then - cat-rimmed glasses, bobby socks. There was Howard Haring, who was already losing his hair in fifth grade, Donna Balin, my old best friend looking adorable, Caroline Haight, with her perfect posture, John Gouge, the cutest and smartest boy in class who died of a drug overdose years later, Hilton Whitehead and Linda Hefner, the two kids we teased and tortured, Mike Burns whose brother died in a car crash, Bettilynn Ford, the loud and obnoxious beauty, Jackson Diehl, the op-ed editor of the Washington Post now, Mrs. Richter looking like an old lady at fifty. David told me that his first kiss was with Krista McBee at Connie McCombs house (she's Red McCombs's daughter - owner of the San Antonio spurs - it was quite the house). I wasn't invited to that party and was miffed to hear that I was excluded even after 35 years. But I practically died when I heard that Krista was his first kiss. She was the biggest bitch west of the Mississippi. The girl treated me with such cruelty and disdain (kind of like the way we all treated Hilton and Linda in fifth grade). It took years of therapy and I still didn't get over Krista's put-downs. But finally, when I wrote "India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel," I called the queen mean girl, "Eva (Evil) McBee," after you-know-who. At the end of the book, India Fudge goes back in time and prevents Eva's great grandparents from meeting, so she is prevented from being born. I have finally made peace with Krista McBee. Ah, the cathartic benefits of writing.

Meanwhile, my friend Judy invited me to her graduation yesterday from Mama Gina's School of the Womanly Arts. This is a four month course that she took where Mama taught 200 women how to take pleasure in every aspect of their lives. They learned how to appreciate and love their bodies (among other things). Whatever the exercises were to accomplish this, in the end, they worked. Each woman was vamping through her graduation like she possessed the body of Raquel Welch. It was quite a sight to see. There was a movie star among the 200 women but I'm not allowed to say who it was (damn!). Many testified about what had happened to them since taking the course - several women had fallen in love, gotten engaged, the usual dream-come-true, happily ever after stuff. Anyway, I don't know how they got there, but in the end, these women had all arrived at a place where I'd love to be (who wouldn't?) so I signed up for the course. Still haven't had the guts to tell Mark that I enrolled, mainly because it's so expensive. It's not that I need Mark to approve what I do, but I've been spending a lot of money lately which always gets me nervous. Mama Gina even does Man Training, whatever that is. That's part of the course. Anyway, promise to keep you posted on the experience when class starts (in October).

Well, I'd better go. Haven't even started to pack. Bon Voyage!

Christie Brinkley

2006-07-20T10:24:00.000-04:00

Have you been watching the Christie Brinkley scandal? Boy, do I feel sorry for her. Here she is with husband number four, thinking FINALLY! I'm done. No more blind dates. No more waiting for the telephone to ring. No more weddings to plan. And then, boom, the guy cheats on her. What an asshole. Of course, we're only hearing one side of the story. Maybe she's an impossible prima dona. Maybe she berates and belittles him in the privacy of their fifty million dollar mansion. But I doubt it. She strikes me as being nice (for a star). This turn of events confirms my theory that God's blessings only go so far. Christie was born beautiful, had an amazing career, made lots of money, but boy was she is cursed when it comes to men. Princess Diana was the same - beautiful, rich, married a prince, but then suffered a miserable marriage (along with low self-esteem, bad eating habits, and a mother who abandoned her - a quadruple whammy). Frankly, I'm relieved to be a more average member of the human race. That means I'll be blessed in other places - and I am.

Camp weekend

2006-07-17T15:23:00.000-04:00

It's about 9,000 degrees here in New York City today. The air is ripe with urine and stale garbage. Ahhh, summer in the city. Overrated at best.

Spent the weekend visiting Schuyler at French Woods, an arts camp that she goes to in the Catskills. It is an interesting area of the country. The Hassidic Jews summer there so on Fridays and Saturdays you see them walking along the road - men in suits, jackets, women in their pretty dresses and wigs - even in the 90 degree weather. Yesterday, I saw a Hassidic man in a long black coat, big beard, locks of hair over his sideburns, a massive black hat HITCHIKING on the highway. He was quite a sight. It was exactly like seeing nuns hitchiking, only this was a man and he was Jewish. We didn't pick him up, not that I would have been afraid for my life or anything. Being a Jew myself, I could have recited the sh'ma if he'd tried anything. That would have stopped him or at least confused him. No, we didn't pick him up because we were running late for the bus and slightly lost ourselves.

Anyway, it was fantastic to see Schuyler. She's doing so well and looking beautiful. She danced in the recital which was just terrific. Usually she also performs in the circus, but she had sprained her ankle earlier in the session and couldn't learn her act. They put on the most amazing circus at this camp. I did spy a celeb in the audience - Roseanne Arquette. Her daughter goes there. I'm always on the lookout for the movie stars so that I can report back to you, my faithful readers. Roseanne looked very pretty - thin, great hair-color, hip outfit. David Hasselhoff's kids go there too, but I didn't see him. He must be too busy with "America Has Talent" to visit his children on parent's weekend. For shame, David Hasselhoff!

I got away with eating but one meal at the camp, which was good. The food there is truly disgusting, although the kids don't seem to mind. Schuyler eats the same thing for every meal - mini-corn cobs wrapped in pepperoni and then lettuce. Yum. I've never seen anyone make a brownie taste bad, but at this camp, they make brownies that taste like chocolate spit. Schuyler asked me if I'd come and be a counselor or art teacher there next summer but I couldn't, not with that food. Still, it was nice to be asked.

To go or not to go?

2006-07-12T18:16:00.000-04:00

I'm home in my sweats, no make-up, crunkled hair, trying to decide whether or not I have the energy to get myself together and go to Robin Hazelwood's book party at Soho House which is taking place, where else, but in Soho. She wrote "Student Model," which is based on her own experiences as a high-fashion model while going to school. It's a genuinely fun and engaging book that I highly recommend you read, especially if you're interested in the modeling scene in the 1980's. I blurbed it and she was nice enough to invite me to the party. We had lunch together recently at Odeon and she is a lovely, talented girl. She's also beautiful and tall and young and skinny and a graduate of Yale. Yes, in the slot machine of life, Robin got all cherries. Good for her! Truth be told, I'm slightly intimidated to attend what I expect will be a tres-beautiful-people party at Soho House. Soho House is a very chi-chi, expensive-to-join club that you have be invited into. I've never stepped foot in the place. Frankly, it scares me. Anyhow, there are a multitude of reasons not to go - it just stopped raining so the ground is all wet and puddly, I'd have to get myself pretty (so much work!), there's no one to stay with Sam (he's 13 and old enough to stay home alone, but my psychic told me that he's feeling neglected so how can I risk it? I can't!), I have a big order of cat food that needs to be hauled up from the lobby (Cookie and Smoky are waiting!), America's Got Talent comes on at 8, Mark might call from his business trip - no, there are overwhelming reasons for me to stay home tonight. I hope Robin will forgive me. I think she will. I do wish her the best with the launch of her novel. If you're looking for a juicy beach read, this is it.

Meanwhile, I've been getting the warmest, most encouraging emails from UK readers of "Wife in the Fast Lane." They're all enjoying it. Yay! One women said it was a "life changing" read for her. Can you imagine? That's just beyond! I so enjoy hearing from readers and I'm excited about the response so far. Keep the emails coming. I promise to answer. Well, I'd best go. Sam and the cats need to be fed. Ciao ciao meow meow.

Women's movies

2006-07-10T14:43:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share Jennifer Vandever's post on her blog because I thought it was timely and smart. Jennifer is the author of the very wonderful "The Bronte Project," which is just being published in the UK. I believe it is already out here in the US.

In her great essay, A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf pondered the strange gulf between the position of women in society versus the rather more elevated one enjoyed in literature and on the stage:

Imaginatively she is of the highest importance; practically she is completely insignificant. She pervades poetry from cover to cover; she is all but absent from history. She dominates the lives of kings and conquerers in fiction; in fact she was the slave of any boy whose parents forced a ring upon her finger. Some of the most inspired words, some of the most profound thoughts in literature fall from her lips; in real life she could hardly read, could scarcely spell, and was the property of her husband.

I thought about these words quite a bit lately as I anxiously awaited the opening of the film version of The Devil Wears Prada. No, I wasn't anxious for any directly personal reasons: I had no hand in making the film, knew no one who worked on it, I hadn't even read the book. I was concerned that it do well because it may push Hollywood studios ever so slightly in the direction of making films about women again. For those of you who don't work in the film business and haven't ever tried to sell a "female-driven project" to the gatekeepers of the movie biz, let me fill you in on what's been happening: women have fallen off the radar. In Her Shoes did badly. Ladies, shame on you for not going to it -- no more movies for you. I'm only slightly exaggerating here.

What we are experiencing is a crazy fun-house reversal of Woolf's pre-20th century woman. Women, at least those of us lucky enough to be born into a democratic, first world culture, today enjoy remarkable freedoms that could barely be imagined centuries ago: we can vote, drive cars, wander about unchaperoned, own property, inherit money, use credit cards, receive an education. We are no longer the slave of any boy whose parents force a ring on our fingers. We even get to choose whom we marry and why. We can also get divorced if it doesn't work out. What a world! And yet, take a look up at the screen and we see...hm....no women.

This isn't to say there are no women at all up on the screens. The Break Up did very well, yes. Yay, Jennifer! But it was marketed as The Wedding Crashers visit Rachel on Friends, emphasizing the male bonding between actors Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. The only other successful romantic comedies of the past year? Wedding Crashers and Failure to Launch. Even the romantic comedy has become a male-dominated genre departing from its egalitarian history of dueling equals found in The Awful Truth and Philadelphia Story.

Remember how thin the Best Actress category seemed this year at the Oscars (and three of the five came from either the independent film world or Great Britain)? And how the men's category seemed awfully deep while still leaving out at least two brilliant performances (Ralph Fiennes in The Constant Gardener and Eric Bana in Munich)? It's the usual stuff that gets trotted out for the annual "where are the women?" think-piece in the New York Times. But what doesn't get reported is how screenwriters, directors and producers are navigating that reality. After writing three admired-but-unproduced scripts with strong female protagonists, my most recent screenplay was a romantic comedy largely driven by the male lead (it won a contest, it got me meetings, but alas, one of the other main characters was gay which made it a tougher sell in the pre-Brokeback days). Or as Murphy Brown creator Diane English was quoted in the latest Written By, the Writer's Guild magazine regarding her seven year journey to re-make The Women and her general insistence on developing female-centric stories: "I'll say, 'look at Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City, Golden Girls, and in film, 9 to 5, The First Wives Club, Waiting to Exhale, and Steel Magnolias,' and they go, 'Fluke. Fluke. Fluke. Fluke. Fluke. Fluke, fluke, fluke…'"

This quote was particularly depressing coming from someone as successful as English. But it's a familiar trope, one that I've grown all too used to as a screenwriter now trying to set up the film version of my first novel. The Brontë Project has a (gasp) central female character, and even references in its very title Charlotte Brontë, one of the alleged progenitors of chick-lit -- a fact the Brontë sisters would find amusing since their work when first published was criticized for being too crude and unfit for female consumption. This in itself is a reminder of just how slippery notions of masculine and feminine can be. Alas, chick lit and her sister-in-media, the chick flick, has now come to simply mean anything written by, for, or about women. Anything. A central female character automatically makes one's work a niche project, a specialty film. This is something one must downplay in pitch meetings, assuring the powers that be that this isn't just the story of a woman -- no, there are a number a great, vivid male characters. Which is true. But it still feels creepy -- as if I and the producer and director I'm working with must downplay wanting to tell a woman's story. Who would be so foolish as to do such a thing?

Which brings me back to The Devil Wears Prada. The common wisdom these days is that the most desired audience member is the 15 year-old boy: he buys popcorn (a key source of revenue for theaters), he sees movies on their opening weekend, he doesn't read reviews. It's also assumed that a girl will go to a boy's movie but a boy will never see a girl's. And I don't even think Devil is specifically a girl's movie but it most certainly will be perceived (and is being marketed) as pure chick-flick. The happy ending (at least for now) is that Prada far exceeded the expectation of industry analysts who predicted a debut of less than $20 million (the film grossed $27 million in its opening weekend). "I don't know what to say. This is beyond my expectations," Bruce Snyder, 20th Century Fox's head of distribution, said of the film's opening numbers.

Hopefully speechless Bruce and his friends at the big studios will start saying "yes" to female-driven stories instead of simply, "fluke." Yes, it does seem silly to pin one's hopes on something so frothy. But if contemporary women, with all their buying power and social advances, want to start seeing films featuring the experience of the other half of the world's population then hopefully the film business won't remain forever the slave of any boy with the price of a ticket.

note from Karen: As a person who has optioned her book to Hollywood, I am hopeful that the powers that be continue making women's movies. I went to see The Devil Wears Prada the weekend it opened and was delighted to see a theater full of women. Very unusual. My friend (and screenwriter for The Ivy Chronicles), Tracey Jackson, says that right now, it's the men's movies that are getting the green light in Hollywood - vehicles for Ben Stiller, Will Farrell, Jack Black and that gang. And after last weekends's blockbuster release of Pirates of the Carribean (I know, I can't spell), we'll see a lot more of those big event/theme park ride movies getting made. Not a movie I'd go see, but my son was first in line this weekend. It's discouraging. Bottom line: we should support women's stories that are made into movies or there will be fewer and fewer of them.

P Day!

2006-07-03T20:00:00.000-04:00

It's July 3, publication day for Wife in the Fast Lane in the UK. It's thrilling and exciting and I just wish I could be there to see my books stacked up on the shelves. That is the most awesome feeling for an author. A few readers have written to say they're mid-book and really enjoying it. Thank you for writing to me. Please, keep the emails coming. You have no idea how happy I am to receive them. And I promise to answer you.

Meanwhile, it's July 4th weekend in Manhattan. The city is absolutely dead. If you're from elsewhere, this is a great time to come visit. You can get in anywhere. Last night, we went to see Arturo O'Farrell at Birdland - an African-Cuban big-band. They're pretty great. We had no problem getting in without a reservation. Tonight, we're planning to see another big band at The Village Vanguard - this one more in the Frank Sinatra mode. I had a funny experience earlier in the week. My friend, Jamie (the pediatrician/brain surgeon - I swear!) and I went to the Tenement Museum in lower Manhattan to hear Katherine Weber speak. She wrote the book, Triangle, about (what else) the famous Triangle Fire of 1911. As we were leaving, this old man said to Jamie, "don't I know you from somewhere?" Me, being completely oblivious in the ways of men trying to pick up women, engaged the gentleman in a discussion trying to figure out where he knew Jamie from. Of course he didn't. It was a line. Duh! Then, his companion, another old guy, starts talking to me. He's acting totally flirty, but I'm not catching on because, hell, I'm married 25 years and flirting is not an everyday activity for me. But then I realized that he was being awfully forward and touchy, so I mentioned my husband. He immediately ended the conversation and moved on to another girl. It was very flattering, of course, but slightly weird when you realize that the guy I was talking to was at least 15 years older than me, and the other guy was 25 years older than Jamie. Still, I was touched and appreciative that ANY man would find me attractive enough to try to pick me up at a book reading. I know, it's slightly pathetic. But at least I'm still in the game.

The Great New Wonderful

2006-06-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

I just saw a fantastic film called "The Great New Wonderful." I'm calling it a film instead of a movie because I saw it at the Angelica, which is where all the independent films play. It's an ensemble piece with five stories about New Yorkers coping with the aftermath of 9/11. Each story is unique, realistic, and somewhat heartbreaking (although there is a lot of humor in the movie, ahem, film). Afterwards, the director got up and spoke along with one of the stars. This was an unexpected bonus. I had no idea it was going to happen, but boom, there they were. It was quite weird to see an actor in person that you just saw on the big screen (Jim Gaffigan). There was a Q&A that was extremely interesting. They shot the film in 24 days on a pretty small budget. The theater was about half full and many people left right after so the director spoke to a pretty small crowd. It reminded me of going on a book tour. Too often you speak to small groups. I highly recommend this movie if it comes to your city.

This was another case of naming a movie after a fairly unimportant element of the piece (like "The Drowsy Chaperone" I mentioned in an earlier blog). "The Great New Wonderful" is the name of the bakery Maggie Gyllenhaal owns. That's one of the five stories in the show, er, film. Now that I've seen this done twice, I suppose I could do it, too, even though it still feels like cheating to me.

Tonight my friend Brooke is coming in and we're going to dinner at our favorite place to dine together - Echo. It's a small Italian restaurant just down the block from me, the place where I had my birthday dinner this year. Brooke is a reporter who does the Scoop page for People Magazine. Schuyler is at yet another Sweet 16 party (seems like just yesterday it was a bar mitzvah every weekend). Mark is at the National Track and Field Championships in Indianapolis. Sam is hanging out, breaking in his new haircut.

Another celeb sighting

2006-06-18T17:54:00.000-04:00

I swear, my life is just filled with glitz and glamour. Today, I noticed in the paper that there were two open houses in my neighborhood that I wanted to go to - one for a $4.5 million apt. and one for a $5.5 million apt. Just wanted to see how much better they were than my apartment. The answer? MUCH, MUCH BETTER! But anyway, as I was returning from the more expensive apartment, who (whom?) did I walk past but the guy who plays Christopher on the Sopranos. I know he lives in our neighborhood because I've seen him several times, often with kids. I wanted to yell out, "Happy father's day, Chris," but then I contained myself and acted like I didn't even notice him. Luckily, I was wearing dark glasses so he couldn't see my eyes beholding him. Of course, he probably saw me and said (to himself), "Oh my God! There's the author of the Ivy Chronicles!" Naaaaaah! Bottom line on the sighting: he's better looking in person than on TV. And, his arms are very muscular - this is a guy who works out with a trainer. Finally, he's a little guy, but I always suspected that.

The Drowsy Chaperone

2006-06-14T16:55:00.000-04:00

I went to see the Drowsy Chaperone last night on Broadway. It was cute. There were some very funny lines. And the concept was clever. It was odd to me that they named it "The Drowsy Chaperone" in that this character wasn't even the lead. But, of course, the name is catchy. Still, naming a play after a supporting character seems like a cheat. I struggle so much over titles. If I could go with a title that relates to the story but isn't germane to the main theme, it would be so much easier. Maybe I should consider it... Tonight I'm having dinner with my friends Tatiana (Style reporter for the NY Times and a first time novelist) and Jamie (a pediatrician and former brain surgeon - I swear!!!). We're going to the Knickerbocker, one of my favorite restaurants in the Village. I'm very psyched to have a girls night out dinner. I've been working very hard on coming up with the story for book #4 and I'm making progress. Whew!

India Fudge and book #4

2006-06-10T18:33:00.000-04:00

I turned in India Fudge this week, that is, I gave it to my agent. She'll read it now and I'm sure she will make comments. So, there will be one more round of edits on my part before we show it to publishers. I'm very hopeful that I'll sell the book because 1) I worked so hard on it, and 2) It's SUCH a fun story. I know, I should be more modest about it, but, hey, can't a girl get excited about her book? Here's my "elevator speech" about the story in case you are curious:

In 2006, the remains of a murdered young girl are found in the basement of a Fifth Avenue mansion that was, for over one hundred years, a boarding school for girls. In 1879, Fanny Reilly, a terrified maid fleeing the lecherous advances of the headmistress's husband, takes refuge in a cabinet where she finds a time travel tunnel leading to the mansion of today. Once through, Fanny meets India Fudge, a spoiled but lovable thirteen-year-old skateboarding misfit whose billionaire family owns the stately home, and her best friend, TJ, a boy genius whose father has little use for him. Together the children set out to determine if the body discovered in the basement is, as they suspect, Fanny's. But when they go back in time to prevent the murder from happening in the first place, each of their lives is changed in ways that none of them could have imagined. "India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel" is filled with quirky characters, suspense, humor, and unexpected plot twists. It is akin to "Time and Again," Jack Finney's classic tale about a modern day man who travels back to the nineteenth Century and solves a mystery that still has people baffled in his own time - but India Fudge appeals to a younger audience.

I'm trying to come up with a diffent name for the book, one that doesn't give away in the title that it's about time travel. I have a bunch of possibilities but haven't settled on one yet.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to come up with the hook for my next book. Simon and Schuster contracted for another two so I need to get moving. I have tons of beginning ideas, but I have to decide which subject will keep me excited for many months and years to come. So, I'm not rushing into choosing any particular theme. I'm letting all my ideas swirl around in my head for a while. But, of course, I can't wait too long.

Wife in the Fast Lane

2006-06-06T10:34:00.000-04:00

I just got my first copy of Wife in the Fast Lane from the UK. It'll be published there on July 3. Can't wait! The book looks wonderful and I just hope everyone has as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

Sweet Rhythm memorial service

2006-06-04T14:48:00.000-04:00

Piano great John Hicks died about ten days ago. Last night, all the jazz luminaries gathered at Sweet Rhythm for a memorial. I didn't go because, as with any official jazz event, it started well after midnight. Mark said that everyone was there - all the jazz royalty - and they performed in tribute to John. His kids were there, as was his twelve-year-old grandaughter who also played. Mark was in tears talking about the night. I think it was even more than John Hick's death. His mentor, Jerry Boltz, died about two weeks ago. The memorial service was yesterday in California and he didn't go. Jerry was the fatherly senior partner Mark never had (because he never worked in a firm). Jerry really watched out for Mark, helped him whenever he could, advised him. Mark is usually not that emotional, but these two deaths got to him. All the stragglers from the John Hicks memorial came to our house after for a nightcap. Sam walked into our bedroom at 11 and said, "Mom and Dad, there's a woman asleep on the living room couch that I don't know and Schuyler doesn't know. Can you please remove her." It was one of the waitresses from Sweet Rhythm who had come over and fallen asleep in the living room. Mark had forgotten about her. Oops. As sad as it is that John Hicks and Jerry Boltz died, the one thing you can say about both of them is that they touched many lives in the most positive way. I don't think a person can ask to do more than that. Both men were so loved and admired. Both men will be missed for years to come. On a much lighter and happier note, we have a friend who is up for a Tony award - for set design for The Pajama Game. I'm really rooting for him. I've never known anyone nominated for a Tony or an Oscar or an Emmy. This is BIG!

Elvis Costello and Diana Krall

2006-05-17T11:57:00.000-04:00

I went out to dinner last night with my wonderful publisher from the UK - Suzanne Baboneau. We ate at Michael's, a fancy upper east side haunt. So we're eating dinner and who is seated right next to us but Elvis Costello and Diana Schur, I mean Krall. I kid you not. I think they are following me. Both had the pea soup with croutons. Then, Diana had the lamb chops, which I had. They were very tastey. Elvis had some sort of vegetarian dish that looked like giant mushroom caps or pancakes or something. As before, Elvis's glasses were extremely thick and strong. It's been two weeks since I last saw him - not enough time for anyone's eyes to improve without Lasik surgery. Diana was casual - no makeup, semi-schlubby clothes, hair in need of color - sorry to say that Diana, but it's true. The couple was having a good time together, talking intimately and laughing. I'm sure they would probably be appalled to know that I was watching them and would blog about it today. But that's what they get for following me.

P.S. Believe it or not, Elvis and Diana are mentioned in my book, Wife in the Fast Lane. Maybe the fact that I keep seeing them is a sign. Of what, I don't know.

Celebrity sighting correction

2006-05-04T10:34:00.000-04:00

I did not see Elvis Costello last week with Diana Schur. I saw him with Diana Krall. DUH! Just wanted to do a bit of rumor control. Thanks to my mother and sister-in-laws for pointing out the error. Schuyler got her bellybutton pierced against my specific instructions. I must decide what to do about it. If I had any backbone I'm make her pull it out immediately. However she doesn't want me to tell Mark about it so I'm thinking this might be just the leverage I need to get her to clean her room.

breakfast at the W

2006-04-28T11:41:00.000-04:00

I just came from a wonderful breakfast with Tracey Jackson, my screenwriter. She's not exactly MY screenwriter but she is writing the screenplay to The Ivy Chronicles. We met at the W Hotel, having given up on The Coffee Shop since they are so rude there. Plus, all their waitresses are 90 pound models and I for one, feel short and fat just walking in the door. Loved the W for breakfast. The food was delish, the service was perfect, A+ for atmosphere, and our table was really large and comfortable. By chance, Tracey's husband, Glen, was eating there, too. He's a lovely man (a rare book dealer!) who bought our breakfast, which I thought was very gentlemanly of him. Glen was breakfasting with a man named Jack Feldman, one of the co-writers of the Copacabana song with Barry Manilow. He seemed to be as nice as he could be, although we didn't talk much. I've never met an actual songwriter, so this was momentous.

Tracey and I had much to catch up on - her new script (sounds so funny), update on the Ivy movie (they're looking for a director), my latest projects, our kids, our health, blah, blah, blah. The most exciting thing is that she took me shopping for a big, stylish bag after we ate. I decided it was time for me to own a grown up purse. Usually I just carry my ugly Canyon Ranch gym bag or a Harrod's bag. But this morning I realized how tacky that looked when I'm all dressed up as I was today. I'm so rarely dressed up these days that I hardly notice the tackiness of my purse, but today I did. So, Tracey, who knows everything there is to know about bags, took me to Kenneth Cole where, in three minutes, I picked out the perfect black bag at a reasonable price. I can't wait to organize all my junk into the bag. That sounds really sad and pathetic on second glance. Has my life become so dull that I'm looking forward to throwing my crap into a new purse. Yes, I guess it has.

celebrity sighting

2006-04-17T21:45:00.000-04:00

Last night, as Mark and I were on our extended Sunday night walk, who did we run into but Elvis Costello and Diana Schur. It was in Chelsea, about Sixth Avenue and 17th or so. I stood behind Elvis and peeked through his glasses (that's how close we were). He has the terrible eyesight like I do, only I wear contacts. His glasses are very thick and coke-bottle-like. He's much smaller than I imagined and he wore a ratty jacket that looked liked it came from a second-hand store. There is a second hand store on that street, as a matter of fact. I bought a leather jacket there about two weeks ago. Diana didn't look nearly as glamorous as she does on her album covers. Her hair was mousy brown and I think she had split ends. They were out with another couple and I'm guessing they were on their way to dinner. That's it for tonight in the celebrity sighting department.

blogging update

2006-04-15T21:35:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since I've blogged. I have a feeling my blogging will slow down for a while. I've been working hard on India Fudge and soon, I plan to start another book in the Ivy and Wife genre. I'm turning into the quintessential Wife in the Fast Lane.

This is off the subject, but the TV is on and I have to say, if I hear Howie Mandel say, DEAL? OR NO DEAL? one more time in a promo I'm going to throw a dictionary at my TV set. VOMIT? OR NO VOMIT?

Schuyler is out on the town tonight so I'll be worried until she comes home. Sam is home and I'm worried that he doesn't go out enough. Is that a mother's lot in life? To worry about your children until they're successfully on their own? But by then, you're old and that's depressing. I don't think Mark worries about our kids the way I do. It's a genetic (or maybe hormonal) thing but that makes it no less unfair.

I saw Harry Connick, Jr. in The Pajama Game today. He was fantastic. The music was fantastic. Harry's body was fantastic. I guess, all in all, I thought the show rocked. If you come to NYC, I recommend it highly. Ooops. The whole run is sold out so you won't be able to see it unless you already have tickets. I hope I didn't get you all excited and now you're let down. Sorry.

Sam wants me out of the room so I'll have to stop blogging. He's at that age where he prefers to not have me around. I miss the Sam who used to follow me around like a puppy. I should just get a puppy.

I'm writing again

2006-04-02T16:33:00.000-04:00

I've started writing again. That feels very good to say. I've been promoting The Ivy Chronicles for months. You wouldn't think it would be that much work, but it is. Nothing happens unless you think up an idea to get the word out on the book, then take care of all the arrangements to make that happen, then go do whatever it is you agreed to do - usually a speech or a TV or radio interview. It takes so much time. But the sales are going well, so I guess it is worth the effort. Meanwhile, with the promotions winding down, I FINALLY got back to writing India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel. I'm making a lot of changes to it, and right now, it feels like the story will never come together. But I remember feeling that way with Ivy and Wife in the Fast Lane. There is always a point in the writing process where you feel like what you've created is unfixable. But that's the thing I like most about writing - it's like a puzzle. First, you have to get the plot to work. Then, the characters need to be well drawn, their motivations understandable; they need to be likeable and identifiable. For me, there have to be funny lines and those are tricky to write. India Fudge is partly a mystery, so I feel the need to make it a page turner, to end each chapter with a little cliffhanger. Then there is the pacing to consider and the quality of the writing. Every day I make progress, but right now, getting this book to work feels like a conundrum (which is the name of my favorite wine, by the way). I look at my calendar and it's quite empty. That is thrilling because it means hours and hours of doing what I love best - writing.

Post-View and Poop

2006-03-28T19:22:00.000-05:00

After my big appearance on The View, Mark and I jetted off to exciting Miami Beach for a week. It was a securities conference for Mark and I came along as "the wife." I always like being "the wife" at those things. All I have to do is tag along with Mark at the cocktail parties and smile and nod. The kids joined us on Wednesday. It was their first experience flying alone. I worried about them getting on the wrong plane all day, but nothing went wrong and they actually showed up on the right flight.

Sam is on vacation this week and he is mainly just laying around watching TV. That makes me feel kind of guilty - like I should have stayed in Florida with him for another week and provided him with a beach. Certainly all the other parents at his school took their kids on a fabulous holiday for the whole week. But I had to get back to work. He says he just wants to rest. His life is so stressful when he's at school. 7th grade? Stressful? Whatever. In 7th grade, my life could better be described as angst ridden. I suppose that's kind of stressful.

While in Florida, I got a lot of emails from friends who saw me on The View. They were all very complementary. Most people said they didn't think I looked old or fat, contrary to my own impressions. Then today, one friend called to tell me that my makeup and hair looked terrible, no, not terrible, just not like the normal cute Karen she knows - she said she would have wanted someone to tell her that were she in my place. So she suggested I look into getting a professional makeup artist and a hairdresser for my next appearance on national TV. She hoped I wasn't hurt by what she said, and I said I wasn't, but of course I was. Unless someone asks for constructive criticism, it's best not to give it. Remember that should you ever feel inclined to tell someone the ugly truth.

We had a major household disaster today. Mark and I have this rug merchant, Leon, and we can't say 'no' to him when we shop at this store. So, it's always better not to go there. Ever. Anyway, a few months ago, we forgot and went into his store just to "look" and ended up purchasing a ridiculously expensive Persian rug for our entry way, and I'm talking multi-thousands of dollars. We could have gone on vacation for the price of that rug. We could have remodeled half a kitchen for the price of that rug. I could have had my eyes done for the price of that rug. What were we thinking? But we fell under Leon's spell and bought the damn thing. Anyway, when I woke up this morning, Smokey, our cat had had diarehea all over the rug - big time. I tried to scoop it up with my spatula (which I will never be able to cook with again), but all I did was smear the poop into a bigger stain. I've been trying to clean the rug all day - Woolite is hopeless - special Cat Poop Stain remover from Petco doesn't do a thing. It's like Smokey swallowed a bottle of permanent brown dye and pooped it out. I think the Universe is trying to tell me that I never should have bought that darn rug. This, I already knew, but as I said, it's impossible to say 'no' to Leon. As God as my witness, I will never shop at Leon's rug store again.

My View Appearance

2006-03-15T18:24:00.000-05:00

Here's the email I sent to all my friends about my View appearance. They ended up taping it on Monday, which was nice because I didn't have to stress about it all week. I wanted to let all my friends know so they'd watch and tell their friends to watch. I'm not sure why I want people to watch because I may have totally embarassed myself. But people will be mad if they find out I did The View and didn't tell them. Anyhow, here goes...

I just wanted to let you know that I'm about to have my 15 minutes of fame. Actually it's 6 minutes. On Friday, March 17, I'm going to be on The View...as in Star Jones, Meredith Vieira, Joy Behar, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck - to promote The Ivy Chronicles, just out in paperback! We've already taped the show, so it's in the can as they say in the biz. It'll run barring any unforeseen interruptions (i.e. being preempted by a St. Patty's Day parade - I, for one, think we've had enough Irish parades for one lifetime! And I can say this because my last name is Quinn).

Let me report that it was tres exciting to be on the show. I had my own dressing room with my name on the door (actually it was just printed on a piece of white paper that was stuck into a plexi-glass holder, but still). Julia Louis Dreyfus was on with me and her name was in the same plexi-glass holder on her door. I like that about The View - they don't play favorites. Heloise was on, too. But she didn't get her name on her door. I'm guessing it's because she's not the real Heloise, she's the daughter of the real Heloise. My dressing room was kind of bare. But there was a bowl of fruit. I took a bite out of an apple, and then stopped because I was worried I'd break my front tooth right before going on national TV. Seriously, that's exactly what crossed my mind and stopped me from finishing the apple. I think I may need psychological help.

They called me in for a touch up. A girl made me up while gabbing to her friend about what they were going to do over the weekend. I didn't catch her name. But I sat next to Joy who was getting her hair done. She's very friendly. Not to me but to everyone surrounding her. I know she would have been nice to me if all those interlopers weren't vying for her attention. Brownnosers!

Julia Louis Dreyfus looked adorable in this cute navy blue dress - Diane Von Furstenburg, I think. She made me wish I'd worn an adorable dress too, but I don't own one. Maybe I'll go to Saks and buy one after this. But for what? I've already done The View. Maybe if The Today Show books me, I'll splurge on a dress as cute as Julia's. Then I would have to wear pantyhose, which I don't own either. I suppose I could spring for a pair of those, too. Anyway, Julia wore these killer marigold stiletto high heels. How do women walk in those things? They did look great on her. I'd like to report that the two of us gabbed like long lost sorority sisters before the show, but I didn't talk to her. She was hanging out with the Pretender Heloise. They kind of formed a clique and I couldn't break in.

Soon it was time for the show, so we went into the green room. That's where everyone waits their turn. People always say that the green room isn't really green, but this one actually was. Well, it was green-ish. I watched the show on a moniter, got wired for sound, and said "no" to the pastries that were offered (Are you kidding? I could just imagine a piece of white sugar glaze on my cheek during the interview). I was too nervous to eat anyway; nervous in the way you are right before they take you into the operating room. And I'm talking about an operation where you can live or die. Of course, I tried to act cool - I didn't want Julia or Pretender Heloise to know that this wasn't an everyday thing for me.

I was on the second segment so they took me on stage at the first break. They had me sit at that counter-like desk and there was a HUGE studio audience and blinding bright lights shining in my face. Don't look at the audience, I thought. They put me right in the middle between Joy and Star. There was a frantic moment when they realized I was too short for the desk and I needed a pillow, but one was found and soon I looked as tall as Joy.

Sadly, Barbara wasn't there. I really wanted to see her. We went on a cruise of northern Europe with her a few years ago (she was on the same ship we were on - that's as close as we got). There was an evening where she did a Q&A in the main ballroom. I asked her a question and was thrilled to have Barbara talking to me, even across a crowded ballroom. So, to meet her in person would have been a dream come true. Actually, that's not true. Meeting Barbara Walters has never been a dream of mine. But it still would have been cool to meet her.

We were back from commercial and it was time for my segment. Before I knew it, the women were shooting questions at me and I was answering. I got to tell some of my crazy admissions stories about how cutthroat the world of preschool admissions could be and the audience laughed and gasped in shock (which surprised me because this was a NYC audience and this should have been old news to them - perhaps they were tourists). Anyway, mid-segment I realized that this was a case of life imitating art. There is a scene in The Ivy Chronicles where an admissions director is murdered by an enraged father whose son is rejected, so Ivy goes on The View to talk about how competitive school admissions can be.

Excerpt from The Ivy Chronicles:
"I was exhausted after doing The View. I had to walk that thin line of entertaining the audience with wacky admissions stories without alienating viewers who might become clients. It was a challenge.

At Myoki, executives got two weeks of media training before they were allowed to talk to the press. I'd never been high enough on the food chain to get trained. Still I held my own, I thought. I had Star and Meredith in stitches."

Do do do do, Do do do do (sing this to the tune of The Twilight Zone). Isn't it spooky cool that the scene I wrote for The Ivy Chronicles was played out in real life?

I'd like to tell you that I did well, but I honestly don't remember. I do recall the laughter and gasps, as mentioned above. I also remember all of the women being extremely nice to me, friendly and supportive, as you would expect the women of The View to be. But otherwise, it's all a blur (very much like your own wedding). So I'll have to wait until Friday to find out if I did okay. I can already predict that I'll think my voice is too high and I'll wish I'd had a facelift before my big close up, but I think that every time I see myself on TV.

Anyway, I hope you'll watch the segment on Friday. If you have to work, I suggest you just call in sick (or TIVO it if you know how to work your TIVO - personally, I don't know how to work ours). And please pass this on to any and all of your friends who haven't read the book but who you believe should (and that would be all of your friends, of course). Maybe they'll tune in, too.

xxoo Karen

P.S. As I was leaving, Heloise told me I did a good job, which made me very sorry that I ever doubted her. As far as I'm concerned, she's the real thing.

The View and Johnny Cash

2006-03-06T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm totally psyched because I just found out that I get to be on The View March 17. They're taping it on March 16. What to wear? Must get hair done! Nails, too. Is there time for a face lift? Probably not. A mini-face lift? No, don't think so. One of those threaded face lifts? Give it up. Liposuction? I doubt it. Oh why didn't I lose those twenty pounds when I meant to last fall? I had all the right intentions, but got sidetracked. Will have to wear something slimming for TV. Is there such a thing as a full body girdle? Still, despite my concerns about how I'll look, I'm very excited. It's one of my favorite daytime shows. I love those girls.

Conversation between me and Sam last night.

Sam: So, who won best actress.
Me: Reese Witherspoon
Sam: For what movie?
Me: Walk the Line.
Sam: What's that about?
Me: Johnny Cash
Sam: Never heard of him. Who's he?
Me: He's a famous, uh...
Sam: Killer?
Me: No
Sam: Robber?
Me: No
Sam: Arsonist
Me: No, a singer.
Sam: Sounds boring.

The kid still makes me laugh.

Schuyler is back

2006-03-04T11:21:00.000-05:00

Schuyler has returned from St. Barts. I know this because 1) we've lost another cell phone, 2) her room is now a disaster (it's amazing how clean a kid's room can be when they're not there to mess it up), and 3) we've already had an "incident" - this one involving a burning candle, room full of smoke, and smoke alarm that could not be shut off. I have already lectured her on her report card and threatened to send her to boarding school if her grades don't improve. And, after seeing the report on 20/20 last night about the girl who had a baby, hid it from her family and friend, killed it and buried in the swamps near her home, I'm composing my lecture to Schuyler on "you can always tell me anything, because no matter what I'll be on your side)." Will she believe it after my threat to send her to boarding school unless the grades got better? Maybe not. In spite of all this, I'm incredibly happy to have her back. She's such a doll. I look at her and think she is so beautiful and so sweet, and it's not her fault that she's fourteen and her body is raging with hormones and she hasn't developed the maturity I know she'll someday have. She manages to call me everyday from school even though it's against the rules. And I love hearing her sweet little girl voice. Schuyler has her own unique style and such a big heart. So, despite the fact that she makes me crazy, I'm grateful to have my baby home again.

Interview marred by boiling water fiasco

2006-02-26T11:20:00.000-05:00

Remind me never to agree to do anything before noon on a Sunday. I don't know what I was thinking, agreeing to a 7:30 a.m. radio interview. After a few glasses of wine, I went to sleep about 1 a.m., then set the alarm for 7. Mark has fallen asleep on the couch after going to Smoke for jazz so I woke him as I made my coffee. I'm a Melita devotee, so I was making my individual cup, pouring the boiling water into the cone on top of the mug. The cone slipped and boiling water and coffee grains spilled all over me, the counter top, the floor, the rug, into the drawers - everywhere. As I'm screaming, the phone rings and it's the radio station calling to see if I'm ready for the interview. I ran to the office, covered in coffee, got on the phone and waited for for my moment. At this point, I'm scrambling to review my notes, which I had planned to do over a quiet cup of coffee (the one I spilled). Mark cleaned up my mess, then stuck his head in the door, and asked me if I still took my coffee with half milk and two sweet and lows. Whoa! He noticed how I take my coffee? We have been together 27 years, but still, I didn't think he knew how I took my coffee. He's never made it for me or anything. So, for the first time in our married life, Mark made me a cup of coffee and brought it to me. Very sweet indeed. Before I knew it, the interviewer was talking to me. It was weird because he asked me one question, then didn't say anything else. It was like one of those stress job interviews you always hear about (but never actually have) where the guy doesn't say a word and you have to do all the talking. At one point I said to him, are you still there? He said he was. But I rambled on like an idiot because he didn't ask me anything. What was I supposed to do? Eventually he started asking me questions. I think he must have been multi-tasking at the beginning of the interview and then he forgot I was on line. Anyway, next time I'll be way more prepared. And hopefully I won't have just scalded myself with boiling water right before going on. As Mark would say, not a good story.

Goodbye Sam

2006-02-25T14:03:00.000-05:00

We just learned that our friend, Sam (Samantha) Rabin, died. Her daughter, Chopin, called to tell me. I was so shocked because Sam was only 54 years old. Sam was one of the most vital, animated women I knew. She was taking drugs for a few different maladies she had and they interacted badly, causing cardiac arrest. She died in her sleep, completely unexpectedly. That's how we all say we want to die, but not at 54! I feel so terrible about it. The thing that made her so special was her incredible enthusiasm for everything. She loved to go out and party. She laughed all the time. And she was so proud of her kids. When I think of her, she's so alive. We had invited her to our party last weekend not knowing what had happened. I'll miss her tremendously :(

Yesterday, I had lunch with the publisher of my paperback, Trina Keating, and her head of marketing, Marie Coolman. These are two lovely, accomplished women. The Ivy Chronicles is selling very well in paperback, which I'm really excited about. I'm going to do a bunch of radio interviews over the next few days, which should be cool. Tomorrow, I have to get up for a 7:30 a.m. (Sunday morning) interview. That I dread. Who is up at 7:30 on a Sunday morning? Certainly not me. But there must be a bunch of early birds out there who (hopefully) listen to the radio while they read their Sunday paper.

The book party last weekend was great. I wanted to post pictures but I couldn't download them properly. I'll get Schuyler to help me when she returns from St. Barts. There was a wonderful band playing, made up of some of the talented jazz musicians that Mark knows. Later in the evening, as people got drunker, we were treated to songs from some of the world's jazz greats including a gentleman who used to sing with Miles Davis. Our friend, Mary, made the most amazing cake for me - it was a cheese cake, and the top was made of white chocolate - it was an exact replica of my book. We preserved that part of the cake and froze it. Now, when people come over, we show it to them. I couldn't bear to eat it. You'll see it when I figure out how to post my pictures.

Home from Denver

2006-02-18T17:31:00.000-05:00

The flight back from Denver yesterday was harrowing. There were 50 mph winds, so I felt like I was riding on a roller coaster as we descended into NY. I gripped the armrest and prayed until we landed. The reason for the trip was to promote The Ivy Chronicles in Denver. All went well. I spoke at three events, went on two local morning news shows, and was written up in the paper. Of course, I stayed with mom, which was great. I like doing these local news shows. Well, "like" might be too generous a term. They are instructive. They are good practice before my Today Show appearance. I have no plans at this time to appear on the Today Show, but I'm hoping that will change soon. My very fabulous publicist is working on it. On the second appearance in Denver, I wore my new blue jacket from Saks. My brother told me I looked like I weighed 300 pounds in it. He was trying to be helpful. He also pointed out that TV made my already deep frown line look even deeper and suggested that I get some botox. He really is a good brother, I swear it.

Tomorrow, Schuyler is going on her annual St. Bart's trip with her good friend, Rachel. She goes with Rachel to St. Bart's every year. Lucky kid! Rachel's parents rent a house with a pool and it's all very glamorous. We'll be staying in New York to enjoy the frigid temperatures. Meanwhile, we're having a big soiree tomorrow night. There will be a band, food, cocktails. We invited everyone we knew and a few people we don't know but would like to know. Our acceptances were higher than usual and I'm just hoping there's enough food and room in the house for 75 people. It should be fun. We do a big party like that every year. Why? Tradition!

The man from Sri Lanka

2006-02-11T18:03:00.000-05:00

Mark and I just went to Crate and Barrel to buy some shelves for our kids' bathroom. The box for the shelves was well over six feet tall, but thin. I lobbied for having it delivered. My general rule of thumb is never to try to carry anything bigger than my husband home without professional help. Mark thought we could squeeze it into a cab. Even though it was snowing, we managed to hail a taxi. No matter how we positioned it, however, we couldn't get the box to fit inside. We were so screwed. Mark said, "what we need is a pick up truck." Yeah! Right! A pick up truck in Manhattan. Just as he said it, along came a pick up truck hauling one of those food carts, the kind that sells pretzels or falafels. Mark hailed the guy and asked him if he'd mind giving us and our box a ride to where we lived. The man said, sure, why not? Mark and the guy managed to stuff the box into the bed of the truck. Since Mark was going uptown and we live downtown, he expected me to get in this truck and let this stranger take me and the box home. I told him that under no circumstances would I get into a truck with a stranger. Just because he has a food cart doesn't mean he's not dangerous. Mark reluctantly said he'd ride with me. Sadly, my husband is not from the old school when it comes to being a gentleman. It turned out that my fears were unfounded and the guy was very nice. He was from Sri Lanka. I asked him if he knew Khanti, a former babysitter we had, who was also from Sri Lanka. But he didn't. It's a big country. It turns out, he makes wonderful vegetarian food which he sells from his cart at Washington Square Park (near 4th Street). People come from all over to eat from his cart. We plan to go there ourselves. You should too, because he's so nice and he makes everything from scratch. When we arrived at our house, he helped us out with the box and refused to take any money for driving us. Isn't that something? Never let it be said that there aren't good samaritans in New York City. I felt bad for thinking for even a minute that he could be an ax murderer. But, of course, you can't be too careful. I've watched enough episodes of Law and Order to know that girls who go off with strangers usually wind up regretting it.

Restaurant scandals

2006-02-11T12:22:00.000-05:00

I meant to post my holiday letter on my blog, but I didn't have a chance. So I wanted to attach the holiday photo of the kids I sent people. This was taken in Boulder last December. Sam and Schuyler visiting my alma mater - the University of Colorado.

Mark and I went for Mexican food last weekend. Sam wasn't with us so we were able to try a new restaurant. Sam insists on only going to restaurants he's been to in the past. That leaves us with Angelos and Maxis (which Mark won't go to - too expensive and they serve meat), and Patsy's (which I don't like - no meat dishes). So, when Sam's not with us, we can try a new restaurant. We went to Rosa Mexicana's which is the new place that took over America (18th between 5th and Broadway). They put a fortune into renovating the place - it's quite beautiful now. Anyway, as soon as we sat down, we could see this was no ordinary Mexican restaurant. We would not get out of there for less than $100. Okay, fine. If the food is great, why not? Of course, we had to order the signature guacamole which they make at your table - customized to your taste. Medium spice. No onions - Mark hates them, although I like them. Oh well. It's tough for my family to go out to eat together. We all have such different tastes in food. They prepared the special guac for us - very dramatically, I might add. And then, they served us the chips. I was scandalized - the chips came right out of a bag. A BAG! At a restaurant that charges $100+ for their meals. From that moment on, I couldn't enjoy anything I ate. It would be like a fancy Italian restaurant serving Chef Boy Ardee spagetti from a can. It was a scandal I tell you. Anyway, the meal cost $120 and I'll NEVER go back there again. The next night I insisted we try a different Mexican place. An old one that's been around forever. I had memories of really enjoying their chips a few years ago, even ordering seconds. Well guess what? Not tonight, sister. They served chips right out of a bag. What is happening? I may never have Mexican food in this town again.

Meanwhile, I had breakfast with Tracey Jackson yesterday. She is writing the screenplay for The Ivy Chronicles and she wanted to give me the latest draft. I really do like her. We met at the Coffeeshop, which is a local place that we always go to. I like it because it's cheap and the food is really good. The only problem is that every woman who works there is a 6' tall model with attitude. There were two of us and we really wanted to talk privately (plus I was carrying several bags). We asked if we could have a booth. The tall waitress with the mohawk and multiple piercings told us no, she had to save those for bigger parties. Tracey challenged her: 1) There were 4 open booths, 2) it was 9:30 and surely they weren't getting a lot more big parties for breaksfast, 3) there were two other booths where only two people were eating. No, she bitchily refused to give us a booth and stuck us at a tiny table for two, where my packages were tripping everyone who walked by. Tracey was pissed, as was I. I mentioned that I noticed the owner sitting across the room. Maybe I should go talk to him and see if I could pull strings for a booth. Really, I was just showing off that I knew the owner. I didn't mean that I would actually do that. Tracey said, yea! do it! do it! Oy vey! NOT what I feel comfortable doing. But I didn't want to look like a woos in front of my new friend and screenwriter. So I walked over to Eric and asked for a booth (interrupting his conversation and feeling very rude). He looked around and didn't seem to want to give us a booth either (I guess the no booth for two policy comes down from him). He ended up giving us a booth for two (not much bigger than our previous stamp sized table). In the end, I felt silly trying to pull strings at the Coffeeshop and not even getting us a great table. If I'd been someone more important, I'm sure we would have gotten a better table. I just hate that a restaurant can make me feel so insecure. We've decided to find a new place for breakfast, maybe the W Hotel. We may have to pay more, but we'll be treated nicely.

I"m not having good restaurant Karma this week.

my local TV debut

2006-02-09T21:32:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a bit of PR for the paperback of Ivy Chronicles. Yesterday, I was interviewed by Cindy Tsu from CBS news at noon. It was very cool because I got to see the news being shot from right inside the newsroom. I felt like a kid on a field trip. Boy, those newscasters are professional. They're reading from teleprompters, but still. They don't trip over words, say "um," or "absolutely" too many times, which is what yours truly did. Everyone told me I looked good, but believe me, I looked like I needed a face lift. You probably think I'm obsessed over face lifts and, yes, I am. That's what turning fifty does to you.

I'm Still Here

2006-02-03T21:48:00.000-05:00

Lest you think I fell off the face of the earth, let me assure you, I am still here. These last few weeks have been a nonstop schlep-o-rama. Getting ready for the holidays. Experiencing the holidays. Recovering from the holidays. Then Mark and I went to Grand Cayman. No complaints about that. Then I attended a Publicity Summit where I learned how to pitch the media (hint: fast and to the point). I'm hoping it will lead to some press about The Ivy Chronicles which has just been released in paperback here in the U.S. On my return, Wife in the Fast Lane was waiting for me for one final edit, which I did. I feel like I'm the living embodiment of a wife in the fast lane. Tonight I had a break - Schuyler is at a teen club. Sam is in his room as usual (doing God knows what). Mark has gone to a track meet. Dateline NBC is running one of those specials on predetors who prey on small children via the internet and I just can't bear to watch it. I think I'll go pour myself a glass of Conundrum. Ahhhhhhhh!

By the way, I realized this week that I really am getting old. It used to be I'd visit my friends to see their first babies. Now I'm visiting my friends to see their first facelifts. That's what I did this week. The first of my friends took the plunge. Even with the swelling, she looks amazing. Plus, she lost weight as she recovered from the surgery so she looks doubly amazing. I definitely want to get one of those as soon as I can afford it. Sadly, that should be a while. She said it cost $25,000 all in. Gulp. I wonder how Sam would feel about going to public school next year?

My Big Fat Birthday

2005-12-11T15:02:00.000-05:00

It's my 50th birthday today so I ate chopped liver for breakfast. I've always believed you can do whatever you want on your big day. Schuyler gave me a giant Hershey kiss this morning when I woke up, and she made chocolate covered strawberries (which I ate with my chopped liver). Right now she's baking me a cake. Mark told me I looked more beautiful at 50 than I ever have before. While I assure you that's not true, I totally appreciate the sentiment. Sam pretended he didn't remember my birthday. It's the kind of joke that 13-year-old boys find hilarious. What can I say? Later, we're getting a Christmas tree, decorating it, and then we'll go out to dinner. As the birthday girl, I get to pick the place, so I'm choosing the Knickerbocker. If you read my book, you know that a pivotal scene takes place there.

The coolest thing happened this week. On Thursday, I put an e-mail out to about 40 of my friends asking if people could connect me with people they knew around the country who had experienced school admissions in other cities. I'm doing research on that topic and need to talk to people who can help me understand how competitive the process is in other places. A friend in NYC forwarded my e-mail to someone in California. That person forwarded the e-mail to someone else in California, a man named Richard. Richard e-mailed back and invited me to call him - he has 3 kids who are in private school in L.A. I called him and as we talked, he told me that (just by chance) he is the agent who represents Tracey Jackson, the screenwriter who is adapting The Ivy Chronicles. I was so thrilled because I've been dying to talk to her. I'm totally curious to find out how she is doing on the screenplay, what scenes made it, what scenes have been cut, etc. People ask me about the movie all the time and I never know what to say. Anyhow, I asked Richard to forward an e-mail from me to Tracey where I told her how much I'd love to talk to her and invited her to call me anytime. The next morning, I received an e-mail from Tracey. It turns out, she lives in NYC and has a child at Friends, where my son goes. She invited me to meet her for coffee which I eagerly accepted. Then she mentioned that she was taking a snowday on Friday because she needed a break from work. So I invited her to join me and my friends at our spa day at Avon spa. We were indulging ourselves in celebration of my birthday (any excuse will do). So Tracey came. I was so excited to meet her. We're still getting together on Monday because we tried really hard not to talk business on Friday. But I could see that she understood where I was coming from in the book, and she shares my attitude completely. Meeting her was such an unexpected surprise and I'm totally looking forward to getting to know her better.

Last night, our friends Johnny, Kathy, Don, and Judy joined me and Mark for dinner at a really warm and cozy Italian restaurant down the street (Ecco). More birthday madness. It was great to celebrate with these friends, who I love dearly. All in all, it has been a lovely birthday. I told Mark that I'm going to pretend I've just turned 40 and start counting again from there. Hey, it's my birthday and I can lie if I want to.

Radio-active fingernails

2005-12-04T15:27:00.000-05:00

If you read my blogs regularly, you know that I recently purchased these customized vitamins that came in capsules that made me choke. I tried to take them by emptying the powder into tea, but it tasted disgusting. The tea turned this strange radioactive color. In my continuing attempt to try to take these vitamins, I went to the health food store and bought smaller gel caps. Last night, I emptied the powder on to paper and refilled the smaller capsules. It was time consuming to say the least. After several hours, I only got five days worth of pills done. It appears that I'll have to take thirty capsules a day to get my daily dose. I'm not sure I can do this. Can all those gelatin capsules be good for me? I'll have to consult with a nutritionist. The powder was bright yellow, and now, my expensive french manicure has turned glowing yellow. If you saw me, you'd think I had liver disease. If I do continue along this path, refilling capsules will just have to become my new hobby. It is kind of relaxing. Instead of knitting or painting, I'll fill capsules. I thought I'd take these for a week and see if I feel better. I'll only keep this time-consuming capsule-refilling up if it has a marked improvement on my health. I think that's fair. Meanwhile, I need to go out and buy some dark nail polish to cover up my radio-active nails.

Andrew Milner, 1955-2005

2005-12-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

Mark got up at 5:45 a.m. this morning to fly to Denver for our friend, Andrew Milner's, memorial service. Andy was one of Mark's oldest and dearest friends. I don't think I've ever seen him up at such a God Awful hour unless he'd stayed out all night. I don't even wake him up until 9 for work. Andrew would have been truly touched to find out that Mark was willing to get up at the crack of dawn to bid him "goodbye." There aren't many people he would do that for. Andy died of Pick's disease. He was only 50. That's a disease where your brain slowly rots away. Doctors suspect you get it from eating cow brains and other exotic entrails. The last time we saw Andy, he didn't really know who we were.

Andy moved to Manhattan right after Mark and I did, twenty years ago. He lived with his boyfriend, Tom. They had the coolest apartment in the East Village and two dogs, Cosmo and Rex. Cosmo used to go nuts whenever he saw one of those 24 ounce bottles of Sprite. He'd jump up and down like a mad dog and you'd either have to sedate him or put the bottle back in the fridge. Their apartment was beautifully decorated with lots of real, important art. Andrew and Tom were the ultimate NY sophisticates, true bon vivants. Tom managed the Broadway show, Cats. He got tickets to every Broadway opening and we all used to go together in a stretch limo - first to the premier, then to the amazing party that always took place after. Andrew was in the movie business so he was always jetting off to Cannes and other exotic places for film festivals. Another friend, Charles, used to accompany Andy to Cannes. He told us that everyone who was anyone knew Andy and sought him out, from Steven Spielberg to Clint Eastwood. Tom and Andy were the most exciting friends we had. Being with them felt like living in the New York City of the black and white movies. We were definitely not in Colorado anymore.

One of my favorite memories of Andy and Tom was Thanksgiving 1988 when we went to their house for dinner. I brought along my best high school friend, Larry Schechter, also gay, so everyone got along brilliantly. Sadly, Larry died a few years later in a small plane accident in Alaska (lesson: don't ever take a side trip on a cruise that involves a small plane). But that night, Tom made the most magnificent traditional dinner. We ate it in front of a roaring fire, drinking fabulous wines. The piece de resistence (I have no idea how to spell that) was the home made pumpkin soup he served from a pumpkin tureen that he made himself. Tom was a true gourmand. I threw up later that night, but it was worth it.

Eventually Tom and Andy broke up and moved away. There was knock-down drag-out fight over a piece of art that Andy bought. Tom claimed it was evil. New York City was never the same for us after that. The glitter-life was gone. We still loved the city, but became more domestic in our pursuits. No more limos or opening night parties. When we saw Andy last time, he would get glimmers of recognition of us. He kept saying, "didn't we used to have so much fun together in that...that place?" He could barely remember our time together here, much less the name of the city where we had fun. I am so bummed to think he's not here on earth anymore. I hope Larry was there to help him cross over to the other side.

My Super Sweet 16

2005-11-26T12:51:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention that Schuyler lost another cell phone last week. That's three cellphones either lost or destroyed in six weeks. I cannot keep up with this child. Between the three phones and her last cellphone bill (2,500 minutes to my 90 minutes and Sam's 100), she's paying off her debts until summer. Her favorite show is on MTV - My Super Sweet 16. This is where really rich kids have a whole show devoted to the planning and execution of their over-the-top, grossly excessive Sweet 16 Party. These are teens where money is no object - they get anything they want. Who are these children and what kind of parents do they have??? Hello-ow! Values anyone? I'm watching one with her now where a girl from Staten Island is making her guest list. She's decided not to invite any ugly people. Ooookay. With values like that, I'm surprised she doesn't invite all ugly people so she'll look better by comparison. We watched one earlier featuring a boy who went to Schuyler's camp (yes, that's right, a BOY having a Sweet 16 party). Schuyler actually went to this party. He is delivered to the club where the party is being held in a limo, then he walks up a red carpet where six hundred of his friends await. Of course there's a celeb DJ. And they hold a fashion show where all his friends model clothes he designed (at least I think he designed them, otherwise I don't get it). Poor kid was so nervous about appearing on the runway after the show that he threw up (we hear the retching and are spared the visuals). For his birthday gift, the boy gets a black porsche from mom and dad. In the show we watched earlier today, the girl got a red Mercedes convertible. Anyway, I mention this show because it has set up the most unrealistic expectations in Schuyler's mind for her own Sweet 16 Party. She wants to have 300 kids for a party at the Pierre. Even that means culling her list. I guess she hasn't noticed yet that she doesn't come from a rich family. I keep telling her to lower her sights a bit. How about 15 friends at the local Pizza Hut? We're pretty far apart on negotiations.

Schuyler and I are going Christmas shopping for her today. This is pretty much my most unfavorite thing to do in the world. She wants as many presents as possible within the budget I give her (as opposed to one big present we can knock off in one place). So, we go into store after store on Broadway where she'll buy items for $10, $20, $25. Lower Broadway has all the very chic, cheap stores so this is where we shop. The stores are geared to kids so they play loud, blaring music accompanied by intense drum beating, floors that change colors, light shows. UGH! Totally headache and nausea producing. I can't believe this is the shopping experience that kids want, but apparently they do. My job is to follow behind Schuyler and be the human wallet.

On another topic, I saw some great theater this weekend - The Jersey Boys. It's a new Broadway Show about the life of Freddy Valli and the Four Seasons. If you have a chance to go see it, GO. It's fantastic. I'm going to see The Odd Couple tonight. My brother, Don, was planning to stay an extra day to see it, but decided to go back to Dallas so he gave me his tickets. This stars Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane who were so great together in The Producers. My friend, Brooke, is coming with me. She's one of the front page reporters for People Magazine. Not only is she a very fun person to hang with, but she can tell you the latest on Brad, Jen, Angelina, Brittany, et al.

See you soon. Schuyler's agitating to go shopping now.

Happy Turkey Day

2005-11-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

Happy thanksgiving! It is Thanksgiving and my whole family is here from Colorado and Texas. Haven't seen my younger brother and his girlfriend yet, but they'll be coming soon. We're going to my cousin's house in Purchase. Normally, I host the dinner at our house. In spite of not having to cook this year, I went ahead and prepared the entire traditional feast. We'll have a second Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night. My mother and I cook this meal together every year and I love doing it with her. Normally I'm not much of a cook, but I make a delicious Thanksgiving meal (with mom's guidance, of course). How could I give up the tradition of cooking with mom? I couldn't! I also wanted leftovers this weekend, plus, my house must smell like Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day. It must! And now it does. All this led to my cooking the redundant meal and my whole family thinks I'm nuts, but whatever.

We have to drive nine people up to Purchase so Mark rented a giant van that he's planning to drive. I hope he can handle such a big car. We don't own a car because you really don't need one in Manhattan.

Once we owned a car. I was in Florida on a business trip, on my way to the airport to return home. In my rental car, I drove past a beautiful 1963 red Cadillac Ed Dorado on the side of the road that was for sale. The woman who worked for me, Alex, suggested we stop and take a look. It was just so fabu looking. Anyway, the owner took it for a test drive with us in the car (neither of our feet could reach the pedals). I hear this voice from the backseat saying, "Karen, if you don't buy this car, I will." So, of course, I bought it. Alex and I went to the bank and got $4,000 on our credit cards and paid cash for the damn thing. We checked back into a hotel that night, intending to drive from Ft. Lauderdale to NYC the next day. Then we realized that all we had to wear was business clothes. So we went to the mall andbought sexy little shoulderless outfits to wear on the drive to NY. The car was a convertible, so we had to look really cute on the road. And we did. Lots of truckers honked at us once we got on the road. After stealing about six pillows from the hotel (three to put under us and three to put behind us so we could reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel), Alex and I had this amazing three day journey up the cost from Florida. The car broke down right outside of NY, the first of many breakdowns to come, and we spent about three hours at a gas station getting it fixed. Then we drove it into Manhattan where I surprised Mark with it - gave it to him for his birthday. He couldn't believe it (in a bad way, not in a good way). My advice is never to give someone a car for a birthday present unless it's exchangeable. It turned out that NY State taxes cars by the pound, and this particular El Dorado was the largest (i.e. heaviest) car ever made. It was so big that we had to pay for two spaces in the $300/mo. garage we parked it in. And then it broke down constantly, and I mean every single week something went wrong. We finally sold it to a couple in the Hamptons and it broke down as they drove away from our rental house with their new purchase. Big relief! Their problem, not ours. After that, Mark and I never bought another car here. I've even forgotten how to drive. Don't know why I got into that story other than to explain why we had to rent a van to get up to my cousin's house.

Hope you have a wonderful holiday.

If you can open the link below, it's pretty funny (and Thanksgiving related).

http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&so

vitamin crisis

2005-11-21T09:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, I spent a fortune on these customized vitamins after getting my bloodwork back and discovering I was low in just about every important measurement. The only places I was high was in the bad cholesterol number (naturally). The reason I never took vitamins before was because I always choked on them. They're so damn big. But the dietician said that the custom vitamins are smaller, so I could probably swallow those. And they are smaller than your typical vitamins which only seem to come in two sizes - suppository and horse pill. But they're still bigger than any pill I take right now. Here's how the custom vitamin program works. They take your blood and a nutritionist looks at all your numbers. She talks to you, asks lots of questions, and then prescribes all the vitamin A, B, C, fish oil, minerals, etc. that you need. The custom vitamin place mixes up a special vitamin to your specifications then sends you a three month supply in capsules. In my case, I lack so many vitamins that I have to take 12 pills a day to get my daily recommended dose. Yesterday, I managed to take six capsules and only choked on one. Today, I took three and choked on two. Luckily I can send these back if they don't work for me. But I really think I should be taking vitamins. So, I took my next three today by spilling them into a cup of tea. It turned the tea an odd bright orange color that is reminiscent of radioactivity. Right now, I'm drinking the tea while holding my nose because it tastes so bitter. My tongue gets numb each time I swallow. That can't be good. I'm thinking of getting some fresh fruit later and trying to down the rest of the capsules in a smoothie. Wish me luck.

Our hot water has been broken since Thursday. I had gone out Wednesday night to a black tie event, so my hair was all producted-out and sprayed stiff. When I woke up Thursday morning, it looked like I was wearing a sideways birdnest on my head. That's when I discovered that our water was ice cold. Unfortunately I had breakfast scheduled with a friend on the upper east side, so I went up there looking ridiculous - a baseball cap just doesn't cut it in a fancy uptown restaurant, not that a sideways birdsnest is acceptable, but at least it's hair. Meanwhile, the hot water has been working on and off throughout the weekend (mostly off). Schuyler never managed to take a shower and when she woke up this morning with no hot water, she refused to go to school smelling nasty. Any excuse will do for her. I had to heat up water in big pans and make her a bath the old fashioned way. Never say I'm not a good mother.

Mark has been furious over the water situation all weekend. So this morning, when we had no hot water, I called the super up to the apartment. He came and as soon as he did, our hot water started working (I hate when that happens). Anyway, Mark was as nice and calm as he could be over the situation while Patrick was here. This really pissed me off because that meant I had to be the bad-cop hysterical one to show we were seriously upset. The minute Patrick left, Mark was all angry again in my presence. It would have been nice if he'd expressed his frustration when Patrick was here.
Gag! I just took another sip of that rancid, radioactive tea. Ycccc!!!

The family begins to arrive tomorrow for Thanksgiving. I love having everyone here. We're all going to see Jersey Boys on Broadway Wednesday night. On Thursday, we're going up to Westchester to my cousin's for dinner. Usually I host the dinner but my cousin really wanted to this year. That's fine. I'm still going to cook turkey, dressing and my famous sweet potato pudding with marshmallows so we'll have Thanksgiving all weekend at home.

Okay, that's it for now. I'm totally stalling. I'm trying to finish Wife in the Fast Lane today so I can get it to the copy editor. So, of course, I had to blog first in order to put off the task. I'm very much looking forward to watching Medium tonight in 3-D tonight. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Treasure Island - Overrated and Oversold

2005-11-17T10:22:00.000-05:00

Sam did his homework the other night on my computer so he left his book report on the screen. It was a review of Treasure Island, by Robert Luis Stevenson, entitled "Treasure Island - Overrated and Oversold." Here are some quotes from his report...

"It is vastly overrated and very hard to understand. The plots are confusing, characters ramble, and it is way too descriptive. There are about 10,000 captions in the book which make it very hard to understand."

"The plot of Treasure Island is confusing and boring. It begins with Captain Bill dying...They then arrive at the only exciting part of the book, the mutiny...(Sam describes the mutiny)...I won't give away what happens but it is surprising and boring."

"There were many points in this book when I had no idea what was going on. It seemed like half the book was useless dialog, and other 40% was description. In the beginning, Jim and his mother were searching for the treasure chest and next they were planning the voyage. Twenty pages separated those two events, 19 of which were useless description and dialogue."

The language was not terribly hard to understand but it could use some improvement...I was very annoyed with the phrase 'Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum.'"

"Treasure Island was too long, too descriptive, and had too many unimportant events. If this book had been condensed to 175 pages instead of 300, with less dialog and description, I would have enjoyed it a lot more. One example of this is the voyage. It starts on page 81 and ends on page 110. That could have been condensed to ten pages. This book has the potential for a great book, but Robert Luis Stevenson just didn't write this book as good as he could have."

I laughed so hard reading his review. One of the greatest books of all time panned by my son. It reminded me that you can't take your reviews too seriously. It's all through the eyes of the reviewer who may not be your ideal reader. Sam should have enjoyed this book, but I guess it was just too literary for him. Oddly enough, he loves the Harry Potter books, which are full of description and endless dialog. He read my India Fudge book and his comment was, "Mom, you say in 50 words what JK Rowling says in 100. You really need to stretch it out more. You just can't win.

Celebrating wth the Small-Podds

2005-11-12T17:43:00.001-05:00

Today is our friend, Chris Podd's 50th birthday. He and his wife, Ann Marie Small, live in New Jersey. She called to say that, more than anything in the world, Chris wanted to have dinner at a fine restaurant with us in Manhattan to celebrate this milestone. I think he must have said this because Mark and I are such a fun couple. That's the only thing I can think of. Ever since the Small-Podds moved to New Jersey, we never see them. They used to be big party buddies when none of us had kids. We spent many a night at Fat Tuesdays enjoying jazz together. Now, we never go to Fat Tuesdays. It's partly because Fat Tuesdays is now a pilate studio. It's also because I don't go out for jazz anymore except in extreme circumstances. I did go to Smoke for Mark's 50th birthday. I'd love to go see jazz more often but Mark never leaves until midnight because that's when the jazz "scene" really gets started. I just can't stay up that late anymore.

Anyway, back to the Small-Podds, I feel this huge pressure to be an entertaining conversationalist tonight. I hope I can rise to the occasion and make witty reparte. We'll be going to Daniel, which is a very hoity toity restaurant in the city. You would only go there for an important birthday or if someone else was paying. You'd also go if you were very rich, but that is not a reason we'd go there (since we're not rich). My friend, Vicki, who is very, very, very rich, goes there all the time. She advised me to order the lobster appetizer, short ribs (which she claims are second to none in the world), and molten chocolate cake. She also advised me to dress up, wear heels and jewelry because Saturday night is dressy at Daniel.

Anyway, back to the Small-Podds, if you read my book, you know there's a character named Saul Small-Podd in it. He was named for the Chris and Ann Marie. My editor told me the name sounded too cartoonish but I told her that the Small-Podds actually existed so she let me leave it in.

We had Schuyler's parent-teacher conference yesterday. Let's just say there is vast room for improvement. Mark told her if she makes straight A's, he'll get her a puppy. He made the deal because he believes she could never do it. I hope she proves him wrong. If she makes anything less than straight B's, she'll no longer be allowed to go out on weekends. That wouldn't be so bad from my point of view. At least I'd know where she was.

Tomorrow, Sam wants me to bleach his dark brown hair white white white. He also wants me to buy him Crest Whitestrips so he can whiten his teeth. I'm thinking he must have a girlfriend or why would he care about his appearance? I don't know how the Whitestrips will work over braces, but I'll get them for him anyway because he never seems to care about his personal hygene and I want to be supportive when he does.

Reviews

2005-11-09T09:29:00.000-05:00

I just got a blackberry that allows me to get e-mails and make phone calls. Why I got it, I cannot say. No one ever calls me and the e-mails just pile up. When you delete them on-line they don't get deleted on the blackberry which means you have to double-delete, a big pain. Right now, I have over 1,000 that need to be deleted and I'm afraid I'll get carpel tunnel syndrome if I even attempt it. Meanwhile, the thing vibrates at me all the time and I can't figure out why. What is it trying to tell me?

Yesterday, I received the most wonderful book from Margaret O'Hair called Star Baby (houghton mifflin books). Margaret sent it to me because she is a fan of The Ivy Chronicles and now I'm a fan of Margaret's. Seriously, if you have a little baby or know someone who does, pick this up for a holiday gift. The illustrations are delightful and the story is lyrical in that way that kids will adore having it read to them over and over. It reminds me of Chica Chica Boom Boom, that alphabet book that I used to read to my kids. Or Eric Carle's Brown Bear, Brown Bear. The story celebrates the amazing small but huge accomplishments babies achieve every day like pointing, playing peek-a-boo, scooting, crawling. If there's a baby in your life, this will be a lovely book to add to his or her library.

Meanwhile, I got the nicest e-mail from Jeni from Edinburgh...I'm sharing this one because I want to contrast it with a mean, nasty one I gotten on Amazon (the majority have been great, but the few bad ones really do sting)...Here's what she said:

"This book saved me in Abu Dhabi airport. In a Muslim country where no girls travel alone let alone are seen alone, I was left stranded in Abu Dhabi airport after my friend desserted me to grasp the only standby seat left. Our scheduled flight had been delayed for 6 hours. From hiding in the ladies loos for an hour, buying some chocolate and secretely comfort eating in the cubicle (as it was ramadam!). I built up enough courage thanks to my friend Elaine, to venture out into the madness of abu dhabi airpot. With a thousand eyes from Jeddah and India leering and peering at me the stress of the whole situation got to me, like a caged pacing tiger I resorted to doing continuous laps of the duty free, with my mind numbing I came across a book shop. I spent 30 minutes ping ponging betweend shelves, then finally the 'richard and judy summer read ' sticker sprung out at me.

I bought the lovely candy pink striped coverback It gave me some assurance that I had a link with the outside world, I think becuase it reminded me of a stick of rock, I hated them and was never very grateful when my nanna would return with a stick but did love the colours and always wondered how they made stripey candy! THis book was my saviour. I hid in the European corner, there were only 6 of us, 2 couples a fetching young man et moi.

I'm not a big reader at all, but once I picked up this book I couldn't put it down.

I hid in the world of New York until the flight was called.

Thank you thank you thank you for writing this book. It's the funniest book I have ever read, I loved your turn of phrases. I have told all my friends that they must read it too and have bought 2 copies as Christmas presents.

Please hurry up and write another. I have withdrawel symptoms and have an empty feeling now that the book is over , just like when my friends and I joined hands to watch the last episode of Sex in the City. Talking of which, is this book going to be made into a film.

From Jeni in Edinburgh, Scotland

Isn't this the nicest? It really did make my day. Lifted by Jeni's sterling review, I decided to check my Amazon reviews and came across this posting I hadn't seen yet.

Reviewer:
Erica S. (Los Angeles, CA) - See all my reviews
More "chick-lit" garbage in an industry that's already overflowing with junk. It's amazing how nonsense like this actually gets published. I'm suspecting the"author" (and I use that term lightly) had a friend in the publishing industry. How otherwise to explain a useless waste of paper?

OuchOuchOuchOuchOuch!!!

Why Erica, why? Why do you bother reading a book that you must know by the third chapter you hate? Do you have no life? Also, if you don't like something, fine, but why are you so cruel about it? I hope you're in therapy to work out your anger issues. The truth is, I worked very hard on this book and I'm proud of it. I can't tell you how many people loved it and told me it was one of the funniest thing they'd read in years. In fact, here's an e-mail I got from Jill Kargman (Wolves in Chic Clothing) after she read it:

"THANK YOU...for the BEST read of my summer! Not to be sooo Kathy Bates-ish but I am so your #1 fan! I LITERALLY was peeing in my pants reading Ivy and my mom is now obsessed as well. We both will worship it to everyone we know. It will DEFINITELY be a HUGE bestseller, CONGRATS :)"

Now, if I hadn't thoroughly adored Star Baby, the book that Margaret O'Hair sent me, I just wouldn't have talked about it. I certainly wouldn't have eviscerated Margaret. In my opinion, if you don't like a book, put it down and go on to something you do enjoy. I start books all the time that I don't like. When I realize I'm not enjoying it, I put it away and move on to something else. It would never occur to me to go on-line and electronically stab the author eighteen times in some mad act of rage. It hurts to get attacked like that. Erica, how would you like it if I showed up at your office and told you what a terrible job I thought you were doing? But, instead of just saying you were doing a bad job, what if I called your work useless, miserable, stinking, disgusting garbage didn't deserve to see the light of day? And then what if I published my thoughts for thousands of people to see. You wouldn't like that. So lighten up, okay. If you don't like a book and want to say so, fine, but don't be cruel about it. And by the way, I didn't have a friend in the publishing business.

Okay, this is getting way too long and personal. But I just had to say it because I was so deflated reading it yesterday. Then, of course, I realized that rejection is just part of the job of being an author (as it's part of an actor's job) so I needed to get over it and move on. I have. Now I need to go work out. My blackberry is vibrating at me again. Why? What are you trying to tell me my electronic organizing friend?

My Post after Schuyler Hijacked my Blog

2005-11-02T08:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, about ten seconds after leaving for school, Schuyler comes running back in a panic. It seems that she dropped her cell phone down the elevator shaft. Now do you know how hard that is to do? You have to drop the phone at the exact moment you're crossing the threshold from the hallway to the elevator car. The phone has to fall sideways so that it is able to slip down the three to four inch crack between the hall and the elevator. And yet, conditions were perfect for Schuyler's phone to fall precisely through the space, eleven stories down to its demise. This is the second cell phone she has rendered unusable in a month. The first one was lost. This one was smashed in the elevator shaft. Others have been lost, run over by a car, snatched by a dog. Schuyler doesn't have great luck with cell phones. Luckily this phone was insured so after paying $115 (deductible, shipping), the rest is free. It's only a $200 phone. They don't tell you this stuff when they sell you the insurance. Schuyler will be paying for these two phones out of her allowance until April. But how can I let her loose on the streets of NYC without a cell phone? I can't, that's how. On the Sam front, last night was a scramble to finish his Uranus project. He and a friend made a three-dimensional poster of Uranus and all it's moons. The day before, he walked through the house with his freshly painted poster, dripping navy blue paint on our floor, walls, and doors. Of course, it's up to mom (moi) to assist in putting all the pieces together, at midnight the night before it's due.

I went to see a friend yesterday who is a doctor. I had some follow up to do after the bloodwork at Canyon Ranch. As I sat in her office after the exam, waiting for her to tell me my course of treatment (thyroid pills, nothing more), she took a call from another doctor. From my end, I heard her talking about a teenager with MS, incontinence, blind, convulsions - the list goes on and is so sad. I realized that as challenging as it is to raise teenagers, at least mine are healthy. I can't imagine how difficult it is for that kid's mother (and for the child, too). Count your blessings if your children are healthy.

Tonight I'm speaking for 70 women at my friend, Carol Becker's, apartment. She's hosting the evening for a Jewish Women's Organization and I can't believe how many people RSVP'd. Carol was so generous, not only in having the event in her home, but also by buying everyone who attends a book. I'm going to talk about professional reinvention, which is one of my favorite subjects. That's probably because I've had to do it so many times. I'll tell my own story and then share the ten lessons about reinvention that I came up. People tell me they find it inspirational so I really enjoy doing it. After, my aunt and cousin and I are going out to dinner. Aunt Claire always knows great restaurants on the Upper East Side.

Did I mention that I turned in Wife in the Fast Lane? That happened on Monday. The editor will read it over the weekend and give more notes about changes she still wants to see. My editor, Trish, is really pretty great and her comments have already made the book better. I don't mind getting those comments at all. A good editor can keep you out of trouble. A different editor is currently looking at my India Fudge book. My agent had lunch with her last week and she hadn't started reading it yet. My fingers are crossed on that one because I love it so much and want to do a series. I do think it needs work, but that's where getting a good editor comes in. I'll let you know...

Schuyler Is a Genius:Part two

2005-11-01T22:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, so after reveiwing the blogs that my mother has recently posted, i would like to say that yes I did have fun at the night club, and no the blue ink stain on the duvet was not me. Anyway, high school is tons of fun and my mom just can't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm growing up. Everyday it's some random complaint such as "Don't lock your door" (when I don't have a lock on my door in the first place) or "Take the 3 day old chinese food off of your desk!!" Which I admit, i do eat alot of chinese food and have a tendency not to throw it away...until the smell is REALLY noticable. Anyway back to high school. Ok so i'm at the Winston Prep School. It's a school that is suppose to help kids with learning disabilities (I have A.d.d....and no i'm not just using it as an excuse for being slow) and it's suppose to help kids with their "learning style" etc. What i don't understand is why we pay almost 40,000$ so i can have vacation every 3 days. I mean i'm not complaining, it's just that it really doesn't make sense. I actually tried to get in another day of vacation last week by (ok so my school has this schedule that we keep on our fridge and all the days we're not suppose to come in are marked red) so I colored in the day red. So it worked until about 10:30 when my focus teacher (yeah, bet'cha never heard of a focus class before) called and asked my mom where i was. Anyway the truth is, I think i've gotten just about everything i can out of this school which is why i suggested "mainstreaming" as they call it is winston terms. So me and my mom are going to look at a few schools (churchill, dwight, calhoun, I.C.E.) and figure out what school i'm going to go for sophmore year. I really do love winston and all the crazy people that come along with it but i need to get outta there. I actually have no idea why this is relevant to anything but it's ok. In other news, I found out about my mothers "magical mushroom" days and i was not happy. I spent almost the whole rest of the night lecturing her on why drugs are bad. God I don't know what i'm gonna do when i have kids. I asked my dad about his shroom eating days but he refused to admit anything. Well to keep this somewhat short, there have been fights, there have been new boys here and there, and i've been learning alot about my parent's crazy highschool days. I also learned how to use phtoshop...which i am very excited about. These are just some pictures of me and the crazy nutshell that is my life.

Do you and Daddy have sex?

2005-10-26T23:16:00.000-04:00

So Sam asks me tonight, "do you and Daddy have sex?" I said, "yeah, sure, of course we do. That's what happens when you get married." So Sam says, "OH MY GOD! With young, impressionable children just 100 feet away?" "Of course," I told him. He says he is traumatized by the mere thought of it. Am I really that gross to my son or would does every child think that about their parents no matter what?

Yesterday, Schuyler faked sick and stayed home from school. I knew she was going to from the minute she woke up and complained of a headache. She used the scratchy-fake-sick voice. Then I insisted she take a shower and get ready for school. Next thing I knew, she stuck her head out of the bathroom and said (in scratchy fake-sick voice), "Mom, I just threw up in the shower." So I said, "Well, did you finish your shower?" "No," she said. "Get back in there and finish it," I said. "You mean step in the vomit?" she asked. "Yes, but don't slip." I didn't make her go to school because I knew I'd just get a call by second period that she felt sick and needed to come home. I insisted she stay in bed and wouldn't let her order Chinese food for lunch. That was the meanest I could be. Later, she kept talking in the scratchy-fake-sick voice and I told her she could stop because I knew she was faking.

The night before, she went out to dinner with me and my old friend, Kathleen (from Denver). Somehow we got to talking about old times and Kathleen said something about magic mushrooms. So I said to her, "Were you at my shroom party in the eighties?" I totally forgot that Schuyler was sitting at the table. Schuyler was flabbergasted and confronted me on my earlier drug experimentation. I admitted to taking mushrooms once at my party and having a terrible experience with them (true). And I also admitted to trying marijuana once or twice and hating it (also true). I sort of fell headfirst into that moment that parents dread - when their kids ask them if they did drugs and they have to decide whether to lie of be honest. I was pretty honest. Mark thinks a parent should never admit drug use to their children, even if they did very little or had a bad experience with it. Well, it's too late for me. I reacted in the moment and can't take it back. For any of you parents out there who haven't been confronted with this issue yet, I suggest you decide ahead of time what you'll say. Unfortunately, I didn't plan and did what I did, which probably isn't what I would have done had I thought about it.

Today I talked with a reporter from New York Magazine who is doing an article on private school admissions in December. He was fun to talk to and I sent him a book.

Two Editing Breaks

2005-10-21T16:08:00.000-04:00

While book #2 is printing (so that I can read it for the 50th time), I thought I'd say hello. I've been working day and night on this thing, except for two breaks I took. First, went to Sam's potluck dinner for his class on Tuesday night. This was held at a gorgeous penthouse overlooking Grammercy Park where one of his classmates lives. These things are fun to go to not only for the company, but for the glorious apartments you get to see. One year, I got to go to Susan Saranden and Tim Robbins loft for potluck. That was cool. I brought salmon which was a hit. Another family who often hosts has an entire building on the Bowery as their home. On the outside, it's covered with graffiti (so the riff raff will think there's nothing inside), but inside it's quite snazzy. I wouldn't mind hosting, but I'm afraid my apartment wouldn't meet the chi-chi standards that have already been set.

Then last night was Sam's back to school night (where you get to meet the teachers). On my way out the door, I said to Schuyler, "when does your school do a back to school night?" She said, "Tonight." TONIGHT! She forgot to give me the flyer as usual. So, I quickly rejiggered my plans and decided to go to Schuyler's school first, leave early, and catch the end of Sam's. Mothers are not only expected to multi-task, we're expected to be in two places at once. I'm wearing my jeans, tennis shoes, tee-shirt - my writing uniform which is, admittedly, scruffy. But it doesn't matter at Sam's school where everyone's casual. Schuyler goes to an uptown school that just moved downtown, so the parents tend to dress up for functions, but I didn't have the time or inclination to change. I flew like the wind to her school (okay, I took the subway), ran in the door, and immediately saw that the place was all decorated and people were in black tie. The man at the door handed me a glass of champagne as I walked inside. Wow! This is the kind of back to school night I can get into. The spread was amazing, caviar, shrimp, fancy petit fours just to give you a sense of the quality. I helped myself, but stayed in the shadow of a potted plant because of how scuzzily I was dressed. Finally, I asked a woman who seemed to be official when the back to school night program would actually begin. She looked at me like I was drooling and explained that this was their 25th Gala Celebration". Oops. I did know about it but I had forgotten because it conflicted with Sam's back to school night. It was one of those scary Alzheimer's moments. I apologized to the official woman, said I had the wrong school, finished my champagne, slinked out the door and dashed to Friend's Seminary where I visited all Sam's classes until about 9:30 when I could stand it no longer (too many stairs at his school).

Anyway, my manuscript has finished printed so I suppose it's back to work. Ta ta for now folks.

My beautiful duvet cover

2005-10-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know I'm supposed to be editing novel number two, but I'm on a break. Plus it's Sunday and any work I get done is gravy anyway. Mark and I are about to go shopping for one of those humungous feng shui mirrors to go in our living room and a new couch to replace the one the kids have ruined. I don't have many really expensive things in this house. All the artwork is my own - nothing fancy. But we did recently buy a very extravagent duvet cover from ABC Carpet, the coolest and most expensive home-furnishing store in the city. We splurged and bought this cream colored, soft as a baby's bottom, cotton embroidered cover for $800 - $900, alot of do-re-mi for us. I justified it by saying that we spend so much time in bed that we should really love our boudoir and look forward to spending time there. With such a fancy duvet cover, how could we not quiver with anticipation over the hours spent lounging in bed. Anyway, I'm pulling the covers down the other day, and under one of my throw pillows I find a huge, blue ink stain. It was as if one of the kids just put an open fountain pen on the duvet cover and let it bleed until it made a four inch round stain. But to make it worse, said kid tried to cover up his or her crime by painting white-out over the stain - not cream colored white-out that IS available at Staples and would have at least matched the duvet cover, but the brightest white money can buy. So now, we have a thick, hard, white-out stain mixed with blue ink on my very expensive, prized duvet cover. I'm sick about it. Sick, I tell you. But then I think about how much everyone lost in Hurricane Katrina and I realize how spoiled and materialistic I must be to care about a stupid duvet cover. I'm lucky to have my home. Once you have kids, a parent should know better than to buy anything they care about getting ruined or broken because chances are, if you care about it, it WILL be destroyed. I don't know who committed the crime but I issued a restraining order and now all children are restricted from coming within ten feet of my bed.

Meanwhile, Schuyler is going to teen night at a nightclub tonight. Apparently this is very big with the teens ages 13 - 18 these days. Tickets are $30, no alcohol is served, kids go through metal detectors and are supposedly supervised. I hated the idea of saying "yes" to this, but I figured it was better to have her tell me where she's going and for us to work out reasonable ground rules than to have her lie and sneak into one of these things because I'm being overly protective. We'll see how it goes. I told her she has to keep a cell phone on her person at every minute so I can reach her. Of course, I also gave her the lecture about not putting your drink down or a boy will spike it and then take advantage. These are hard times in the parenting department at the Quinn house. When I was a kid, I would have hated a dance at a nightclub. Of course, I wore glasses, braces and a headgear, none of which makes you the belle of any ball. Schuyler is beautiful and social and this is her element, unfortunately for me.

Well, time to go. Furniture stores await us.

Procrastination

2005-10-06T14:23:00.000-04:00

I know I said I wouldn't be writing because I have to edit my book, but I'm procrastinating getting back to the book. The editing part is the hardest for me.

Anyway, I talked to an old high school friend today who I haven't spoken to in maybe 30 years. It was nice to talk to a person who knew me as Karen Nedler. I know very few people anymore who knew me then. He told me that this girl who shall remain nameless, but who was very mean to me growing up, is now really fat. And I was secretly delighted to hear it. This made me realize just how far away from enlightenment I truly am. And it was a sad realization. My soul has such a long way to go. Pray for me.

Return from Canyon Ranch

2005-10-05T16:55:00.000-04:00

I'm sad to report that I'm back from Canyon Ranch and living my real life again. Nothing against my real life, but the fantasy of healthy living is tough to say "goodbye" to. Oh well. I had a hugely embarassing experience on the last day. Remember how I mentioned how everyone farts so incessantly at the Ranch due to all the ruffage in the food? Well, I'm laying on the massage table after getting naked, awaiting the massuese, when I let out a big stink bomb. It did not blend well with the smell of lavender that my massage therapist had just spritzed around the room. So I was whipping the covers up and down trying to dissipate the fart molecules when the therapist walked in and caught me in the act. She asked if I was okay and I said I was fine. But I added (because I think fast on my feet and in this case my back) that I was hot and that's why I was doing the billowing covers thing. But I know she smelled the fart because she non chalantly (and suspiciously) spritzed more lavender in the air like that's what she would have done anyway when she walked in. Right! Luckily, I will never see this woman again.

Schuyler has been home from school for three days. These private schools totally take advantage of the Jewish holidays. It's a two day holiday at best. And next week she has three days off for Yom Kippur! Can you explain that one? Apparently there are a few other obscure Jewish holidays around that time which is why she is off. I'm Jewish so I feel qualified to complain about this abuse of our holidays.

You may not hear from me for a while. I'm going underground to meet a tight deadline to turn in the revisions for Book #2 - Wife in the Fast Lane. The UK wants to publish next summer so all changes must be made by November 15 at the very latest. We'll need to go through two rounds between now and then. And I have A LOT of editing to do. The US won't publish until Spring or Summer '07. But all the changes have to be made NOW for England. At least I'll be through by mid-November. I met with my new editor at Simon and Schuster, Trish Todd. She seems really great. Very smart - made some excellent editorial suggestions - and lovely to talk to. Plus, she took me out to lunch at a fancy midtown restaurant. It was delish.

I gave India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel to my agent, so keep your fingers crossed for that one. I really adore that book because it involves time travel to New York in 1879. That period fascinates me. I'm thinking it's possible I was reincarnated from the 1800's. Anyway, the excitement mounts as we wait to see if anyone is interested in publishing it. I'll keep you posted.

Oh I'm going to be speaking at Brick Church Nursery School in November with Mike Wallace and Jamee Gregory. That's cool, eh? I'll borrow Schuyler's camera and get my picture taken with Mike and Jamee (yes, we're on a first name basis, at least I'm sure we will be as soon as they meet me).

So goodbye everyone, at least until I turn in my Wife in the Fast Lane edits.

Canyon Ranch sojourn

2005-09-27T17:21:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm the luckiest person ever. Here I am at Canyon Ranch in Tucson, Arizona, spending my days hiking, swimming, working out, and just plain pampering myself. I've just returned from a facial and in two hours I have a hot stone massage scheduled. Life is tough. This is my birthday present from my mom and I'm loving every minute of it. It's a great chance for us to spend time together since she lives in Denver and I'm in New York. Any other visit that we have involves the whole family, so this is just our time. Mom is truly amazing. She's 76, a cancer survivor, and does more here than I do. I could barely keep up with her today on our hike.

The food here is delicious. I think it's practically impossible to lose weight even though everything is low fat and healthy. There's so much ruffage in the food that everyone walks around here farting. It's especially bad in exercise classes when we're all down on our hands and knees. The farts just reverberate (sp?)through the room. I can't tell you how often I've been on the massage table and the masseuse is working on my backside and I'm holding in a fart. It's not my fault. It's all the ruffage. I'm sure they're used to it, but still. Tres embarassing. Other than the farting issue, the food is amazing and you can get all their recipes by going to canyonranch.com.

We start our day with a walk through the desert at 7 a.m., before it gets too hot. It's about 102 out there right now. The desert is just so beautiful with the cactus, mountains and animals. It's important to stay away from the animals because they're wild. Then it's breakfast. I have blueberry pancakes every day that are great - whole wheat - ruffage - but good. After that I go to stretch class. Man does it feel good to stretch every muscle you have for 45 minutes. After that, it's swimming pool for me - water aerobics. This is my first experience with that, and I love it. I'll take another class after swimming, like pilates or tubing or exercise ball. Then it's lunch. Also mouth watering and fart inducing. In the afternoon, I do my treadmill workout. I'll also have some appointments - today was facial and later is stone massage. I'm meeting with a doctor on Thursday to assess my heart risk. They took blood on Monday for that. I saw that commercial about the woman whose sister got mamagrams every year, but died last year of...dum dee dee dum...heart disease. So I thought I'd better check out my risk for that.

One evening I spoke about my experience writing Ivy. It was a well received talk and now people come up and introduce themselves to me like they never have on any other trip. They also gave me and my mom a free day at the Ranch because I did the talk.

I did sneak some wine in my room, so after dinner, I'll enjoy a nice glass. There are always evening activities. Lectures, star gazing, art classes, bingo on Friday night (very popular).

The people are really very nice and down to earth. Most are like me - normal looking people just trying to live a healthier lifestyle. There are a few women who are abnormally beautiful, face and breast lifted, lips plumped. They tend to be from L.A. I've talked to a few and it seems that they have very rich husbands and come here to keep up their exceptional appearance. That's a lot of pressure. I'd like to be that abnormally beautiful, of course. Who wouldn't? But I'd hate to have the pressure to keep it up in order to hold on to my rich husband. That would be a tough pill to swallow.

Anyway, it has been fun and I have two more full days of this before going back to NY. I miss the kids and Mark, but I wouldn't trade this time with my mom for anything. And the massages and facials are not bad either.

Once upon a mattress...

2005-09-18T16:40:00.000-04:00

I went to see my psychic on Friday. I have such a great psychic and I love going. It's better than seeing a shrink because you actually get answers to your questions. Whenever I leave, it is with a greater sense of peace and comfort. One of the big things she said was that I needed a break desperately because I push myself so hard. Luckily, my mom is taking me to Canyon Ranch on Friday. The psychic warned me that I would get sick if I didn't slow down and take better care of myself. So, I thought I'd take time while at Canyon Ranch to figure out how in God's name I'll manage to take care of myself on top of everything else. But I think it's tough for any working woman. I have the kids and need to give them time and attention. And with the kids there are a thousand other responsibilities - school, camp, after-school lessons, social problems, doctor's appointments, all that stuff you don't think of when you dream of having a cuddly little baby. I try to spend time with Mark as well. Gotta keep the marriage intact. Luckily, he's a low maintenance guy. Then there is work - writing, editing, selling, promoting, all that. Then there is me. I know that now, the politically correct view is that "you can have it all, just not at the same time." But I think that's BS. I mean, what am I supposed to give up at this time? The kids? Mark? Work? Me? So instead, I try to do it all, and often not very well. I think that's what most women do with their overwhelmed lives.

On the good news side, the psychic thought that both "Wife in the Fast Lane" and "India Fudge" would do well. I totally believe her. If she had said they wouldn't do well, I probably wouldn't have believed her. I tend to take good news to the bank and discount the bad stuff. Why not? Right?

[Warning: This paragraph should not be read by my mom, mother-in-law, or children] Mark and I are struggling with our new mattress. It is so comfy to sleep in. But (and this is hugely embarassing to write), it's so soft it makes sex really difficult. You just sink right in to the mattress and can't get leverage. Oh the positive side, I'm probably expending double the calories having sex on it. Think of the difference between running on a track and running on the beach and you'll understand. I realize now that we should have tried to have (fully dressed) sex when we were testing it out in the showroom, but we probably would have been arrested. Plus, Sam was with us and he would have died. We have two more weeks to sleep on it and return it. What do I say when they ask me why I'm taking it back? This is a real dilema. Mark thinks we should just keep it and eventually we'll get used to it. I'm not so sure. Ultimately, I'll let you know what we decide as I'm sure you are dying to know. I'm only going public with this because the experience has taught me a good lesson. Somehow, you must test a new mattress for sex when you are buying one. I don't know how, but you've got to do it or you'll be sorry.

Tee Hee

2005-09-17T19:34:00.000-04:00

my big fat photo shoot

2005-09-14T16:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, I take back all I said about getting my picture taken. Obviously the reason I hated getting my picture taken before was because I never had a team of amazing photographers, make-up artist, hair person, stylist to take the photo. The shoot today was totally professional and really fun. The guys I worked with were as nice as they could be and they made me feel comfortable and pretty. David did my makeup and hair. He was terrific. Tomorrow he's doing Erica Jong so I was in good hands. He made me look pretty amazing. I wish I had somewhere to go this evening. It's a shame to waste all this makeup and hair sitting in front of my computer. Jeff was the photographer and Brett was his assistant. They used all these lights, reflectors, etc. Jeff said all these nice things to me as I posed like, "you look so cute," "that's a great one," etc. and that gave me confidence. Danny is the photo editor from Woman's Day. He told me what to wear and set up all the shots. I especially like him because he guessed my age as 41! What a doll. Anyway, it was fun and glamorous and the opposite of what my life is usually like. After, we went to Odeon for lunch and I had an excellent lobster roll. Let's hope the photos come out well. And even if they don't, I had a blast playing movie star for the day. You can see the best picture in the January issue of Women's Day. At least I hope they pick my best one.

book sale and photo news

2005-09-14T09:27:00.000-04:00

Exciting news everyone! I sold my second book in the U.S. It's called "Wife in the Fast Lane" and I'm sure I've talked about it before. It is also sold in the U.K. For both books, I'll be with Simon & Schuster, which is very good. For Ivy, I was with Viking in the U.S. and Simon & Schuster for the U.K. It worked out pretty well, but I think it's easier to be with one publisher who does everything. I have no idea when the book will hit the stores, but I'll find out soon and let you know. There is a big editing job ahead and I'm planning to spend all of October doing that.

Today, a photographer is coming from Women's Day to shoot pictures of me at my desk writing. So, I spent about two hours yesterday cleaning up my desk. For the first time in months, I can see that the desk is actually made of wood. Who knew? They're sending a make-up man and hair dresser, which is very exciting. I've never had a shoot where I got make-up and hair. Stars get that all the time, but not writers. Getting my picture taken is actually excrutiating for me. I must have some kind of body image disorder and I'm sure I need psychological help for it, but oh well. Private school and summer camp tuition prevent that from happening. Really, I hate every picture that has ever been taken of me. If you look at the picture on this web site (under My Story), that was taken when I started my Smart City Kids business. I actually like that one because I was thinner and younger and my hair looked really awesome. I didn't even have it done; I was just having a good hair day. Viking rejected that picture as being too sophisticated/city oriented for "The Ivy Chronicles," so I had another photographer take photos, which I liked, but they also rejected. Then, I had another photographer take pictures, and I hated the picture he took, but Viking liked it. That's the picture that ended up on the inside flap of Ivy (luckily, it was the size of a dime). It was bigger in the U.K. edition, and that's the photo that the pundit on Richard & Judy held up and said "Can you believe Catherine Zeta Jones is going to play HER???" Vomit, vomit, gag, gag. Is it any wonder that I have a body image disorder? Anyway, I recently took that picture off my web site and put up the one I like because I couldn't bear to look at it anymore.

Here is my most unfavorite photo which of course made it into the book:

Here's are two more I liked well enough, also rejected by Viking. I had make up done and it made me look like I had cat eyes. Very exotic. Isn't the necklace cool? I borrowed it from Christian Tse:

Take a look at the bottom photo where my hair looks red and I'm giving my patented sexy, sultry stare. I like that one the best so I put it back up on the web site.

Sorry to obsess about the photo thing, but honestly, I believe I have a genuine picture taking phobia. Getting my photo taken, rejected, taken, rejected, made fun of on national TV was quite painful. I have a lump in my throat right now just thinking about it. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but still, you understand, don't you? And now, as I sit here in my workout clothes, sweaty hair, no makeup with 30 minutes to go before the photographer and his hair and make-up man comes, I realize I'd better take a shower or this new photo will be REALLY bad. Okay, bye. I'll let you know how it goes.

September 11

2005-09-11T22:21:00.000-04:00

Mark and I just got back from ground zero which is right around the corner. We decided to pay our respects to everyone who died on 9/11. There were lots of people milling around. Many brought flowers. Some hung up photos of their loved ones who died. A man was reading a small tribute to each person who died in the towers. It's hard to believe that it has been four years. On Sept. 11 Roxana and I had just started our business (Smart City Kids) and our first workshop (on getting into nursery school) was Sept. 12. We wanted to cancel, but couldn't reach the enrollees so we went to the workshop figuring no one would show up. Everyone came and they insisted we put on the class. That's when I first learned how crazy the school admissions experience makes NYC parents. Before I started Smart City Kids, I worked at the Amex Tower, which was right across the street from the World Trade Center. We lived on 15th St. then, so I'd take the subway and get off at Courtland St, the WTC stop. I was in the tower every work day for fifteen years. I felt like I knew that bottom retail floor like it was my own building. Claire's was there, the Disney Store, Borders, Kelly's photo, Godiva Chocolate, Citibank, Duane Reade - these were all the places I'd shop. Once I slipped on the marble floor of the mall because I was wearing Arche shoes which were dangerous when they came into contact with anything wet. Lots of people stopped to help me. At the bottom of the escalator, when you walked across the West Street Bridge, a little old lady who would stand there every day and say (over and over again in a very high pitched Southern drawl) - Please Feed me, I'm hungry. I used that lady in The Ivy Chronicles. I still wonder where she went after the Towers came down.

an exciting acquisition

2005-09-06T15:07:00.000-04:00

A quick update on yesterday's shopping trip. Bloomingdale's was a bust. And it turns out that no tax week means no tax on clothing purchases of $100 or less. I failed to read the fine print. So, we took the subway to Sleepies near Union Square where we bought Sam a very nice, comfy bed. And it is with great excitement that I announce...ta da!...that Mark and I have purchased a new bed! We both laid (lay??) down on this computerized bed which told us which model of this ridiculously expensive bed we should buy. Mark was a 2 and I was a high-1. But the 1 was like sleeping on a cloud, so we bought that. If we sleep on it for two weeks and don't like it, we can return it (for a $249 fee because supposedly they destroy the mattress if you return it - right! And if anyone shops the Sleepies discount outlet, I assure you it is the final resting place of all their returned beds). Anyway, the bed's coming tomorrow. Mark kept saying..."are you sure we need a new mattress?" HELLO! Have you not noticed the hills and valleys in our current mattress? When we have sex, I'll say "meet me on the mountain part of the mattress for some action." Sometimes we fall into one of the many valleys which makes our lovemaking all the more exciting. Schuyler, if you're reading this, ignore what I just wrote. Seriously, our mattress is 24 years old - as old as our marriage. I read recently that every ten years your mattress weight doubles because of dust mites. This means our mattress must weigh at least 300 pounds, maybe more. I can't imagine how many of those critters must be inside our pillows. Eauwww! I'm grossing myself out.

I made the turkey meat loaf today and oversalted it, unfortunately. But I think if I made it and salted it less, it would actually taste good. So I may have to just try that recipe again. I was a little nervous about what ground turkey would taste like, but you can hardly tell the difference between it and beef. My chicken dishes still look too unappetizing to eat so I'll probably toss those. I did meet a homeless woman on the street today who wanted money. I was stone cold broke at the time so I offered her the fruit I'd just purchased at the Amish market which she declined because she'd had a stomach ache yesterday. Then I offered her the grilled vegies and taboulle salad I'd gotten but she said no to that as well. I tried to do a good deed. And it really was a good deed because if she'd taken my grilled vegies and salad, I would have been forced to eat my diet orange chicken - gag!!! I would have offered to bring her some of that, but I'm sure she would have rejected it the moment she saw it.

Have a good one...

A slow weekend

2005-09-05T14:54:00.000-04:00

Hey there friends and family members who read my blog. Happy Labor Day. We've had a very quiet weekend, which is my favorite kind. I think my family is the only one who stayed in New York City this holiday. Last night, Mark and I went to the local sushi restaurant (did I mention that I really hate suschi, but Mark loves it) and we were the only ones there. The service was great. Then we went to Birdland, which is a jazz club near Times Square, and saw a big Latin band led by Arturo O'Farrell, son of the late, great, Chico O'Farrell. The show was excellent but I drank too much vino and paid for it this morning. I suppose it's my last hurrah before the big diet starts once again tomorrow. Yesterday I cooked all these low-fat dishes so that I'd have low fat food to eat all week long. Nothing I cooked looks good at all - this orange chicken dish, a Mexican chicken casserole, and sweet potato pudding (well, that looks good - I made my usual sweet potato pudding without butter). I'm really a very bad cook, generally speaking. You would not want to each anything I made except for brownies from a mix or chopped liver which I'm talented at making. Tonight I'm preparing turkey meat loaf. I may end up throwing all this food away if it tastes as bad as it looks. Let's hope it surprises me. I think I'm going to try the 3-hour diet which involves eating small meals every 3-hours. According to the book, it really works. We'll see. My mom and I are going for our annual visit to Canyon Ranch in a few weeks - she gives me this as a birthday present every year. It's such a huge treat. But the problem is that you have to really exercise and get in shape before you go or you won't be able to do anything when you get there. So, I've established a new rule which is that I don't get to start my writing until I've worked out. That has worked out well for the last week.

Schuyler and I just went out to buy her a full length mirror which we purchased at Discount-Land, a very dirty store across the street from our apartment. But the mirror was only $12.99. Seriously, I don't think that store has been swept, dusted, or cleaned since it opened in 1963. But the prices are from 1963 which is why I give them my business even though I have to take a shower after I go there. Later, Mark and I are going to Bloomingdale's to look for a new bed for Sam - his is on the verge of collapse. Last time he had a friend over, I wouldn't let anyone sleep on the top bunk for fear of a collapse. We're also looking for a new couch. Ours is embarassingly falling apart. This is a good day to shop due to 1) no tax week and 2) Labor Day sales. We're also doing back to school shopping today, which my kids are utterly depressed about. They wish summer would go on forever. I'm with you on that one kids.

I've given my new book, India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel to my brother, Don, my friends Kathleen and Bonnie, our babysitter, Bev, and Schuyler's friend, Rachel, to read. I'm very anxious for their feedback. It's always so nerve-wracking to let your baby out for public adoration or ridicule. You wonder if you're deluded to think it's good or are you right? Did they expect the ending or were you able to surprise them? Do they like the main characters? Would they like to see them again in a sequel? My friend, Brooke, loves the book. Sam and Schuyler both liked it but gave me lots of good critical feedback. I've also sent it to my agent who always gives me helpful comments to make improve my work. So fingers and toes are crossed that I've written something that people will enjoy reading. I had so much fun writing it and I'd love to do a sequel.

Ooops, my husband is calling. Time to take the subway up to Bloomies. Ciao for now.

Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-01T10:36:00.000-04:00

Apologies for not writing in a while. I've been deep underground working on my India Fudge book. My desk is a mess, there's no food in the house, the kids have forgotten they have a mother. But I finished the draft and passed it on to the powers that be and now I can come up for air. Ahhhhhh! Meanwhile, I've been watching the reports from Louisiana and Mississippi and praying for everyone down there. My heart goes out to all the people affected by the hurricane - words cannot describe the devastation and loss. I've been watching all the news reports and just weeping at the tragic stories coming out of there. I cannot fathom that this is happening in our country. Why can't the government get food and water to these people? It makes no sense. We can send spaceships to Mars but we can't drop palettes of water for those in need??? There's a fundraiser on NBC tomorrow night and those of us with electricity should watch and give generously. Or you can just go to the Red Cross site and donate. I've already given to the Red Cross and I'm planning to call in and give more tomorrow night. Here's hoping Leonardo di Caprio answers the phone when I call. Why do they always show him answering phones at all the disaster relief telethons? Seriously, you watch - they'll show him the most tomorrow night. Why? God only knows.

I did hear from my friend Brad who lives in New Orleans and managed to get out of there. I'll pass on his message for those of you who might like to hear directly from the front lines. Here goes...

Well, first let me say we're high and dry. Max and I departed New Orleans last Saturday night/Sunday morning just after midnight. Turned out to be a good plan, as we drove all the way to Jacksonville, Florida with no traffic whatsoever. We're actually just outside of Jacksonville, in the small, small, small country town of Hilliard, Florida (one red light), which is just below the Georgia line. We're talking cows in the yard country here people! A place where they differentiate between "house dogs", "yard dogs", and "hunting dogs". Needless to say Max is a "house dog" - he doesn't even like to associate with the "yard dogs"!

The home is that of my good friend Art's brother and family. Art, as some of you may know, moved back up here from New Orleans just before the beginning of summer. Good timing on his part. The family consists of Kenny, Connie, and their kids Ethan -14, and Bayley - 5. Ethan, whose nickname is "Bubba", is on the junior varsity football team and is already the size of a small fridge. Bayley, whose nickname is "Damnit girl, I said stop that!", looks like a young Pamela Anderson, and acts like she's 18. But they're all good people, and have been really gracious to open their home to Max and I. Not a lot of people are able to take in someone who comes equipped with a 104 pound German Shepherd. I told Art I've gone from Queer as Folk to Country as Folk.

I'll probably stay here a few more days, then get back on the road and head up to stay with my dad and step-mom in Bethany, Delaware. It could be a good month or four before we can even get back to the city, and who knows how long after that before power is restored. I haven't been able to find out any specific information regarding my house or neighborhood, other than the aerial footage I've seen of the Fairgrounds, which is two blocks over. Various reports have put the water levels in my area at 6 - 10 feet. My house is 3 feet off the ground, so who knows what that really means -- if, whenever I can actually get back there, I'll find anything left, or salvageable. Not really the way I had wanted to start a new wardrobe.

Tulane (University, where I work), from what I've heard, also has a good bit of water on it. No telling when it will open back up. Also not sure what they're going to do in regards to staff, specifically payroll. Oy, if you see me greeting at a Wal-Mart, say hi! Actually, Art said he was at the Wal-Mart in Jacksonville the other day and they were soliciting donations for hurricane victims via a bucket at the door. I said, "Good -- can I go show my ID and get it?"

Fortunately it's not as bad as all that. Yet. But I really did think this was going to be another situation where it was best to get out of town, and then we'd be back in a few days. Sooooo all I packed were a few items of clothes, some food for Max, and a six pack of diet coke for the road. Left behind the brand new desktop computer, the clothes, the shelf of photo albums with all my pics from the cruise ship, Max's meds, and, well, everything that was life as I knew it. But, the dog, the car and I are safe. And in the end, that's what matters.

Thanks to all of you who have emailed or called with concern. My cell phone doesn't get reception here in Hilliard, but earlier today while we were in Jacksonville I got signal and was able to access my voice mail for the first time.

Don't think life is all bad though - I'm enjoying a cocktail and Max has two kids fawning over him with long-lasting belly rubs.

I'll send more updates as things progress. If you're a New Orleans refugee as well, let me know how you're doing and where you're at.

Always,

~Brad and Max

P.S. Connie just got home and told us that all the gas stations as far as Jacksonville are almost out of gas, and don't know when the trucks will arrive next.

Here's another firsthand report from one of Brad's friends (let's all count our blessings)...

HI brad its very good that you got out. my family and i were not going to leave, we NEVER leave. but it has also never been a cat5. so we left at the last minute Sunday afternoon.me, sister mom and grandparents....dad and brother were too stubborn do they stayed.

we drove toward slidell thinking we were going to florida....it took 5 hours to get to slidell......so we turned and stopped in mandeville at my great aunt's house(88 years old) thinking we were going to pick her up and go. she said she didn't want to go and she knew where she was better off.

so then we got on I12 and headed back west traffic free.....until we got to i10 in BR from there we go on to i90 and continued to opelousas louisiana. by this time it was midnight and we stopped here to look for a hotel. of course none were available so we followed a policeman to a shelter where we slept outside in the parking lot me mom and sis in the minivan and grandparents in the truck.

the next morning we found a nearby holiday inn that was full and allowing people to sleep in banquet rooms and the lobby. we took a few things to an upstairs mezzanine planning to sleep there for the night. this was not necessary, the head of housekeeping gave up the suite that she and another staff member were staying in. the people in opelousas are VERY nice.

after that 1st night we were able to book 2 rooms in the holiday inn. and meals for the entire hotel were donated 1st by the rotary club, next by an individual, and some by the hotel itself.
locals even came by and offered rooms in their homes for people in need. the same lady that gave us her room informed us of a man that offered a currently uninhabited HOUSE yes a whole house. we went to look at it and thought of staying there until my brother. his wife and my father arrived. by this time we were able to contact a cousin in monroe who offered her home to us. i am still waiting on the group's decision as to where we are going.

my brother and his wife were staying in a days inn on the i10 service road near severn. he witnessed the hurricane from the 4th floor, flying light poles and all. the day that they left he waded through waist deep water in the lobby and hitched a ride in the back of a truck to the vets. exit where he proceeded though lafraniere park in more high water fighting off snakes and rats with a large knife.

when he made it to our house there were people posing in front of it for pictures. the front wall of this 2story brick building was torn down by katrina. the bricks buried the front of my car and the cab of my sister' truck. (one good thing I GET A NEW CAR!!!!!) my brother threatened suspicious people gathered a few belongings and met my dad in kenner where the business took in 2 inches of water. from there they made their way to us here in opelousas

rigel

As Written by Schuyler....

2005-08-25T14:34:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody reading this...This is Karen Quinn's Wonderful ( to some extent) daughter Schuyler. Now, after reading some of the blogs that my mother dearest has written about me, i would like to make it clear that I'm really not as bad as she makes me seem. I actualy think I'm a much better daughter then half of my freinds are to their parents....but in other news my mom asked (ok so i volunteered) me to write a blog about what its like having an authorish mother. Ok, so it's fun sometimes like when i get to go to london...and other places with her for her book tour and its cool being able to say "yea...see that book there...my mom wrote it...so that means i'm really cool...". But even though i love my mom, having her home alllll the time has its disadvantages that i will not write about seeing as i think it would be more appropriate to keep it to myself.
She is working on a childrens/ young adult book right now that she thinks might be of more interest to me than the ivy chronicles...but sadly for her...i dont like reading in my spare time. So she will probably have to set up some sort of bribe or something to get me to read it. Sad as that may sound, its kinda how our family works. Well to help her with this childrens book i've been teaching her some new mostly made up words that people my age use, and showing her peoples myspaces. For those of you parents out there, there is about a 99% chance that your child has a myspace...so to be safe just ask them to show you. Oh and FYI, most of the information kids write on it is false (e.g. i wrote that i'm a divorced, 85 year old man body builder) so don't be alrmed if your child says they're on crack (it's all a joke). So i've been showing her people funny blogs on their myspaces so she can get new words but i must say, having such a busy mother can be a very stressful thing. It's hard to keep track of her wherabouts (her office, the kitchen, the bathroom...you get my drift) and when i get to use the only working computer in the house (which just happens to be hers). Just kidding mom.
So basicaly having a mom...who's also an author has its ups and downs...but atleast she's always home so i can ask her or lunch money. Just kidding. Oh and by the way, i noticed she put up the most hideous pictures of me from like a badrillion years ago so i decided that i would post some new ones. I photoshopped some of them to make them look cooler...because i'm cool like that.

P.s. The first picture is of me and my friend scotty, the second one is of me and my besttt friend lizzie, then its just me with my blingin dollar ring. Byyyyy everybody!!

Happy Birthday Schuyler

2005-08-21T14:44:00.000-04:00

It is August 21. Yesterday was Schuyler's 14th birthday. That's so hard to believe because 1) it feels like yesterday that I brought her home from the hospital, 2) how can I have a 14 year old? I'm just a baby myself, and 3) okay, I'm in my late 40's bordering on the big 5-0, but still. We're going out for a birthday dinner tonight, Schuyler's choice. Mark and I will celebrate our 24th anniversary on Tuesday. That's hard to believe as well, but at least the wedding doesn't feel like it happened yesterday. Last night I dreamed that Mark and I got divorced so I woke up trying to remember if that was true. I was so relieved to remember that it wasn't, whew! Double whew! I think I dreamed it because my sister-in-law had come to visit and we had been discussing our marriages and her divorce. She told me the funniest story about her ex. One time, she had spilled some yogurt on the floor so there were all these stick spots. He tore up little pieces of paper and taped them next to all the sticky places so that she would know where to clean up. I laughed so hard at that. Those are definitely grounds for divorce. It's just such a stupid, thoughtless man thing to do. I actually like her ex a lot and I suppose we all do dumber than dumb things in our lives (this is me being charitable only because I know her ex has a very good heart and must have been temporarily insane when he taped those little papers to the floor. What WAS he thinking???). Anyway, need to go so I can create some new house rules for my newly 14 year old who thought that her advanced age enabled her to stay out until midnight last night. NOT!

The girl is back!

2005-08-17T09:40:00.000-04:00

Schuyler is back in town. She returned yesterday, about ten days early, having OD'd on camp life. I know she is back as 1) I'm listening to loud music coming from her room, 2) I already lost track of her last night and had to go find her out in the neighborhood, and 3) My wallet is much thinner already. She came home with lots of laundry, twenty throwaway cameras that needed developing, and a promise to try harder to keep the house clean and hang up her towels. We had her pictures developed on an emergency basis. The guy at the camera store was nice enough to stay open an extra hour and a half to process her photos. She has now combined about six poster boards for a giant collage of her camp pictures that should cover most of one wall in her room. Schuyler asked me if there was such a job as being a collage maker. If so, she wanted to do it for a living. I told her there was - being an artist. So, maybe she'll follow in my artistically inclined footsteps. In the process of getting all those pictures developed, we finally got some of the pics from our trip to London to promote Ivy. So here are a few.

The first is of Nigel Stoneman, the PR guy at Simon and Schuster. He's a real gem. It was taken at the party S&S gave for me in their offices. Note the champagne glasses in the background. It was such a fun party and I was so proud to have my daughter with me at the time.

This next one is of Schuyler with London in the background.

This is me standing next to a Richard & Judy poster about my book and the five others chosen for their show.

Spent last week in Finland at the World Track and Field Championship with Mark and our friends Stacy and Stuart. I was the only non-track-fan in the bunch. Still I tried to have a good attitude about it and I must say it turned out to be fun. The bodies on those athletes are not to be believed. Watching them strut around in their tight, muscle displaying outfits made me feel like a tub of jello. I went on an emergency diet starting yesterday. This morning, I worked out for forty minutes and actually broke a sweat, which is good for me. Really, these athletes can give us normal people a terrible body image complex. It's quite annoying. But at least I chalked up some good wife brownie points for being such a good sport and going on a track meet vacation. Perhaps someday, I'll cash those in.

Delicious Writing

2005-07-28T22:36:00.000-04:00

Hey there. It's Thursday night and I just watched Me and Bobby Brown, one of my new favorite shows. It's so G-D bad that it's good. Had dinner tonight with my Park Avenue friends. They have a professional chef cook a healthy dinner for them every single night. This is how the other half lives, my friends. Me, I'm lucky if I can zap a Lean Cuisine. Sometimes I'll do that and pretend that my personal chef cooked it, but it isn't even close to having a real personal chef, trust me. I've seen the difference. We all watched my Richard & Judy tape and boo-ed Toby Young when he said he couldn't believe CZJ was going to play someone who looks like (ugh! vomit, vomit!) the author. Pul-ease. Okay, that's the last time I'm mentioning Toby Young. I'm really not mad at the guy. He also said some nice things about Ivy and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt - that he was just trying to create good television by stirring up the some contraversey (sp??). CZJ can play the author! No, the author's a too ugly. She's not. She is. She's not. She is. AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa. Okay, enough of that. Toby's forgiven and I'd even have him to my home for dinner, the big slug. Leave us all move on.

Meanwhile, I'm writing my third book and having so much fun with this one. I absolutely love, love, love this book. I know I keep saying this but I can't help it. The plot is fantastic and so are the characters. You'll forgive me for being so cocky, but I have to tell you that this is a book I'm not writing. I'm channeling it from God knows where. The book I'm writing now is called "India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel." The second book in the series will be called "The Rescue of Pup Daddy - an India Fudge Time Travel Adventure." Love, love, love working on this book. Every night I thank God for blessing me with a life of writing.

I find myself at the stage of writing a book that I like best. That's when I'm laying down the bones of the story. At this point, you don't have to worry about perfect writing, excellent character development, important themes. No, you just make up a great plot and that's my favorite part. Once I lay down the bones, then I'll go back and round out my characters, strengthen my themes, decide what message (if any) I want the book to impart - all the little details that can make a good book great. But it all starts with the story. If you don't have an unputdownable story, you don't have crap. At least not for the average joe reader, and that's what I am. As a reader, it's the plot that gets me every time. The characters always come second for me. Other writers would disagree, but I believe that fascinating characters with no plot (or too literary a plot - gag - take your pick) spells B-O-R-I-N-G. So there you have it. I'll stop repeating myself now.

I am writing about 8 hours a day lately. And what I find is that in that time, I manage to crank out 7 - 10 pages. Every day, I write one to two amazingly funny lines that I feel are channeled from the great beyond. I don't even think about them. I just write write write and then I go back and read what I've written and then I crack myself up. Did I write that, I'll wonder. Yes, I must have because it's there in my computer. But where did it come from? The great Henny Youngman joke bank in the sky. This is hard to explain. You kind of have to be there. But this is how the process works for me.

Got to go. 8 hours of delicious writing await me tomorrow. Adios.

My So-Called Glamorous Life

2005-07-24T13:48:00.001-04:00

It's Sunday afternoon and I just woke up. Had to get up at the crack of dawn yesterday to let the refrigerator guy in so I didn't get my big sleep. Made up for it in spades today. Sam left me a note that he's gone back to the movies. Apparently he snuck into The Wedding Crashers yesterday (rated R - on one under 18 admitted w/o an adult), ironic eh? Anyway, he was so into it that he went back today to watch it twice. Lots of explicit sex which is made to order for a prepubescent (sp?) boy. My mother was scandalized that I let him go but I figured there are a lot worse things that a 12 year old can do besides sneaking into an R rated movie. Ah, I remember sneaking into my first R rated movie like it was yesterday - it was Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice. I'm sure it was tame compared to The Wedding Crashers.

I'm on strict orders to post new pictures of Schuyler. She HATED the pictures I posted last week. Hopefully, she'll like these better. Apparently she reads my blog ("Hi there Schuyler! How's camp going?") and she came upon her photos, then contacted me immediately imploring me to remove them (I really don't know how to take them down, I swear it!) and replace them with better pics. She's having a great time at camp, at least according to the IM's I'm getting. We talk everyday on line which relieves me of the need to send letters (not packages, however, those are still mandatory). Here are the new Schuyler pictures. What do you think? Better?

I was introduced to a freelance writer from Denver, Sally Stitch, who is going to include me in a story she's writing for Women's Day. I'm excited about that, but was struck when she mentioned that she thought I lived a much more glamorous life than most of the readers of that magazine. That's because I'm the living embodiment of the anti-glamorous working mom. I never wear makeup anymore because most days no one sees me but my kids, babysitter, cats, and husband. I suppose I should try to look sexy for Mark but really, we're married 25 years. I hate to waste my expensive Chanel makeup on him unless we're going out which we never do (See! NOT glamorous). I ran into a neighbor on the elevator the other day and she said, "Oh, did you just work out?" And I said, "no, I just worked," because my everyday wardrobe is shorts and tee-shirts. Yes, Catherine Zeta Jones is going to play me in the movies, but have I ever met her? Has she called me? Have we done lunch? NO! Not only that, this week I received the tape from the Richard & Judy show where they reviewed my book. The segment was quite fabulous except for this one moment when this guest author, Toby Young I think his name was, holds up a picture of me from the London edition of Ivy and says, "Can you believe that Catherine Zeta Jones is going to play HER!" The way he said it, I was surprised that he didn't hurl chunks all over Richard and Judy. And trust me, it's not like Michael Douglas would play Toby in the movie version of his life. Jason Alexander would be perfect. It's not that I'm trying to be as mean to Toby as he was to me. It's just that OF COURSE I look nothing like CZJ - I'm unglamorous like 99.9% of the rest of the world. That's why she's a movie star and I'm not. Anyway, the lovely Judy stood up for me and said she thought Rene Zelwegger would be perfect to play me. And even though I know she was thinking about the fat Rene Zelwegger, I still appreciated the sentiment and will forever be a Judy fan.

I did do one rather glamorous thing this week. I went to Peter Max's studio as I said I was going to. I Met Peter himself, who was so friendly. But talk about feeling unglamorous. When Paul Zerler introduced me to him to him, he referred to me as a famous author (of course Peter had never heard of me or my book). When you look around Peter's studio, you see the people he has painted - Christopher Reeves, Sting, Mick Jagger - Bill Clinton's saxophone, a piano signed by the Beatles. Compared to all the glamorous people Peter Max has met in his life, I'm so not worthy. Still, I so enjoyed getting to know Paul Zerler better. He's the man who invited me to Peter's studio. Paul is a very accomplished art appraiser who I'm convinced knows everyone in the world. He told me stories of hanging out with Luciano Pavaratti, Frank Sinatra, Andrew Wyath and lots of other luminaries that totally impressed me. Paul has been appraising all the artifacts that have come off of the Titanic and is going to introduce me to the man heading the Titanic project. But what most impressed me about Paul was how he could remember everyone's phone number. He was like, "Now, you MUST call Luciano. You can get him at 818-456-9879. Or else try his cell at 989-847-9243. And if he doesn't answer, try his wife at 818-878-4837." He did that with every single person he mentioned. And the guy's in his 80's. Although he doesn't look a day over 70. I can't remember my own phone number most of the time so I'm very impressed with anyone who has such a brilliant head for numbers. Talk about a guy who has led a glamorous life!

Oh, here's a big piece of news I forgot to mention. My English publish, Simon and Schuster, is taking my new book - Wife in the Fast Lane. I'm still waiting to hear from Viking in the U.S., but I'm very hopeful. Meanwhile, I'm working hard on a new children's book, a novel really, called India Fudge and the Time Travel Tunnel. I needed something to do after finishing Wife, so I thought I'd try my hand at a book for kids about my own childrens' ages. I'm loving doing this one. Time Travel novels are my personal favorites.

And one last piece of bummer news. Mark and I were all set to go on this amazing cruise around Greece, Italy and Istanbul in August. First we were going to this world track and field championship in Helsinki, Finland. BORING! But I agreed to go because I knew we'd be going on the very cool cruise right after. Well, Mark had a bunch of cases blow up at work and we've had to cancel our fabulous cruise! Now, my vacation is going to be watching a bunch of half-naked athetes run around a tartan track all day in Helsinki which is essentially the Cleveland, Ohio of Europe. Nothing personal to Cleveland, Ohio, but it's just not a place I would go on vacation. I'm hoping Helsinki will turn out to be better than I expect, and we'll be with our friends Stacy and Stuart, and they're a lot of fun. But still. I've been to Helsinki once and the most exciting thing we saw there was a bunch of cops commanding a german shephard to attack a drunk on the street who refused to get in the paddy wagon. And the german shephard jumped the guy and bit him silly. I'm not kidding. That really happened.

Anyway, see you in Helsinki.

P.S. I just returned from dinner and want to add one thing. Above, when I was trying to think of the actor who should play Toby Young in the movies, I wanted to say Wallace Shawn but for the life of me I couldn't remember his name. I could picture him perfectly in Woody Allen's last movie (Melinda and Melinda, I think), but his name just wouldn't come to me. So, I suggested that Jason Alexander should be the one to play Toby. Anyway, Mark and I just went on one of our 5 mile Sunday night walks, and in Greenwich Village who did I run right into but Wallace Shawn (out with his friends). Of course, the moment I saw him I remembered his name. But isn't that a remarkable coincidence?

some photos

2005-07-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm getting ambitious. I'm going to attempt to post some photos. I was just blogging about some of my artwork, and I found a picture of our apartment with some of my paintings, plus a few family shots that I thought I'd show you. If you are reading this and there are no pictures, it means I have failed in my attempt to post pictures. This is me attempting to do something high tech, so failure is definitely an option. If this does work, here is what you will see below: my cats, Smokey and Cookie, Me and Mark in front of a beautiful chateau in France (I'm totally squinting, sorry), Mark and Sam in Florida, my beautiful daughter, Schuyler, a few of my paintings in our apartment. I think that's it. So, let's see if they actually appear...

Ooh la la! It worked. This is going to open up a whole new world for me. Now if I can just figure out how to download photos from my camera to my computer, I might start peppering my blog with photos that bring my words life. Can you stand it!

Smokey, camp, and Peter Max

2005-07-17T14:22:00.000-04:00

Have I told you about my cat, Smokey? If I have, just skip this paragraph. I tend to repeat myself. She's a Russian Blue and just the sweetest thing in the world. She acts like she's really tough and will hiss at you if you do anything she interprets as suspicious. But she'll also jump into your lap for petting or roll over like a dog so you can rub her stomach. And she sits at my feet when I write every day which I find lovely. Anyway, Russian Blues are natural hunters and if she were able to go outside, she'd be hunting mice, birds, and other rodents. But we don't let her go out and there are no mice (or birds or rodents) in our apartment. So, Smokey hunts pens - ball point pens. At night, when everyone is asleep, she prowls the apartment in search of her prey. Her best hunting ground is my desk, where pens are plenty. Sometimes, I'll get up in the middle of the night, having thought of something to write, and I'll turn on my study light and there will be Smokey, on my desk, with her enemy already captured in her mouth. In the morning, and I mean EVERY morning, when I open my bedroom door, a pen is waiting for me, an offering from my Smokey. I just think that is so sweet.

We visited Schuyler yesterday and it was so great to see her. She performed magnificently at circus doing tricks on the trapeze that I would never have been able to do, ever, in my entire life. She's totally in her element, happy as she can be, with nice cabinmates and great counselors. I dropped off teen magazines, along with pounds of candy, potato chips, and other unhealthy foods for her and her friends. It was a long trip up and back and I'll do it again in three weeks. It'll take three weeks to recover from the long drive.

I've been trying to interview this man named Paul Zerler. Paul is a accomplished, distinguised, and famous art appraiser who I met not too long ago. He has been assessing all the artifacts that have come off the Titanic since they began excavating it, and that's just a tiny piece of his practice. We haven't been able to settle on a date, and we were going to meet tomorrow. But there was a death in his family. So, he asked me if I'd meet him at Peter Max's on Thursday so we could work out a time. I said of course, thinking Peter Max's was a restaurant, like Peter Luger's. But it turned out he meant Peter Max, the artist's, house. I remember what a phonomenon Peter Max was in the 60's. As an artist myself I would adore meeting the man and seeing his own art collection. I am a painter myself and if I could ever figure out how to post pictures on this blog, I'd show you my paintings. Maybe when Schuyler comes back from camp, I'll ask her how to do that. Anyway, isn't it exciting that I'm going to meet Peter Max? Doesn't that sound like an adventure? I once went to Andy Warhole's studio (called the Factory) and met his manager, Fred Hughes. But this is even more exciting because I'll meet the actual artist. I'll tell you all about the visit later in the week.

Ta Ta, karen

Good Richard & Judy news!

2005-07-14T20:56:00.000-04:00

Apologies for not having blogged in such a long time. I've spent the last few weeks working on two projects, one a non-fiction book that may or may not come to fruition, the other a young adult novel that I'm experimenting with. The young adult novel has caught my fancy a bit more, so I've spent the last week working on it. I told Mark last night that I really felt the book (I'm up to chapter 4) is destined to become a classic. Is that confidence or what? With Schuyler away and Sam at camp everyday, I'm able to spend 7 hours a day writing which is the most delicious pleasure. If only I could figure out how to keep my butt from falling asleep.

Haven't been exercising however and I'm getting fatter by the minute. I'll be a cow by fall. I bought a new pair of shoes last week and the first time I put them on I walked across the floor and the right shoe seemed to crumple under me and next thing I knew I had a severely sprained ankle. Of course I took the shoes back a week later when I could walk, but little consolation. So now I'm limping around and not able to exercise. What's really sad is that I secretly love having the sprained ankle as an excuse not to exercise. That's how much I hate exercise. But of course, not exercising isn't even an option. By next week I'm back on the treadmill even if I can only walk. The weight/exercise battle is one I haven't been able to win.

Very exciting news on the Richard and Judy front. My book was reviewed yesterday on the show and apparently all the reviewers (including a supermodel!) really loved it. I was thrilled to hear it and now Ivy is selling like mad in London. I've been checking Amazon.com pretty regularly and at one point, Ivy was #12 of all the Amazon books selling in the UK. We have 200,000 books out in the UK which I think is a lot. I don't have much to compare it to, but my sense is, for a new writer, this is good. I'm so happy and grateful that this is happening. Richard and Judy are the best. They can come to my house for dinner anytime. I've also gotten the nicest notes from my English readers. It makes me want to move to London.

I've also sent book #2 to my editors both in the U.S. and London. I'm waiting with bated (or is it baited?) breath to find out if they like it. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

We're going to see Schuyler at camp on Saturday. I cannot wait to see her. We've been IM'ing a lot since she's been gone. She seems to be very happy, although there was a terrible tragedy the first week. Three counselors were in a car accident and two died. Schuyler was devastated because one of the kids who died was like a brother to her. She told me she would need serious therapy when she returned home to get over it. I hope not. Apparently they have grief counselors for the kids. But what sadness, eh? - to go to camp and have two counselors die. You can't get away from real life, can you?

Anyway, I'm off to watch Being Bobby Brown which my friend Brook insists that I watch. It is pretty hysterical. When I see the way Bobby Christina acts, it makes me feel my children are little angels. What a brat that child is! And Whitney Houston - ooooooh she's a bitch. You should watch it. It's like seeing a train wreck happen before your very eyes.

Until next time...

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

2005-06-28T21:48:00.000-04:00

Today, I delivered Schuyler to Newark Airport, to the bus that would take her to camp. I'M FREE!!!!! I know she felt the same way. I'M FREE OF MOM!!!! Yes, we are taking a well needed break from the stresses of mother-daughterhood. For nine weeks, I am relieved of the responsibility of worrying about her whereabouts, who she is with, what she is doing, why she isn't answering her cellphone, what time she'll be coming home, etc. We cleaned her room after she left, filling two garbage bags with candy wrappers, old food, soda cans, etc. The amazing thing was that you couldn't see any of it just looking at the room. All the crap was masterfully hidden under the bed, behind the chair, inside the lampshade, beneath the computer, and in the other cracks and crevices of the bedroom. Schuyler has a talent for that. It's too bad you can't make a living at it. There seems to be some sort of alien fuzzy moldy stuff growing inside her lava lamp. How is that even possible? And don't get me started on the inside of her closet.

Much to her embarassment, I forced her to carry a small, insulated, glow-in-the-dark green lunch bag lined with ice packs, inside of which was 3 doses of her $1,000 per dose medication. I had markered all over it "Schuyler Quinn's meds. If found take to nurse's office immediately. Contents MUST be refrigerated." Why a thirteen-year-old would find it humiliating to carry such an item in front her fellow-campers I cannot say. The bag contained very important medicine for her sight-threatening eye condition. Before we left the apartment, I said to her, "whatever you do, don't lose that lunchbag." She rolled her eyes and accused me of treating her like a child. In the car, I repeated, "whatever you do, don't lose that lunchbag." She told me to stop nagging her, to cease treating her like she was stupid, all the usual teenage lines. After hugging her "goodbye," my departing words were, "do not, whatever you do, lose that lunchbag." Of course, as soon as I got home, there was an urgent message on my machine that the lunchbag had somehow been misplaced. She had no idea how that could possibly happen. She was really, really, really, really sorry about losing it. They were sending out a search party to scour the bus and hopefully find the missing meds. Oy, what a stressful day! And I haven't even mentioned the emergency 8:30 a.m. blow-dry appointment before leaving for Newark. Between the makeup, the outfit selection process, the beauty salon, you would have thought she was going to the prom and not summer camp. Oh, to be thirteen again. NOT. Actually, watching her operate, I am struck by how much harder it is to be thirteen in these days than it was when I was young. You gotta give these kids credit for navigating twenty-first century adolescence. I wouldn't want to do it. Anyway, the point is, what I'm trying to say is, my mini-me is gone and I miss her to death, the little lug.

Ivy Debuts in London

2005-06-14T13:54:00.000-04:00

Whew. Just returned from a whirlwind trip to London. It was SO exciting. Lots of book news to report. As I mentioned earlier, Ivy was selected as a Richard & Judy summer read. So, they printed tons of books and they all seem to be on display in the front of bookstores everywhere. It was tres cool to see so many of my books so prominently placed. I visited a number of stores and did signings. There was also a subway (tube) campaign where huge posters of the book jacket were hung everywhere. Simon and Schuster held a lovely champagne reception in their offices where Suzanne made a heartfelt speech on behalf of the book. Then, on Friday, I did a number of radio and print interviews which were fun. I'd never done radio before and now I understand how it's done. Usually, the guest isn't sitting right next to the host of the show as I'd previously thought. No, you're talking to each other from a studio miles away. Who knew? Anyway, Simon and Schuster has done an amazing job promoting Ivy and I've truly enjoyed working with everyone I've met there.

Schuyler joined me on the trip, as did my very good friend Kathleen and her daughter Lauren. We did all the tourist things - the London Eye (a huge carousal with great views), the theater, the wax museum, and of course the ever popular shopping. It was truly a blast, although everything was outrageously expensive. On the positive side, I now think New York is amazingly cheap. The most exciting part of the visit, however, happened at Mary Poppins (a wonderful musical playing on the West End). We stood in line waiting for tickets right behind Jude Law. Yes, let me repeat that, Jude Law. I'm happy to report that he is way cuter than any picture ever makes him out to be. He was with his little daughter who was also adorable. Anyway, I'm going to suggest that he play Philip in the movie of The Ivy Chronicles. Or, if George Clooney doesn't opt to play himself, we can always substitute Jude Law. Oh how I'd love to meet him. But first, I'd better lose 25 pounds. Details, details...

Too Much To Do Makes Karen a Very Tired Girl

2005-06-05T23:07:00.000-04:00

It's Sunday night after a very busy weekend. Frankly, my idea of a great weekend is a weekend with nothing to do. I'm one of those people who can sleep until noon on Sunday, read the paper, hang, do nothing, do more of nothing, muse, go out to dinner and go to sleep. But not this weekend. It started with the big book expo on Friday. Enjoyed it tremendously and got lots of free books. The fact that you have to carry them yourself is the only limiting factor in the number you take. Also met some interesting authors and others in the industry. I may not be so enthusiastic on my 10th book fair, but the first one was fun. Saturday was filled with errands and then a CAA party Saturday evening. It was at the W Hotel on Union Square, right down the block from where I used to live. The ballroom where the party was held was absolutely gorgeous. Elegant, lots of marble, columns, and gilded mirrors. I met my Hollywood agents (thin, thin, thin) for the first time, as well as my international agents (fun, fun, fun). There were a smattering of movie stars and very famous writers - I recognized James Patterson from his commercials but was too shy to introduce myself. Bev (our babysitter) will be so jealous - she reads everything James Patterson (and his posse of co-writers) writes. This morning I was up at the crack of dawn - 9:30 a.m. Sam had a game this morning which I missed. Can you say "bad, bad mother?" But my friends were in town from Colorado and we went to the Chanel exhibit. Bev took Sam to the game. He pitched for the first time and I felt terrible that I missed that. But the Chanel exhibit was wonderful. Her dresses from the '30's looked like they could come out of the pages of today's Vogue. So elegant and feminine. Most everything was in my favorite color - black.

Schuyler had a dance recital tonight. She danced in three numbers and was amazingly good. I was impressed, videotaping everything. I'm proud of her. As I watched the show, I thought about the fact that (for me at least) this is what life is all about - getting to watch your children perform - making mistakes, soaring, trying their best, smiling with pride when they take their bows. What could be better than this? Then it was out to dinner at Angelo and Maxi's for our Sunday night family dinner. Sam complained the whole time. He blames his bad behavior on the fact that he's now a sullen teenager (and he isn't really - he's not turning 13 until October). In his view, teenage hormones give him license to whine and make everyone around him miserable. I don't know how much of this I can take. I'm home now and about to pack for my London trip. We're leaving late tomorrow afternoon. Now that book #2 has been given to my agent, I can enjoy the trip without feeling that I'm missing any writing. So this is coming at the perfect time. Have a great week!

Nothing Special...

2005-05-31T07:54:00.000-04:00

I'm exhausted. Stayed up past 1 last night making corrections on my manuscript (mostly grammar and mispelled words). Then up at 6:30 to get the kids ready for school. Schuyler has a dentist appointment this afternoon, then Sam's game, then my writing group. It's so much work to be a parent. And it's tough when your kids become teenagers because you get no appreciation (in fact, you get just the opposite) for your efforts. This weekend, Sam said "Mom, would you stop asking me 'did you have a nice day' after school? Why do you want to know anyway?" But the hardest is Schuyler at 13. I love her dearly, but at times I want to strangle her. I offered to pick her up from the bat mitzvah Saturday night and she was horrified. "Mom, people will think I'm a loser!" Where did I go wrong with this parenting gig? I expected my kids to think I was a cool parent, but they think I'm just as hopeless as a grown-up can be. Okay, I'll stop whining now.

I'm sad to report that my body pillow has been a bust. It's so big and heavy that I end up throwing it on the floor every night. If you want to turn in bed, you have to resituate this enormous, twenty pound pillow with you. It's just too much work and you wake up with sore muscles. I think I'll give it to Sam to use when he plays video games. And I had such high hopes for that pillow.

Leaving for the UK in a week. I'm very excited about that trip. There's going to be a poster campaign in the tube (or toob???) for my book. I'll take pictures. Hope to do some media over there, while also bonding with Schuyler. I suspect we'll be good friends travelling together (because there will be no one to spot us together and brand Schuyler a 'loser'). We'll do theater, tea, and that big wheel where you get such great views of London. Shopping but very little buying is planned due to the value of the dollar versus the pound. That's it for now. I have let everything in my life go to pot as I've tried to finish the second book, so this is the week to get my life back in order. Attending the big book exhibition at the Javitz Center on Friday, including going to a snazzy industry party that night. My friend Bonnie Marson (Sleeping with Schubert - an excellent novel) invited me. Then entertining my good pal Kathleen Stowers and her daughter (Lauren) for the weekend. We'll be attending an art exhibit on Sunday, along with Schyler's ballet recital. Kathleen and Lauren are travelling with us to London. Cheerio.

The Bat Mitzvah

2005-05-28T17:29:00.000-04:00

Attended the Rachel Jones bat mitzvah today at Brotherhood Synagogue on Gramercy Park. The synagogue looks suspiciously like the meeting house for Friends Seminary (Quaker) and I'm sure there must be some connection. I liked the vibe at this temple, very low key. People coming in and out. Moms breastfeeding. Okay, one mom whose baby was given her Hebrew name today. Someone even brought their bike into the sanctuary with them. But I must confess that there was so much Hebrew being spoken that my eyes glazed over. I finally hid my advanced copy of Lipstick Jungle (Candice Bushnell) in my prayer book and read it instead of listening to the service. I am Jewish, but never went to Hebrew school. I hope God forgives me for this. Reading about an art exhibit of giant vaginas with dolls coming out of them while the cantor was singing the sh'ma felt almost wicked. Although, I suppose they represented birth which I know God is a big proponent of. The bat mitzvah girl did very well (yes, I paid attention when she was on). I've known her since she was three and was very proud of her today. After, her parents put on a beautiful party at the Knickerbocker, which is the restaurant that her dad owns. I set an important scene in The Ivy Chronicles at the Knickerbocker. I'm hoping they really shoot it there so I can be an extra. They did shoot a Hugh Grant movie in there. It's a great restaurant. Good food and they have music on weekends (just like I said in the book). Rachel did the special candle light ceremony where she recognized all the people she loves, including us (I was touched). Tonight, Rachel is having the kids party. I took Schuyler to buy a new dress, shoes, jewelry, etc. She's going to get her hair blown and nails painted before the big event. Let me tell you, my social life at thirteen was nothing like my daughter's. In fact, my social life was never ever as vibrant as Schuyler's is. Lucky girl.

Finished book #2 and will give it to my agent on Tuesday. Very excited about this! Now I have to come up with an idea for book #3.

Amanda's party, Richard & Judy

2005-05-25T17:01:00.000-04:00

I don't have a lot of time to write today as I'm trying to finish my last draft of book #2 before leaving for Sam's Spring concert at Friends this evening. Hoping to get home in time to find out who won American Idol. Last night, I went to a divine book party for Amanda Fillipachi who wrote Love Creeps. It was at The Ballroom on Union Square. The food was delish. Drinks were free. The atmosphere was lovely, illuminated by hundreds of flickering candles. A bouncer with a list guarded the door. Lot's of important literary types were there, although I didn't recognize any of them. Except Tama Janowitz and that's because I heard someone say, "Look, there's Tama Janowitz." If you'd like to see pictures from the party, there's a link at http://www.patrickmcmullan.com/website/pmc_screens/event_Selects.aspx?Event_Id=2781. I never get invited to such hip parties, most likely because I'm not hip, as evidenced by the fact that I actually left early so I could see Bo and Carrie compete in the American Idol showdown. That's not something your classic downtown hipster would do. But I had fun, and I especially enjoyed the mini-cheese-quiches they served.

Also, big news that I totally forgot to mention. The Ivy Chronicles was selected by the Richard & Judy show as one of their summer reads. I'm so excited about this. When I was first told, I didn't know who Richard and Judy were and what it meant to be on their show. I doubt if people in the UK know who Regis and Kelly are either. I have since learned that they are a married couple with a talk show at 5 p.m. It's the program all the big stars go on to promote their movies. And, their book club is a big favorite among viewers. The books chosen for their club do very well in England. Special displays right up front, that sort of thing. Advertising and promotions on the show, etc. So, I'm extremely lucky that they chose the Ivy Chronicles and I can't wait to watch the program they devote to the book. What will people say?

P.S. If anyone out there is actually reading this, would you do me a HUGE favor. Please go to the Amazon web site and post a nice review of my book. I'm assuming you'll be nice if you've gone so far as to read my blog. There's this horrendous, cruel review written by a woman who obviously has too much time on her hands (otherwise, why would she bother to finish reading a book she hated?). And it's right on top!!! I need a few good reviews with lots of stars to counterbalance this mean-spirited posting. Thanks.

I confess...

2005-05-17T17:07:00.000-04:00

Confessional time. I had a business meeting today, which I don't normally have, so I had to put on real clothes. There was a pair of black pants that I wanted to wear and I couldn't button them. In February, these pants were too big for me (I'm pretty sure these were the pants that were too big). Then I tried on my pants with the elastic band waist and THEY were tight. Ugh! The humiliation. Dowdy housewife pants don't even fit. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed a very big stomach has suddenly materialized. Huge. Almost pregnant-like, which I'm definitely not. My first thought was that I must have a large tumor growing in my stomach and I've only just spotted it (that happened to a girl on an episode of "House" two weeks ago - she died). I poked the growth a couple of times to see if it felt like a tumor, but it's soft and flabby, a good sign as far as tumors go. I'm going to assume that I've put on weight since I fit into those pants in February. This calls for immediate action - a low calorie diet - which I'm going on. The only time I won't diet is when I go to Denver (tomorrow through Saturday), London (in June), and when I have lunch at Fred's (the restaurant in Barney's that has wonderful chicken liver and profiteroles - also scheduled for June). Other than those days, I'll be eating lite and working out. If my stomach doesn't go down, then I'll follow up on the tumor theory. For now, we'll assume I'm suffering from too much good eating.

Love Creeps

2005-05-15T15:21:00.000-04:00

On Friday night, I saw Amanda Filipacchi read from her new book, Love Creeps. Of course, I bought the book and I've started reading it. I just want to say that it is terrific and you should run out today and buy it. It's just hitting the shelves. Amanda is such a wonderful writer. She has the most surreal imagination and such a brilliant way with words. Her humor is dry, but hysterical. Her first two books, Vapor and Nude Men, are excellent as well. I don't usually get this excited about the books I read, so you can take this recommendation to the bank. Love Creeps is a great read.

Breakfast at the Peninsula Hotel

2005-05-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning, I had breakfast with my publisher from the UK - Suzanne Baboneau from Simon & Schuster. She is a lovely lady, a working mom like me who struggles with the same competing demands. She's delightful to talk to and very supportive of me as an author. We ate at the Peninsula Hotel in the Fives Restaurant. Very chic. $85 for breakfast which is why, as a rule, one should never eat breakfast at a hotel restaurant. We could have gotten bagels and coffee at the deli next door for about $5. But of course that wouldn't have been nearly as glamorous or civilized. Ah to live like that every day. Wouldn't that be lovely? She told me they are printing 100,000 copies of my book in the UK. That just blew me away. For a new author, I think that's a large first print run. I'll just have to work extra hard when I go there to promote the book.

That evening, I went to see Joseph Kanon speak about his new book, Alibi, at Barnes & Noble. Joe is my agent's husband. A wonderful guy. Very smart, funny, and warm. I'd heard of him before I ever met Robin, his wife. Mom is a big fan of his book The Good German which I intend to read as soon as I finish the ten books currently on my nightstand. I bought a copy for myself, one for Bev, and one for Mom. He signed them all. It's fun to experience an author signing from the other side. He spoke about why he wrote the book and what was behind it. All very fascinating. He's an excellent speaker. The audience asked such smart, savvy questions that I felt very ill-informed and simple minded for not knowing as much about current affairs as everyone else did.

Mark's on his way to Phoenix for a week. He has his company's sales meeting. I'll be attending a party at Sam's school this afternoon. He wants me to bring bacon as our family's culinary contribution. Then, Sam has a baseball game and after, I'll attend a reading at the National Arts Club by Amanda Filipacchi (Love Creeps) and Richard Hine. Amanda bought my old apartment and we've since become friends. She invited me to join her writing group, of which Richard is also a member. It has been a great learning experience. Plus I've gotten to know some bright and lovely people. Have a good weekend.

Cancer Benefit, Kelly Ripa, Pickpocket & 40% Off at Saks

2005-05-11T08:40:00.000-04:00

I wanted to report on yesterday's City of Hope Luncheon. To my surprise and delight, I enjoyed it tremendously. Until I was pick-pocketed, but that comes later. It was held at the Waldorf Astoria on Park and 48th. The women were as beautifully dressed and well put together as they always are at these things. Many wore those fancy hats that you always see in the society pages at garden parties and horseraces. I don't think I could ever bring myself to wear one of those unless I was attending some English tea party where no hat is as frowned upon as no underwear. Anyway, when we arrived, we bought funny money - I spent $300 and bought ten play ten-dollar bills and 8 play $25 dollar bills. There were all these amazing packages that you could put your money in to bid for. The smaller ones cost $10, the bigger ones cost $25. I bid for a complete face and neck lift (3 times), a trip to Miravel Spa in Arizona (2 times), a Judith Leiber bag, a trip to Paris, a trip to Italy, diamond earings - can you believe the donations they got! I also bid on lesser gifts - an ipod, a football signed by the Jets, turquois earings, a Prada bag, etc. Totally amazing loot. Sadly, it wasn't my lucky day - I won nothing in the drawing. I especially wanted to win the face lift because then I'd have no excuse for not getting one. Hey, it was free! I had to do it. But no. My friend Candice would have killed me for getting a face lift from a doctor I'd won it from. She's totally against discount cosmetic surgery and God knows what she'd say about free cosmetic surgery. Still, I can't complain. The $300 donation goes to a good cause. The City of Hope hospital is quite a place.

As mentioned yesterday, Kelly Ripa was honored. Before she spoke, I introduced myself and gave her my book. There were so many people vying for her time that we didn't get to talk much, but she acted very appreciative and promised to read it. I have to say, Kelly Ripa was exactly the same in person as she is on her show. She was funny, friendly, gorgeous, thin - just as gracious as she could be. After accepting her award, she walked around from table to table introducing herself and talking to everyone, like a bride at her wedding. I admire her now more than before if that's possible. Okay sue me for thinking Kelly Ripa is genius, but I think she is.

After the lunch, I decided to go to Saks to see what was on sale. I put my sunglasses on and stuck my new reading glasses into my backpack. Between the Waldorf and Saks (2 blocks), I felt a tugging, whipped around and saw a man going the other way. Something felt wrong, so I took off the backpack, noticed it was zipped open and realized immediately that a pickpocket had taken my brand new, gorgeous, expensive reading glasses. They were in a case which the culprit must have mistaken for a wallet. My wallet was at the bottom of the pack, as was my ipod and palm. I guess I should be happy those weren't taken. I was totally bummed at the invasion and immediately wanted to talk to my mom or husband for comfort. But I couldn't because Schuyler has had my cell phone ever since hers was run over by a car. Needless to say, I won't be using a backpack anymore.

I did go to Saks and they were having an amazing sale - everything is 40% off in case you live in the area. I bought a Moschino jacket - love, love, love their stuff. Mark's going to kill me when he sees the bill, but I wanted to have a new jacket for my trip to London when The Ivy Chronicles launches there. I'll just explain to him that I didn't spend $1,000, I saved $800! Makes sense to me. Lest you think I'm one of those rich bitches I write about who only wears designer duds, let me dissuade you of that notion immediately. I buy clothes so infrequently. But I recently decided that I'd rather buy four beautiful, couture pieces a year than a slew of cheaper things that I don't absolutely love. I found that buying very beautiful jackets works well because you can wear them with jeans and you have a nice outfit, or you can put them over nice pants and you look totally put together. Anyway, that's my clothing philosophy and I'm sticking to it. I do have one rule, however. When I buy a really expensive piece, I can only buy it on sale. It would be cheating to pay full retail. That way, even when I'm spending like a Hilton sister, I feel like a smart consumer.

Today I'm lunching with Murray Miller. Murray is the senior advisor to Ken Chanault, the CEO of American Express. We met about 12 years ago when I was still there. For some reason, the two of us just clicked immediately. It was right when my father died of cancer and Murray just took me under his wing. I'm certain we were married in a past life because I love him so much. He's about 80, so Mark needn't worry. But I always enjoy having being with him and we try to get together every month at least. I feel so lucky to have Murray in my life and I understand why Ken has kept him by his side for so long. The man is a treasure.

That's it for now. Ta ta.

Bed, Bath, Benefit, and Book Parties

2005-05-10T08:12:00.001-04:00

Family night. Mother's Day. 2005. As we walked uptown from Tribeca to the Union Square area, Mark decided that he wanted a new pillow. So, we veered over to Sixth Avenue towards Bed, Bath, and Beyond. The kids whined so much about the detour (they were staaaaaaarving) that I promised them each their own new pillow. "Any pillow in the whole store," I said. "Knock yourself out!" When we arrived, each child picked their favorite squishy, whooshy brightly-colored pillows. Sam's was shaped like a football. Schuyler took an orange and red round one. I decided that I'd always wanted one of those body pillows, the kind you can get all entwined in as you sleep, the way you do a brand new lover. So, I picked one up. It was huge. I mean HUGE. Not quite as big as Mark, but a lot bigger than me. It weighs 20 pounds if it weighs a pound. We each bought our respective pillows, then schlepped them over to Park and 20th, to Angelo and Maxi's where we were having dinner. The place was so packed with Mother's Day celebrations that they made us check our pillows. After dinner, we schlepped onward to Whole Foods where we bought fish for Mark, then home via taxi. The pillows were getting so heavy. We could no longer walk with them. At least I couldn't walk with mine. Even though it was Mother's Day, no one would help me carry it. They were punishing me for buying what they feared was a Mark replacement in the first place. Pul-eeeeeze. That night, I put it to bed. It was like we had a third person sleeping with us. So I named it Claude. He created this big, long barrier between me and Mark, so I moved him to the other side. I'd just have to sleep on my right from now on. Mark keeps saying that he can't believe I'd sleep with this...this interloper. But now that I bought him, shlepped him to Angelo and Maxi's and then to Whole Foods, how can I abandon him?

Today I'm going to the City of Hope Cancer Benefit at the Waldorf. I love and hate these sort of things. All the ladies who lunch go, and they dress so beautifully. They make me feel inept. I don't own fancy, society clothes. I'm not as thin as they are. And they all seem to know each other from the many la di da events they attend. But they're putting The Ivy Chronicle booklets in the gift bags. So I feel I should be there. Plus I paid $250 for a ticket. I'm planning to intro myself to Kelly Ripa, the speaker, and give her a signed book. She's mentioned in one of the chapters so I hope she's amused. I just love that girl. She's smart and funny and pretty. I don't know how she manages to work those two shows, raise those three kids, pay attention to that cute husband of hers, and stay so thin. It just doesn't seem right.

Last night I went to a book party hosted by Carole Hyatt. It was for Joanne Gordon who wrote "Be Happy at Work - 100 Women Who Love Their Jobs, and Why." Many interesting and accomplished women attended, as is always true at one of Carole's soirees. But I also met a fascinating gentleman - Paul Zerler. His wife Nanette was a doll as well. Paul is an older man who is an art expert. Lately, he's been appraising all the artifacts that have come out of the Titanic. But he has worked with some of the wealthiest families in the world, during times of divorce, death - when their stuff has to be appraised and divided. His stories of these families and the artists he has known are just fascinating. So, I asked him if I could interview him for my next book and he said "yes." I'm thrilled!!! I don't know exactly how I'll incorporate him - maybe create a character based on him. Or perhaps weave his stories into the plot. We'll see what comes out of the interview which I'll do in a week or two. No matter what, I've gotten to meet an amazing man. That's the best part of being a writer. When you meet someone interesting, you have a good excuse to call them up, go visit them, and learn all about their life. Can you imagine anything better?

I'm Back!

2005-05-07T19:28:00.000-04:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I've blogged. The month just got away from me. Mark and I went to California for ten days. Then I visited Palm Beach where I spoke (read) for the Palm Beach Opera Guild. It went really well except for the fact that when I talked about how the school admissions process made me feel like a loser, especially after meeting a mom at a Spence event who bragged about her jet and her private island, no one laughed. And it's a funny story. Really, it is. But not a chuckle could be heard when I told the story. Turns out, there were several people in the audience with jets and private islands. Oops. That's a good lessons for speakers everywhere - know your audience!

Yesterday I went to see the allergy doctor. Sadly, I've become addicted to Afrin (the nose drops) and I need help kicking the habit. There's no rehab facitility for this. This is one of those afflictions that no one talks about. Maybe if a celebrity would go public with it, there would be more awareness. But so far, nary a nosedrop addiction has made the cover of People. The doc gave me steroids and a different kind of nose drop to help me through the pain of withdrawel. Can you think of anything more pathetic than being a nose drop addict? I can't.

Today was the Spring Fair at my son's school. It's a great event. I always work rummage and buy the kids' entire wardrobes there every year for under $60. Seriously, today I bought two beautiful leather purses, two pairs of shoes, two coats, seven sweat shirts and four sweat pants, and about 10 cute tops for Schuyler (including Juicy Coutour). On top of that, I purchased about 20 or so adorable baby outfits for Bev (our babysitter), who just had a granddaughter. Oh, and a beaded cell phone purse. All for less than $60. If there's a private school in your area that does a rummage sale, don't miss it. They sell the BEST clothes. Since I work rummage, I put the clothes out the night before and know where all the treasure is buried. People seek me out as their personal rummage shopper. I enjoy it thoroughly.

Exciting news. I'm getting close to finishing book number two. That's another reason I didn't blog much this month. I was writing furiously. I have to turn it in to my editor in the UK very soon. It's called "Wife in the Fast Lane," at least that's the working title. It's about a power marriage - very funny, like The Ivy Chronicles. Speaking of the UK, my book is being published there in about a week. I'm going for the launch in early June. Hoping to appear on some morning talk shows and such. I'm bringing Schuyler because I want her to see me doing something big so she'll know she can do the same when she grows up. I just hope she doesn't wait as long as I did to do it. We'll do some mother-daughter bonding and maybe take in a few shows to boot. Cheerio.

Divorce rumors

2005-04-01T19:09:00.000-05:00

A funny thing happened at the psychiatrist's office yesterday. I took Schuyler to be re-evaluated for ADD. She went in to meet with the doctor first. I would follow when she was finished. He asked her how she was doing in light of her parent's break up.
"What?" Schuyler said. "My parents are breaking up?"
"Well, I just assumed based on what happened that they'd break up."
"What happened?"
"You don't know?" the doctor asked.
"NO! Do you know something I don't know?"
It turned out that the doctor had read my book and he assumed that what happened to Ivy (catching her husband with another woman) happened to me. So, he thought that, like Ivy, I'd be getting a divorce. NOT! At least not that I know of.