My View Appearance
Here's the email I sent to all my friends about my View appearance. They ended up taping it on Monday, which was nice because I didn't have to stress about it all week. I wanted to let all my friends know so they'd watch and tell their friends to watch. I'm not sure why I want people to watch because I may have totally embarassed myself. But people will be mad if they find out I did The View and didn't tell them. Anyhow, here goes...
I just wanted to let you know that I'm about to have my 15 minutes of fame. Actually it's 6 minutes. On Friday, March 17, I'm going to be on The View...as in Star Jones, Meredith Vieira, Joy Behar, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck - to promote The Ivy Chronicles, just out in paperback! We've already taped the show, so it's in the can as they say in the biz. It'll run barring any unforeseen interruptions (i.e. being preempted by a St. Patty's Day parade - I, for one, think we've had enough Irish parades for one lifetime! And I can say this because my last name is Quinn).
Let me report that it was tres exciting to be on the show. I had my own dressing room with my name on the door (actually it was just printed on a piece of white paper that was stuck into a plexi-glass holder, but still). Julia Louis Dreyfus was on with me and her name was in the same plexi-glass holder on her door. I like that about The View - they don't play favorites. Heloise was on, too. But she didn't get her name on her door. I'm guessing it's because she's not the real Heloise, she's the daughter of the real Heloise. My dressing room was kind of bare. But there was a bowl of fruit. I took a bite out of an apple, and then stopped because I was worried I'd break my front tooth right before going on national TV. Seriously, that's exactly what crossed my mind and stopped me from finishing the apple. I think I may need psychological help.
They called me in for a touch up. A girl made me up while gabbing to her friend about what they were going to do over the weekend. I didn't catch her name. But I sat next to Joy who was getting her hair done. She's very friendly. Not to me but to everyone surrounding her. I know she would have been nice to me if all those interlopers weren't vying for her attention. Brownnosers!
Julia Louis Dreyfus looked adorable in this cute navy blue dress - Diane Von Furstenburg, I think. She made me wish I'd worn an adorable dress too, but I don't own one. Maybe I'll go to Saks and buy one after this. But for what? I've already done The View. Maybe if The Today Show books me, I'll splurge on a dress as cute as Julia's. Then I would have to wear pantyhose, which I don't own either. I suppose I could spring for a pair of those, too. Anyway, Julia wore these killer marigold stiletto high heels. How do women walk in those things? They did look great on her. I'd like to report that the two of us gabbed like long lost sorority sisters before the show, but I didn't talk to her. She was hanging out with the Pretender Heloise. They kind of formed a clique and I couldn't break in.
Soon it was time for the show, so we went into the green room. That's where everyone waits their turn. People always say that the green room isn't really green, but this one actually was. Well, it was green-ish. I watched the show on a moniter, got wired for sound, and said "no" to the pastries that were offered (Are you kidding? I could just imagine a piece of white sugar glaze on my cheek during the interview). I was too nervous to eat anyway; nervous in the way you are right before they take you into the operating room. And I'm talking about an operation where you can live or die. Of course, I tried to act cool - I didn't want Julia or Pretender Heloise to know that this wasn't an everyday thing for me.
I was on the second segment so they took me on stage at the first break. They had me sit at that counter-like desk and there was a HUGE studio audience and blinding bright lights shining in my face. Don't look at the audience, I thought. They put me right in the middle between Joy and Star. There was a frantic moment when they realized I was too short for the desk and I needed a pillow, but one was found and soon I looked as tall as Joy.
Sadly, Barbara wasn't there. I really wanted to see her. We went on a cruise of northern Europe with her a few years ago (she was on the same ship we were on - that's as close as we got). There was an evening where she did a Q&A in the main ballroom. I asked her a question and was thrilled to have Barbara talking to me, even across a crowded ballroom. So, to meet her in person would have been a dream come true. Actually, that's not true. Meeting Barbara Walters has never been a dream of mine. But it still would have been cool to meet her.
We were back from commercial and it was time for my segment. Before I knew it, the women were shooting questions at me and I was answering. I got to tell some of my crazy admissions stories about how cutthroat the world of preschool admissions could be and the audience laughed and gasped in shock (which surprised me because this was a NYC audience and this should have been old news to them - perhaps they were tourists). Anyway, mid-segment I realized that this was a case of life imitating art. There is a scene in The Ivy Chronicles where an admissions director is murdered by an enraged father whose son is rejected, so Ivy goes on The View to talk about how competitive school admissions can be.
Excerpt from The Ivy Chronicles:
"I was exhausted after doing The View. I had to walk that thin line of entertaining the audience with wacky admissions stories without alienating viewers who might become clients. It was a challenge.
At Myoki, executives got two weeks of media training before they were allowed to talk to the press. I'd never been high enough on the food chain to get trained. Still I held my own, I thought. I had Star and Meredith in stitches."
Do do do do, Do do do do (sing this to the tune of The Twilight Zone). Isn't it spooky cool that the scene I wrote for The Ivy Chronicles was played out in real life?
I'd like to tell you that I did well, but I honestly don't remember. I do recall the laughter and gasps, as mentioned above. I also remember all of the women being extremely nice to me, friendly and supportive, as you would expect the women of The View to be. But otherwise, it's all a blur (very much like your own wedding). So I'll have to wait until Friday to find out if I did okay. I can already predict that I'll think my voice is too high and I'll wish I'd had a facelift before my big close up, but I think that every time I see myself on TV.
Anyway, I hope you'll watch the segment on Friday. If you have to work, I suggest you just call in sick (or TIVO it if you know how to work your TIVO - personally, I don't know how to work ours). And please pass this on to any and all of your friends who haven't read the book but who you believe should (and that would be all of your friends, of course). Maybe they'll tune in, too.
P.S. As I was leaving, Heloise told me I did a good job, which made me very sorry that I ever doubted her. As far as I'm concerned, she's the real thing.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006